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May 2015 · 1.8k
Email Questionaire
Michael Pick May 2015
I'm so scared, what if you do check this email? And you read my email. What would you say? Or not say? Or react? Or you don't remember me or something. I don't know what I'm doing or thinking but I reread our facebook messages and I wish I could reread our msn messages and I have no idea why I did/do/want to do any of that.

What do I expect? No clue. None. I am leaving myself in the dark on this one.
Probably chalked me up as a bad experience in your life. Or something.
I bet you've got sweet digs to live in, a good job or a good school to go to, some good boyfriend. Great family. I should've said congrats on graduation. I'm really late now. And Happy birthday. How were you ever 14? How was I ever 14? Merry Christmas. It's late, but you said it to me one year and I didn't reply. So that's settled and even.

Facebook is frustrating. It shows all of your messages to me, yet only shows half or less of mine to you. Not that I need to see them. I was probably a ****. Well, I was a ****. I think I still probably am. No surprise. Is this creepy? I'm gonna guess you think it's creepy that I'd email you and search you up after so long. It's probably wrong. Probably a lot of hate. For all my talk I ever spewed out, that's not a feeling I have currently. I am so confused.

You'd probably be confused too if you opened this. Or read my message on tumblr. I saw your blog in my old bookmarks. Man, did that give me a start.

What are you doing in college? Are you in college? I remember you wanted to do cosmetology. I don't remember when that was, or if you still did. I'm sorry. You used to say you ****** at math and science, I hope you didn't take those. Or, conversely, I hope you did and you aced them both this year. Can you take both? I don't know how college works there.

Here's a random creepy thing I guess. Dreamed about you pretty much every night since I met you, even when we weren't talking, were fighting, you thought I didn't care, or since I... well, I guess I blocked you at one point. Whatever the hell was wrong with me. How'd I dream about you? What capacity? I dunno. Nothing weird. Don't worry. You were just always there. At least I don't think anything weird. I don't know.

You pretty much always said you thought things would get 'bad' between us again. Guess they did. My fault, I know, don't worry. I've never been a good with people kind of person, never in touch with feelings, always a little on the angry side. Do you consider it bad between us? Or were you just thankful to get rid of me? Whoops, that came out a little weird. I hope you know what I mean.

I miss texting you.

Who are you anymore? What do you like, what's your passion, who do you love, who loves you, where do you live, have you travelled? Do you believe in God? Soul mates? Public health care? Jesus, sorry, too many questions. Probably don't deserve answers.

I'm sorry that there's no flow to this. No topic or whatever. I used to brag that English was my strong point, but I guess it's not, afterall. Or at least when it comes to you. Right now. It's 4 am. What the hell.

I can cook pretty good now. You should try some of my food some time. I make a pretty good chicken dinner. Winner winner.

You always knew what I would say. Always. Good or bad. Did you expect this? Did you expect it to come earlier, or later, or never? Where did you think I would end up? Did you ever want to talk to me? Miss me? Want to be friends, at least? Did you hate me, despise me, wish you never met me? I'd understand if that one was true.

Do you think we've changed? I feel like we're still the same people we have been. Somewhere. I feel like we adapt but the right environment brings out... the old settings? I don't know. Jesus, we were so off again on again! Even as friends. I swear, that Katy Perry song, Hot and Cold, so described us. Or at least me. But I think we were both a little off.

If your boyfriend (or girlfriend) is reading this they are probably confused and I am sorry. Why do they read your emails? Do you actually have a girlfriend?

I'm sorry that I'm annoying.

I know, I always apologized too much.

First time we ever talked on FB was 2012? Holy crap. 3 years ago. August 20th. We must've known each other for a long time before though... I mean, we lost track of each other for awhile. Or I did. I don't know if you ever expected to talk to me again.

Real talk for a second. These messages hurt my heart. For a lot of reasons. And I don't know how I got into them, so I'm sorry. It's like... going to your childhood home and remembering where you had your first birthday cake, and the first time you fell down the stairs. Except, it wasn't the first time. Because there were so many times before that. There's just no picture albums for them. I don't know what I'm saying. God, what does any of this even mean?!

What a waste of time for you to read this, I bet. I'm so sorry. I should've stopped before I even started. Am I even gonna send it? I don't know. I'm scared. You hate me? Nah, you don't care enough by now to hate me. Why do I keep circling that? How do you feel? That question, why's it matter? After all this time? I am insignificant. Billions of stars light up skies and fade away and nobody remembers, so why would you.

