My wife wants me to stop speaking with an Alien tongue
I picked it up whilst sleeping and now use it for fun
A frequent burst of sounds at speed
Enough for human ears to bleed

Burr boopty book, burr boopty boop
Ahta batta batta ba
Ahta batta batta ba
Ahta batta batta ba

I'm communicating with them now
I'm through to their leader Emperor Mow
His tone is full of rage
He doesn't know I'm a man of middle age.

If you start speaking alien to your spouse
And rambling in the middle of the house
Please keep the conversation glee
As we don't need World War 3

Touch symmetry
Touch you and me
Touch a pleasant view
Touch the axis of dew

Touch symmetry
Touch you and me
Touch parochial existence
Touch homicidal resistance

Touch symmetry
Touch you and me
Touch love and light
Touch a galaxy of delight

The sun reaches through thick tree branches
Noisy stream welcomes walkers
Dogs seek attention
People seek attention

Cars rush by
Lorries rush by
People smile
Dogs smile

Clothes steam on the line
Feeling fine
As the sun expectedly shines
Keeps shining expectedly

I met a man who swapped his head for a brick
I said 'hey man really...really are you thick?'
He said no.. no.. no.. he wasn't sick
Like most things these days he bought it with one-click

He said he didn't want to see
The world we live in now, the null decree
The division and fighting about
The hate, the polarising shout

I said 'man that's cool right...tick!"
It was then I went online 'n ordered that brick

Today an alien came to my door
He asked why I didn't answer before?
I asked which planet was he from?
He said it was something to do with his Mom

She passed and now was up in ths sky
No reason, the other aliens let her die
I said there was nothing to do
Perhaps he could ask for shelter at the zoo?

He said I know that your kind can be good
Is there any way I could spare some food?
I said that English cuisine might not be to his palette
He said that it was probably better than on his planet

Could you not go back to the ship?
He said no, this is the end of the trip
Can't you fly back into the sky?
If I leave I will die

Which planet are you from?
He said with mirth....earth
I choked again..
His name is ...Ben

So, if an alien knocks at your door
Please help him to get some more
Don't assume what you see
Is something ex-planetary

A conker just fell in front of me
It popped open
I grasped it fresh and warm from its shell

New life seeking new life
Warm seed seeking warm soil
I merged with nature for a second

More conkers dropped around me
More colour
More life

Listen to the Internet
Listen today
Lots of souls shouting
To get to the afray

You tell us we must take on your word
To diss it would be absurd
It's your new world of thought
It's your new world of fraught

I'll stay here in my hall
If I need you I will call
No need for the Internet
No need for your intercept