at first we played games
like 'see who can love the other more'
now it's **** on me, i'll **** on you
and if i don't have anything worthwhile i'll drink until i can muster up just about anything devilish

never thought much to bite my tongue
but i'm somewhat starting to wish i had it removed with my tonsils last year
right before i met you
maybe it would have made more sense if i hadn't the ability to talk myself up
and make it seem like i'm a person who cares about anything

you see i've learned lately that i'm no good, when it really comes down to it
i can go through the motions and get by, but when it comes down to the most crucial moments, like when one must hold their tongue... i spit

to the humans with the glassy eyes,
i know they've been hurt before
(your eyes,
thrown against the wall,
like a jar filled with rotten marbles)
cauliflower-clouded mind
red-scented sleep
& i pray to God
those pills dissolve in your
sanitized hands.
don't cry when it's over; cry now
i can see milky white
stars in your eyes
and soft pink
bubble gum-flavored clouds
and lazy green rivers
and violent violet nights
and a deep howl in you
when you think you can't go on.
and you burn yourself
with empty looks
and break yourself
by lying down
and **** yourself
by forgetting that the lightning storm
ever came.
flying doesn't always set people free.
remember that.

Write me a book,
Call it:
"All the Ways I Was Unable to Love You."
List the reasons
why it was all my fault
Tell them about
the impossible pedestal
you placed me on
Describe the way my hands shook
trying to put your pieces
back together,
and how I no longer knew
whose hands were bleeding
I never wanted to change you,
I just wanted to be enough
to fill your emptiness
But the the void became to deafening,
and with your brokenness suffocating me,
I used my last breath to say
"Im sorry."

*-I was always sorry for your mistakes

I knew from the very first moment that you would break my heart. It was part of your charm, I thought I was ready to be broken again, mostly because I thought you would put me back together after. I should have known that people like you come in like a hurricane, leaving everything in ditty ruins.

I cant keep loving you because you tell me that you couldn't live without me and for a while I thought it was cute and romantic and flattering but now I realize that you have been asking me to carry us both and to save you from yourself but we both know I'm weak and tired and I could barely breathe on my own let alone for the both of us but I think you also know that I'd use my dying breath to give you CPR

we're okay
if you don't count the tears we cry that put us to sleep
or the scars our hearts are now harboring
or the empty promises of yesterday

and we're okay
if you don't look too closely into our eyes
or watch our lips quiver between words
or listen to our heavy breathes fill the spaces you should have been

and we're okay
if you don't ask us how we've been
or if we've been sleeping enough
or if we're still caught up on the little things you said to us in the middle of the night

I will not hear what you have to say
because what you have to say will never be as important as the way you made me feel

Weak
Weak
Weak

I will not hear what you have to say
because you are only allowed so many chances before your apologies wear out

I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry

I will not  hear what you have to say
because I am only one person but I carry the weight of a million broken promises

I love you
I love you
I love you

I will not hear what you have to say
because there is a fine line between clever and abusive and you've crossed it so many times

Don't do this
Don't do this
Don't do this

I will not hear what you have to say
because I've realized that you're setting me on fire so you can be warm

I'm not yours
I'm not yours
I'm not yours