I live in so much mediocrity right now. Settlement after settlement after settlement. I am so scared.

'Always allow for error. Never be optimistic for you will be betrayed by your own fantasies.'

I'm not even sure what that means, but I feel like I've lived to it far too much.

What is going on?

4:14 am.

I put you through so much. And I am so ashamed. And I hate saying 'so much' because it makes me sound like I think I was soooo important. When I don't. I don't think that I was. And I don't think that anybody who is as mentally and emotionally exhausting as I have been should ever be considered a large facet of someone's life, important, etc.

And jesus, the fact that that outlook applies to me and how I've been hurts my heart so much.

I don't think I have an identity anymore. I need to find who I was. I've been defining myself by the people I've surrounded myself with (ugh), the place I live (ugh) and my work. Work is the only positive that I have had in life, and my new job, though well paying, is a drain on my emotions and my optimism. Forever settling for mediocrity. The second best lifestyle available. Of course, perhaps the best lifestyle isn't available. Or perhaps this is the best I can get. Maybe this isn't even close to the best I can get. I don't know. Life swallows me.

I am so sorry for coming back. I'm probably going to email you again. I'm sorry for that, too. I just need something. And seeing your email in my list, it felt like that was it. You don't have to respond, I guess. God, I wish you did, but I am so afraid.

I'm sorry.
I'm not sure how this came about
Jul 2014 · 937
Sick again
Michael Pick Jul 2014
I know that I'm getting sick again
Because every hour of silence makes me think that you don't love me
And it's getting harder to convince myself that you should

You don't seem to have noticed how walled up I am, but I'm sorry
And I am so glad that you didn't hear me crying while you slept
Because I am so in love with you and you shouldn't love me back
It's unhealthy for me to centre my life around you, and I know it
But I can't help that you're everything that I never thought I'd get

Where we're at now, we can only see each other on the weekends
And those few days are everything that I live for and want to maintain
But as the week goes on I lose myself to needing you and I fade so fast

I try to keep myself occupied during the day while I can
Working my skin to the bones and burning the breath from my lungs
But come night time, I sink and I sit in the dark with no sound
I just don't know how to get out of this slump yet again
I don't know how to believe that it's worth it in the end

Dragging people down is a specialty that I would like to break
As opposed to the constant chance of breaking you
Or the recurrence of the thought that a break up would be best

Jesus Christ, darling I am such an awful and worthless mess
Every day I see other men who could replace me and probably should
When it comes down to it, you deserve a world that I cannot give
And that's a horrible thought that makes me cry when the room is quiet
You are everywhere as my mind is all over the place and again I'm sorry

Every part of my very being needs you just so that I can live
But I won't guilt you to stay or create expectations that I don't have
Every part of my very being knows that you should leave and become your best

I know that I am getting sick again

And that if I listen to the virus in my head, I'll be ******
Jun 2014 · 685
Night
Michael Pick Jun 2014
Nobody told me that sleeping alone would be so hard
If the room is completely quiet I sometimes hear your voice
Like from just the other night when you whispered I love you
Ever since you've said those words I've struggled on my own

I open all my windows to replace your breath upon my arms
Because if I fill the room with air then I can't tell it apart
If I roll over tonight I'll surely expect you to be there
But until that can be true again I'll just try to make do alone

I find a calmness in the way we don't need to do anything
We become our most intimate when we're inches apart
And surely the daylight seems to soften us up for the night
Because I miss the way you speak and make me feel

And God forgive you because your eyes could slay me
How dare they shine and glow in the dark while I look
It's like I've jumped head first into something new completely
I'm quite scared of the future but you keep my eyes open

I worried about reactions when I said how I felt about you
Yet I no longer care if people think we're crazy to say love
The way we've rushed into this almost surprised me at first
But now it's like the world moves around us instead of with us
May 2014 · 468
Untitled
Michael Pick May 2014
There was a time when I would've done
Just about anything you asked
But I'm slowly getting older now
And I'm slowly learning from the past
Not all beautiful girls are saints
Not that you were either after all
I'd like to say that disappoints me
But it's been years and I knew all along
May 2014 · 788
Untitled
Michael Pick May 2014
Darling I adore you
You put me to shame though
May 2014 · 390
Untitled
Michael Pick May 2014
I've ventured and explored every line along your skin
And I'm not quite sure where upon you it is that I belong
But I have patience and I will redouble all of my efforts
I will take my time and care to find the home you give me
May 2014 · 1.0k
Adversaries
Michael Pick May 2014
Two adversaries, exactly the same
Both I let in
Inside my house
Disguised as friends
The first bid their time, sat inside
They stole the china
The photos
My keepsakes
And set fire to the floorboards
Before they left

