Are you finally done
Tearing me apart?
                –
Do you finally see,
That you keep saying I'm hurting you,
But always–always; you're the one
Breaking my heart.

Sorry doesn't help,
It doesn't mend anything,
It doesn't mean anything.
It shouldn't mean anything.

But it does, doesn't it?
It means something.

It means you don't care enough and you don't see that I don't want a sorry. I have had many sorrys' in my entire lifetime. I don't want any more of those.

I want you to barge into my house and push me up against the wall and kiss me senseless.

I want to feel your apologies seep through our kiss and pour out love.

I want to feel your heartbeat against mine as you're looking at me with the most apologetic expression.

You didn't do that though.
No.

Instead, you walked off with a goodbye kiss and sent me a text,
"I'm sorry."

I would have forgiven you regardless.
Because I love you and I believed in you.
I thought you would have changed your mind.

I guess not.

Love isn't about deserving each other.

It's about loving each other despite our faults and flaws.

You obviously didn't get that when you left with the stupidest reason.

"You deserve someone better."

I deserve to be loved by someone who is human. Someone who makes mistakes and learns from them. I deserve someone who doesn't walk out just because things aren't going our way.

No, I deserve love.

For months I've pushed you away,
Shut you out,
Ignored you and your help.

Then I let myself go. I let you come into my life. You made me smile, you made me feel like the happiest I've ever been.

And then it was all over too soon.
You took advantage of it.
You thought I would be there whenever you're lonely.

You thought you could push me around.
You knew that you were the world to me and I would do anything for you.

You thought I would never leave you.
So did I.

But then one day you said you loved another.
And you expected me to stay anyway.
To take the pain.

I caught you off guard as I make my way to the nearest exit.

You took hold of my hand and ask where I was going.

I simply smiled with tears streaming down my face.

"I'm leaving you."

This was it.
This feeling of relief,
But an empty space
Still wide open.

An ocean washing away all the hurt,  
But the cold breeze reminding me of my loneliness.

Raindrops hydrating me,
But the sun burning me afterwards.  

The relief of getting out from your poisonous love.

But the sadness washes over to remind me that we hadn't work out.

You cannot claim me as yours if there is another,
I can't be yours if you can't commit.
Why is it so hard for you?

Do I not give enough?
Is it my fault that you stray?

Or does the idea of commitment scare you,
Does it scare you so much that you don't realise you're leaving a deep cut in my heart.

I should leave you, then.
But you begged and said, 'no you are mine!'

Am I truly yours?
Do you expect me to stay whilst you fill yourself up with everyone else?

To kiss you and welcome you wholeheartedly,
As if we were completely each other's.

I will stay.
But I will not commit,
Just like you.

Of course I will hurt you,
Of course you will hurt me,
Of course we will both be hurt.

But why did you have to leave for good,
To pack your bags and off you go shoo.

You told me you needed space and time,
I gave you all you needed and it was fine.

Then one day you say,
"It's done. It can't be fix and neither of us should drum."

I begged and plead while you walk away.
Into the heavy rain as a car came by our lane.

You looked back and I get it now.
You were leaving not because of us.
Because of someone who could do much more better than me.

Then a year had pass and I'm still in pain.
Honey, why did you leave me to stay?

When everything falls apart and the world doesn't feel right; will you still stay by my side?

Or will you leave even when you hear my heart shatter like the most fragile of glasses.

It hurts though.
It hurts to see you happy,
To see you smiling while I'm over here crying.

That's okay.
All I wanted for you was to be happy.
Even if that meant I would get hurt in the process.

Was I wrong to think that you were the happiest with me?

That I light the fire in your eyes?

That you were the most comfortable with me and I meant something to you.

Was I wrong to think that our hands fit perfectly like the way your dress mends well with your curves?

Was I wrong to think that–was I wrong to hope that you would think the same and feel the same about me?

Were you just playing with me then? Like a little ******* puppet?

Was I a toy to you?
Oblivious in your little game?
Oblivious with your intention.

Perhaps I was.
Perhaps I do not light the fire in your eyes, but you do to mine.

Perhaps you are not the most comfortable with me, but when I'm with you, it feels like home.
And I suppose you do not think our hands fit perfectly together. I do. I thought we were a perfect puzzle piece.

Perhaps you never loved me to begin with.

Bright as she was,
Loving as she came,
Graceful as she strolled,
She pained me to stay.

Eyes bright and beautiful,
A heart full of gold.
Promises that were made,
She broke them all.

But love had its plans, I was grounded to stay.

I was held, captured, stuck, absolutely paralysed.

Soon after time,
I woke up from her spell,
I realised I was none other than merely a human who fell in love with the angel of darkness.

She hurt me and then apologised.
He hit me and then fled to the other side.
They flirted with me and the said they wished I died.

She loved me and said it was all just a lie.
They said the same thing all over again,
The same tune,
The same phrase,
They're all the same.

I hope and wished that one day it will all be true; the words they spoke of will finally come through.

Then this girl came into my life, like a taboo.
She appeared out of nowhere, yes, that was true.

She taught me how to love, to care and to spare.
To not be afraid of love and let it roam around.
Freely and Fleeting everywhere.

Then one day she left without a goodbye.
The words that lingered my head was,
"Oh my darling, do not be afraid. You do not need me, as do I not need you. You'll move on as one and one you will be. One day you will find another that will make you complete."

But what she had not realise, was she was the one.
The one that could break me in two and afterall.

For all that it's worth,
I loved her much so.
Without her right now,
I may as well be done.

So goodbye my love,
You left me undone.
That's alright, I'll end undone as well.

We're not friends, we're not enemies.
We're not lovers.
  
                                       -
So what are we?

Your touch mesmerises me,
Intrigues me.
Makes me want you more.

You're like a drug that I get high off to.
A substance that I shouldn't overdose on.

How could something so amazing,
Be so bad?

How could something that makes me forget the bad things; create more pain?

What is it that you want?
My heart? My soul?
Is this your way of marking me as yours?

Am I yours?
I would gladly be.

Will you be mine as well?
Who am I kidding.

Your heart is unobtainable,
Unreachable,
Untouchable,
Untraceable.

To put it simply,
It belongs to no one.