My eyes looked up at yours before
Retreating back to the floor
My chin pulled up by your magnetic touch
I sure hope this is just a crush.

Are you coming to me
Or am I coming to you?

You sauntered over and leaned in close.

I could feel the syrup drip from my lips
And I knew you'd sip while you gripped my hips
Eyes gently closed
Noses softly brushed
Mouths slightly parted
Lips quickly touched
Cheeks brightly flushed
This was all too rushed

If we were to do this again
Maybe I would've leaned back in
Maybe you would've gone right in
Maybe we would've savored the taste
Of the syrup that dripped from my lips

No matter how far I am
how built-in my ego has to be
how much of myself I've
surrendered

I will always let my guard down
and assume I'm unique, assume
that I matter

I'm only worth anything to myself and
life is better, safer, when I keep that in
mind because I'm not special

paranoid fear
shadows dark
hastened escape

I don't know who you are
I don't know what I want

You're wasting my time

I'm hurt incredibly
Indelibly
Permanent ink on my skin
your sins won't easily
be forgotten because you
injured me and I left
you because I knew
something was wrong and
twelve months later I'm
finally discovering what
exactly that was

You loved me but I know
you never loved him;
I know he bored beneath your skin
and made a home in the warmth
because he has none for himself

He told you to push me away and
though I couldn't hear his words
I saw the effect they had on you

I hate you for ******* him when I
was still loving you, taking advantage of
the distance to fulfill the wants of the body
while milking me for the needs of the heart

You hurt me and
I want to hurt you

You're too fragile for that

I believe I am
meant to be alone

I love you like the trees love the sun,
like the whales love the sea,
like my heart drives me toward
thought and feeling before logic

Far away, you defy impulse,
and when you arrived in the dead
of night my heart was quick and
you were quicker to grin than I
when I saw your face

I remember the way your eyes stuck to the
walls because you were overcome by their
conversation, and the sound swelled up
and I knew what you were feeling

And I wanted nothing more than to walk
with you by the river so we could catch a bit
of quiet but I knew that was impossible

The world has a course and I'd best let it be,
roll with the punches, so maybe I'll see you again
before time steals you away

Tag my posts with LGBT
so you know I'm gay,
but if you knew me better you'd
know it anyway

I don't know
if I want to know
what words you've held
inside for me, or
if I want to know if there's
anything there for me
at all

I'll keep these words inside,
prompted by the fear that
you'll see not me but rather
the trees at my back, and
the forest will greet you, and
that my arrogance will come to
light and I'll get nothing
I was hoping for

I can't tell you what I feel because
we're not that close

I can't tell you what I fear but
maybe my taste in music can do
the talking instead