The second came along just later
Carrying tools and aid
We rebuilt my home around me
And then we sat inside
They smiled each day
And shook my hand freely
But one night they stole
Not a possession
But into my home at night
And ran their blade across my neck
May 2014 · 337
Untitled
Michael Pick May 2014
You manipulated me to an extent I didn't realize
And I still don't understand the reasoning for it
But thank God, that's a time that's long gone
May 2014 · 2.1k
Tangled
Michael Pick May 2014
One night can change a lot of things
And it's hard for me to explain
The connection you can make with someone
While you're tangled up in their legs

But seeing her eyes in the night
And just waking up to her breath
Was what made me let out a little sigh
While making me smile a bit too much

Last night we spent inside of her bed
Allowing us to forget the world outside
A connection stayed between our fingertips
While her legs were tangled up in mine
Michael Pick May 2014
I will run rusted memories
Across taunt skin inside my head
And I'll say it wasn't so
I'll do this for you now
And I will not bleed again
I will leave you to yourself
As I believe in you again
That you could do better yet

Than someone like me
Who just can't decide on anything
You don't deserve to be put through this
You don't deserve to be put through me
So it'll hurt for the time being
But someone will decide on you

You should know that I'm yours
But I'd rather you not be mine
You deserve someone who's okay with you
Someone who's okay in time
I'd rather you never knew me at all
And that's a lie I'll treat myself to
As you try to soften the blow
I've already run myself through

Because the things that I've said
Are enough to make sunsets fade
You don't deserve to hear this
You don't deserve to hear my pain
And of course I'm hurting you
But you'll hurt less overall is my hope

I only hope you don't forgive me
And that you move on fast
If you could find my fears
A man I was afraid you'd want
Then take up your chances
And give him a shot
I'd rather you go down fighting
Than go down because of words

One day you'll be whole for sure
And I'll be alone as I've assured
You don't deserve to be near me
You don't deserve to be alone
I hope one day you find a room
That you and I are not inside at all
May 2014 · 277
Untitled
Michael Pick May 2014
I don't know what's going on
But you're here and so am I
I know that you'll mention John
And it's going to bother me lots
But I just want my best friend
So I can keep you around now
I don't want to fall in love with you
Or not at the moment, at least
Apr 2014 · 435
Untitled
Michael Pick Apr 2014
Jesus, I know this is unreasonable
It's always been the dumb little things
That I'm never good at picking up on
And I'll admit, I saw some of it before
But now the comparisons are creeping in
When set alone it's insignificant
And it wasn't even a lie at that
At most you bent the truth a bit

She bent the truth around her fingertip
Every small thing added up
And eventually I had noticed
But by then it was out of control
I get ******* in people so easily
It's a weakness that I try to avoid
I really hope that I'm wrong about this
But I can't help but panic that you're lying
Apr 2014 · 461
Street Lights
Michael Pick Apr 2014
I guess that I shouldn't really be surprised you left a bad taste
Because horrible words taste the worst
And I've figured out that your songs are full of them
I can't forget how the way you spoke was so pretentious
Not every sentence is a ******* metaphor
And yours didn't even begin to make sense

No, I don't miss the late nights at your little Starbucks

Street lights aren't romantic, they're just lamps

And our drives weren't profound, they were reckless

Not every day has to be some stupid adventure
I can't believe I let you get away with saying wanderlust
And half the time I believed that's what it really was
You used me just to get some experience
I hope that I at least satisfied your curiosity
And that's really all I have left for you at this point

Because I've decided that I won't be able to forgive you

You make it so hard to open up to somebody else

And here's to hoping that wasn't your only goal

Because overall I still really miss you
I'd take the bad sides if only I could get the good
And that's testimony to how much you've ruined me
Yes, I miss you telling me how my eyes look in the sun
Your voice would still be comfort in the night
And I'd take anyone before you but I'd still pick you first

So maybe one day I'll navigate to better shores

I'll look back and say with sincerity that I hate you

And I'll get on with my ******* life
Apr 2014 · 2.3k
Intelligence
Michael Pick Apr 2014
We, the children of a system that awards you simple papers
That state 'he/she has achieved what we deem quality'
As we are all judged and graded in exactly the same way
Because they promote individuality unless it's intelligence

