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Miriam Jan 2017
there are days when it feels heavy
and the wait is too long for me to take
so i try to make pretend that there is no longer real
and instead here is all that exists

but i know you–
you and i are alive at the same time

we are living under the same blanket of stars

we see the same moon

one day the distance will close
the miles will melt away like snow
and it will be beautiful

but for now, we wait,
and we cling onto the hand of the Maker
who is all in all and more than enough
to fill the emptiness in the cavity of our chests

we will walk that way, my darling, and soon
but we must learn to walk with Love Himself
if we want to walk it well

until then,

we wait.
for you, whoever you may be
  Nov 2016 Miriam
He's an ocean.
He gathers my worried thoughts and tosses them to the breeze;
He carries me through bumpy waves and tempest seas.
When he's near, my insides throw themselves against my skin,
Just to be closer to him,
Just to be closer to him.
And none of it is tragic,
Because when I'm with him my heart beats steady in my chest,
And none of it is sin,
For when my organs need rest,
He lulls me to sleep again.
Miriam Nov 2016
but then

you meet someone who understands you
you don't even have to try to convey your thoughts with words
because he already gets it
he already could feel the lightning in your chest
and the shadows that creep in the depths of your mind
without having to try

the little sparks you feel in your soul when he speaks
like a calm whisper
a soft breeze
a gentle touch on my skin

how easily he could unravel me without even trying
how easily my walls come crashing down when i'm around him

a growing flame inside my chest
giving light to this darkness

a warmth i didn't think i could feel again
that not even my doubtful heart could resist to believe in

how easily he could devour me in the most beautiful way
how easily he could reach inside the depths of my soul
when i had thought that nobody, not even the rain, could have done so
I don't know what the future holds for us but I am so grateful to know you, even if it is just for a moment
Miriam Sep 2016
you're my favorite poem
that God has written
into existence
Miriam Aug 2016
Jesus, empty me of myself
so I can be filled with You
and everyone I come across will come to know
the Love that captivated and saved my soul.
Miriam Aug 2016
the accuser shakes his finger at my face and whispers, “He’s not worth it. come with me and i will show you what pleasure is. don’t you want to see? don’t you want to live?”

but what i thought was pleasure brought me death. i drowned in all of the foolishness. i tried to swim back to the place i found grace but i found that i’ve become too weak and all of my strength has left. i can almost hear the enemy laughing in the distance–

“the only promise here is death”

but God reached out His hand from the heavens and reached for me
for me, for me–
He pulled me out of my misery,
and He said, “My love, enough. please stop chasing after lying lovers, after empty promises, after broken dreams, after sin. let Me be enough for you. lean on Me, i know you’re weary.”

i could feel His heart breaking. i could almost see the warm glow of His eyes with love pouring out into mine. there is something so beautiful about a Father who faithfully reaches for His child no matter how far away she has run from Him.

He never tires
i’ve run so many miles, but i could never outrun Him
i’ve spent so much time screaming at Him about my own heart,
of how it aches, of how it hurts
but He was still there, patiently waiting for my return

“don’t you see I Am the cure?
without Me you can do nothing
without Me you can do nothing
without Me you can do nothing”

i hear Him saying, over and over
almost sad
almost begging

sometimes all i can do is sit on the floor with my head in between my knees, with sobs rocking my body like an earthquake
because sometimes all i can think of is how heavy the price was, how precious grace truly is, how much we don’t deserve it

sometimes all i can think of is You on that cross, ****** and naked and bruised, and that was me on the ground yelling curses at You
telling You to save Yourself and come down,
with a hammer and Your blood on my hands

but You loved me through it all,
through my rebellion, through my sin, through the fall
and i don’t know what else to do but let my walls come crumbling down and give You my heart, no matter how broken
my breath, no matter how shaky
my life, no matter how messy–

“I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t care,” You exclaim, interrupting my apologies and my excuses
i can hear joy in Your voice, i can hear anticipation
“don’t you see this is what I wanted? don’t you know what I can do with a heart that’s surrendered, no matter how broken?”

how passionate His voice, how warm, how kind
He wraps me up in an embrace like the father did with his prodigal child
He smiled, He smiled at me, and His joy was pouring out
as if i did nothing to hurt Him, as if every wrong thing i’ve done had been cast into the sea and forgotten about

even after all of it, Lord?
after all of my sins?
do You still love me after everything?

*“daughter, don’t you know how much love I have for you in My heart?
daughter, don’t you see these holes in My hands?”
Miriam Mar 2016
feelings that wouldn't leave
trapping me
destroying my last shred
of sanity

people leaving
constantly going
without me

all of this misery

sadness burning in my stomach like wine

couldn't release my grip
couldn't let go
even though my hands are bleeding
i hold on even more

i'm tired of the chains around my feet
fingers tightly wrapped around my neck

i need freedom,
to breathe,

i need you here with me.
i don't know what this is about anymore
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