Are not shadows in windows
But whispers of lost things on the late drive home
Seeing myself walk the side walk down the empty street
To your house
I still remember the inside
But we're driving
And it doesn't matter anymore
I'm not scared of the promises sewn into the carpet on my Aunt's living room floor
I hear them occasionally in a song
Or a joke
And I think about how maybe they could've been real
But I don't have proof
Just a letter I never sent
A poem unwritten
Blood on the pavement
A candle not burning
"What's the use of writing it all down?"
"I'm just trying to keep it out of my head"
"You know how to ******* read."
Opens the wound
Can't go Christmas tree shopping
Or ice skating
Without noticing the
I'd give almost anything
Just to feel loved
For a day.
Why did you have to **** so bad
Why did you have to be abusive and yell and be so scary
Why did you have to make mom
File for divorce
Why couldn't you have just been kind and gentle
Why wasn't I
I miss being friends
Were we ever friends?
I miss being in love
Did I ever love?
I miss the fighting
I miss the passion
I miss the heat
The late nights
Was any of it ever really there?
All that I am
All that I was
All that i'll ever be
Will never make sense to anyone
Not even me
"Felt it in my youth, I'll feel it when I'm old"
"Having someone doesn't mean ****"
"The loneliness doesn't go away with someone sitting next to you"
"If someone says they 'love you' it doesnt make you love yourself"
Deep conversations with strangers that are maybe considered friends by the end