'We all learn differently, and at different paces'
Is an often preached sermon of our progenitors these days
Yet I know more about synonyms for ancestry and parents
Than how to survive once our papers begin to mean nothing

So here I'd like you to tell me what is considered knowledge
And I'd ask of the older generations to insert customary wisdom
Because more adults have spat quotes to me like gospel
Than tought me what I really need to know and value

I've got a track record spanning back almost two decades
Of being sorry for just being myself at all times
So I think my teachers should be proud of themselves
To know that the things they preach to me really get through

You see, homework and exams mean almost nothing
To those who need to really think on their feet
Because this same system idolizes the memory
Mistaking it for a wealth of rawest knowledge

So I love it when they say school is too easy on kids now
Rewarding losing and not promoting any ambition
Because I've been berated for attaining success at any level
Due to grades that define me not successful enough
Apr 2014 · 406
Butterflies
Michael Pick Apr 2014
If I could keep these butterflies
Inside a mason jar
I'd keep them close to me
And release them
Each time I felt your heart
Apr 2014 · 649
Souvenirs
Michael Pick Apr 2014
I think that between
The sweatshirt that still smells like you
And still owns a few of your hairs
Those birthday cards you made me on your own
And that story you wrote me as a Christmas gift
But I threw away later
If only out of sadness
Or the memories of the photo
Of you I snuck In the spring of grade ten
But you made me delete right away
Because you had that awful uneven tan
Do you think of when you sat in the cold to wait
Even though I thought you were never coming
Let alone early
And we held hands at school once
Without you making a fuss
You stayed up until two in the morning to talk me down
because I did the same for you so much
I also have a note you wrote me once upon a time
And I have a letter I recently wrote for you
But was too afraid to send
And I guess a line out of it sums up perfectly
The question that's been on my mind
If you keep anything from our friendship
Are they more like souvenirs or a prize?
Mar 2014 · 712
Untitled
Michael Pick Mar 2014
Maybe medication is the answer for me
I'm sure I'd like it a lot more
If you shoved pills down my throat daily
Than all of the words you put in my mouth
Feb 2014 · 314
Untitled
Michael Pick Feb 2014
It's funny how I haven't seen you in a year
Yet I still feel the need to explain myself
As I regurgitate all of my fears
In the middle of the calmest night
While my eyes grow more tired
And seeing your pupils make mine dilate
Feb 2014 · 303
Open Letter
Michael Pick Feb 2014
I'm in a bad place right now, so I'd like to write an open letter to myself
But truth be told, I was never taught how to write one at all
I've never had a friend to mail my thoughts out to
In fact, I wouldn't even know what to say to myself at all
Michael Pick Feb 2014
Now you make me feel like talking things out is pointless, and
You proceed to rip away any emotion that I might have
Maybe you like to think that it's meant to be for you, but
I simply can't stand the way you take and give nothing back
And that couldn't be the worst of it
Now, you see, you aren't even here to begin with
You're taking myself away from inside of my head
Your verbal abuse is causing a special type of sickness
And it's probably cliche, but by now I'm so sick of it
But that's still only a fraction of it
Because on top of your voice I hear the others
Not always inside my head, but mostly just in general
The jostling and racket of daily life can keep me rattled
Those same voices push in on me, until I can no longer breathe
Even then, when I manage to breathe
It's only so that I can justify my erratic thoughts and motions
I'm so sorry that I cry and that I run away from situations
And when I say nothing, I'm screaming quietly out of politeness
All in all, I'm holding in my condition so I'm not treated different
Because these days, stigmas breed
And usually, it's out of misinformation or lack of it in general
This lack of awareness by loved ones always seems to upset me
Because I'm taking myself away from inside of my head
And most of you will never know what anxiety really is
Oh my god. I'm so proud of myself for this one.
Jan 2014 · 326
Untitled
Michael Pick Jan 2014
If you would, shave off my mane
And push me forth toward the sea
No longer a lion am I
But a gull of the flock that flees
Jan 2014 · 775
Projection
Michael Pick Jan 2014
Emotions arise for others
Yet you still wander through my mind
At once, I called it obsession
But now I doubt the word
As I struggle with what I feel
I see you in her at once
Memories flood to the surface
And she confuses me even more

Am I so desperate for you that I do this
Can you project your love on others
Which leads me yet to more struggles
Since the word love sounds foolish

