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tragedies - an heir to all
the mess inside those walls
i can still recall

lunged in anger, seized with fear
oh, what have you done
i tried to leave the thoughts behind
but i couldn't run

black silhouettes, tragic memories
now i'm in constant doubt
am i ready for this?
Our screaming demons,
they like to visit us at night.

Their voice becomes our company,
their smiles — wicked,
and the shadows that we see.
Every night they keep us up,
quiet, as they may be.

They live in our deepest thoughts
as we try to chase them away.
In the end, we’re surrounded
for they crawl and they hide,
and the deeper they go
they are hardly possible to find.

Oh, our screaming demons,
they like to visit us at night
and if they never sleep,
so neither do we.
121718 - 4:12AM
sunshine mimosa Sep 2018
Last night, I slept once again with a heavy heart. I always hated the fact that whenever I become emotional or whenever I remember something sad, my tears would just fall off without any warning, without a stop. It’s as if I don’t have control over it. It’s always like this when my mind catches a glimpse of you. It’s crazy how much pain I get from missing you and wondering if you miss us the same way.

“You can be mad at someone and still miss them.” I was watching a romantic movie when I heard this line. I really felt that; like an arrow pierced through my heart. I felt the pain of loving and hating someone at the same time; and I wondered, are you mad? Are you disappointed? Every day I wonder what you’re doing and every night, I wish you’re sleeping well because I’m not.

My nights are filled with nightmares. I see in my sleep the same man that I hated and feared. I will wake up wishing to never see that version of you again. I am scared. What if you don’t miss us? What if you grow to hate me because I was never the person you wished I was? What if you come back and you hate us even more? What if you don’t come back at all?

I wish you never have nightmares like this. I wish you sleep well and you’ll wake up sober the next day; sober from all the bad and painful memories and maybe, just maybe, you’ll come back to us.

Come home soon. We miss you. We’re just here, waiting.
sunshine mimosa Sep 2018
These past few days I’ve been waking up to the same dream, the same sweat-soaked bed sheets, the same sun greeting my morning eyes through the sheer curtain of sadness.

“I’ve been here before,” I said as I was having a long walk on the beach, my eyes adored the sunset and the picturesque mountains. The sea; our favorite place. We loved as each wave came, rushing to greet us, one by one like racing horses. “I’ve heard this before,” this beautiful melody. A chuckle, a laugh that sounded more like a lullaby. You sang to me every night when I couldn’t sleep.

“I’ve felt this before,” this longing, this heartache when I felt the world crashing on our feet, that first serious fight. I gripped your shirt tight when I felt the universe pulling us apart; but you didn’t hold back, you have let me slip away from you.

I’ve been waking up from this familiar memory, from this place we called happy; but the familiar face was gone and this unfamiliar feeling is slowly eating me up each day as I try to remember. I’ve been visiting the places, and the forgotten days like a deja vu but this time, I am not with you.
sunshine mimosa Sep 2018
The sky - a beautiful, lively, breathtaking, and once an expressive vault of heaven is now filled with melancholy; an overwhelming feeling of sadness mixed with uncertainty.

I like to think some people are like that, amazing and extraordinary - yet uncertain of many things.
sunshine mimosa Sep 2018
I want to escape,
from this recurring darkness
amidst the singsong voices
that I hear from my cluttered thoughts;
from the demons beneath my bed
that whisper me evil nothings
invading through the abyss of my privacy;
I am trapped in this madness
amongst my impulsive choices
that have made me so chaotic.

I want to,
but it invades and now I am haunted
keeping me distracted
and unable to sleep.
sunshine mimosa Sep 2018
Your arms are the best place for me and just like a hackneyed phrase, it feels like home. What a beautiful place, wrapped up inside your arms and holding the warmth of your hands. It’s the kind of warmth I feel with a coffee in the morning, my hands wrapped around the mug, and a hot shower at night.

Your scent, a pleasant, musk smell that fills up my lungs, I like to think it smells like my favorite flower, and I love smelling it from your body and from your sweater covered around mine. I want to wear it sometimes so that I can feel you near me, and oh baby, comfort smells like you.

Your eyes, a deep dark brown like almonds, is like an ocean mixed with familiarity and suffocation. I love it when they’re staring at me just as how much I wonder what dreams you see when they’re closed. Let me suffocate in those eyes, let me drown in them, I think they are the soundest place to get lost.

You are my safe haven, there is no place like you. Do you want me to be your safe haven too?
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