I still dream of you at times
And it still sickens me to a point
That feeling of happiness you bring
Wakes me with my whole body in knots
To think that I missed my chance
Do I use others as restarts
Or is it a natural thing to want you
As maybe, just a piece of her
Nov 2013 · 747
Use Me
Michael Pick Nov 2013
'You should inspire yourself'
Said a councilor at one time
'Inside you will find what you need'
And clearly he said the right lines
Finding myself empty was harsh
And it woke me from my sleep
And instead you all filled me in
Your hopes are now my dreams

Because I don't live for myself
And I don't think that I will
I'm just not a worthy cause
And I won't bother to heal
'You should follow your heart'
But what does that even mean
I've written my future off
And your wish is my command

To say what you want me to
Or do what you'd ask of me
As long as I'm of some use
I permit you to use me
If you should deem me worthy
My servitude becomes a drug
My function is inspiration
Your master-ship shows love

I may be on hands and knees
But it's for the pursuit of heart
I simply follow your leadership
I state that it guides my soul
By now I find that I'm wrong
But I'm just too afraid
If I seek out a better purpose
Then your love is betrayed
Nov 2013 · 988
Release
Michael Pick Nov 2013
I live inside of a life where I hide emotions
Inside of some dumb metaphors I can't finish
Because people react better when I write out
'I used my arms as another canvas'
Yet double takes result from 'I used to cut myself'
Clearly I'm still just an emo teen
A stereotypical kid who needs to find meaning
My sadness is pretentious and unwarranted
While my anger just makes me hateful
Because that feeling you deserve more than you have
Or that loneliness you feel during quiet times
It's all absurd when you're just a kid
You clearly can't be feeling all of this
They tell me to just ******* relax
I guess I could try to flip the switch
But light won't come on when it's not attached
Depression isn't just getting lost in the woods
And anxiety isn't just being shy
I just wish everyone'd lower their expectations
Of what I can accomplish over night
You act as if I'm proud I hurt myself to cope
Or that I ward off friendship to avoid emotion
And yes, I'm really beginning to rant
But frustration is really setting in
I'm getting sick of song lyrics understanding me
Even more than my own ******* friends
And while I don't really mean to curse
Politeness never gets my stupid point across
My voice, opinion, and feelings don't matter
And I wonder why I even wrote this at all
Nov 2013 · 464
December
Michael Pick Nov 2013
Breathe into me the December air
Do what it takes to make me remember
You could just bring us back for a moment
Seconds could hold my heart in place
And your pale eyes could pierce my soul
By brushing off the dust that's settled
Nov 2013 · 1.0k
Completion
Michael Pick Nov 2013
How many years will I be stuck
With this feeling like you're the only one
I'm left with pictures and memories
And you've left for school
And while you'll have a future
I'll wish my future was you
                 I brushed it off as being a kid
                 Love is infatuation instead
I'd like to think I know better now
Like feelings are real if you think they are
Almost like nobody can fill the void
I'm too young but too tired to try
I always have that phone in my hand
I could call you if I had the nerve again
                 But I've lost the idea that I had
                 I know that I don't stand a chance
I can't find out how to move on
And the more I try, I feel worse
But holding on feels so pathetic
Childish, immature and destructive
Something pulls at me inside
The longer I wait to fight this off
                 It's almost like I want this
                 You fill a void without taking part
How many years could I be stuck
With this feeling like you're the only one
Because it feels better to think that I've found you
Than having to continue to look
This attachment bears so many issues
Yet, it somehow just makes me whole
Nov 2013 · 429
Untitled
Michael Pick Nov 2013
There's a difficulty in finding yourself
Especially at a young age
And I think that the problem stems
From being lost in the first place
Replacing a soul is troublesome
It will pull upon your frailty
And then call upon your love
Before society takes back your heart
In the span of just a decade
We've all helped produce a shell
We now live in a world that is empty
It's also quite void of help
I'm no good at endings. Or middles. Or beginnings. Especially titles, though.
Nov 2013 · 598
Regression
Michael Pick Nov 2013
My happiness was just a misprint
The timing can't be more awful
I rebuilt myself up from the ground
I expected that I'd grown from it
Yet somehow I've regressed to when
I let shadows seep through cracks
I've just left myself vulnerable
Is there a cure for hollow cries

Where hope could spill I swim in fear
Of retracing my oldest of habits
The future was once an invitation
And at this time has been rescinded
So I hide in my corner and wait forever
That I'd flow with the courage I lack
But as everything is taken from me
The unknown is deadlier than I wish
Nov 2013 · 329
Untitled
Michael Pick Nov 2013
Guilt isn't something you get rid of
I know you're feeling the weight right now
You can try different ways to forget
Ask your memories to not make a sound

You can bury me in the backyard
So that you can't see my face fall off
Just know that you have killed me
And my agony doesn't stop
Aug 2013 · 1.7k
Telescope
Michael Pick Aug 2013
Time seperates more than you'd imagine
I'd swear every day feels like a mile
We've become out of touch now and
You're out of my reach yet again
When all that I ever wanted was your hand
Time allowed me to have it only once
But you'd be mine, I could see through my eyes
I could imagine it for that moment
And I imagine that moment in daydreams
Infinite hearts crossed in my head
Our lives played out like campy broadway shows
But daydreams are nightmares in waking hours
The pain of lucid moments like grasping empty space
The cup will fall, the water spill
It's stepping on glass just to breathe
I have years of memories to draw upon
Times spanning distances that'd bring us closer
But memories are like looking through a telescope
So time seperates more than you can imagine
Aug 2013 · 754
Wake
Michael Pick Aug 2013
What can be said of a man who never sleeps
Than perhaps he lives a fuller life?
Yet, a lesser would seem more fitting
When every moment woken is a contemplation of wrongs
Breathing would lose purpose without dreams
All while nightmares paint on eyelids
Leaving each blink a tragedy
Bloodshot dementia crawls through your head
When all you dare ask for is a calmer scene
You lose faith in tasks and track of time
A moment slept becomes the silver stag
Sought after and grasped for but never caught
As the volume steadily groans about
Voices in and out with solemn style
Broken glass to feet leaves faint traces
But all feeling had since departed
You'd wonder, if thought weren't so illusive
Are you even awake at all?
Apr 2013 · 413
Untitled
Michael Pick Apr 2013
i can feel the space between our hearts
in the earth beneath my feet
and know that where emotions lay
distance will never steal
into your night like i would
and i'll be there while you sleep
if you close your eyes
feel my chest, hear me speak
i'll trace patterns through your dreams
the spaces distance cannot steal
I dunno I don't really like this one or understand where it came from?
Apr 2013 · 318
Untitled
Michael Pick Apr 2013
It's hard for me
To understand
How we all think
We've got time on our hands
We like to live
Like we're dying slow
But in reality
We've never lived at all
Apr 2013 · 1.1k
approval
Michael Pick Apr 2013
didn't you ever know what it was like
to be just so sad and lonesome
like touching your face was another stroke
on the wrong key of a broken old piano

there are those who'd understand
the thoughts running through your head
but there are those who'd soon forget
cause it's too hard to try and help

so you'll feel like you're the wrong one
for anybody else to love
cause wasting their time is so wrong
when there's better things to be done

and you'll push them away at once
then you'll bleed a little blood
cause why leave a mark on the world
when you could leave another scar

but soon enough it'll be too much
and they'll say it was so ****** sad
that you were always so hopeful
why'd you go and do a thing like that

cause people miss even the quiet ones
it's your presence that comforted them most
but without a word of their approval
no way you'd get a word of your own
I dunno, I feel like it just kinda... stops *_* I like it otherwise, though
Mar 2013 · 702
Skin
Michael Pick Mar 2013
I would like tattoos
To cover marks and scars
And looks apart
From several spots
Here and there
Leave nothing bare
I will not let my skin
Breathe more of my air
Michael Pick Mar 2013
I'd forgotten for a little while
But it's hard not to miss
The simpleness and little things
Like the moments when we had kissed
It wasn't long and you were gone
But swing sets and certain songs
Remind me about who we are
And where we were right then
And if the best of days could be named
Then surely they'd be after you
Mar 2013 · 434
Untitled
Michael Pick Mar 2013
There's a hole left in the sky
All because you're gone
Constellations have exploded
You've left the universe in parts
And loneliness collapses suns
But I wonder what it'd do
Instead, all to a son of man
When his sky's no longer blue
More blaaaahs! Just writing to write.
Mar 2013 · 418
Shake n Break
Michael Pick Mar 2013
We've reduced ourselves to
Heart shakes and hand breaks
I mean;
We're all reduced to
Hand shakes and heart breaks
idk
Mar 2013 · 847
Patterns
Michael Pick Mar 2013
It feels like I've lost perception of time
Almost like when I went away
So did everything
And at first
Sure, it was great
I felt loose, free, almost like
A heavy burden was lifted from me
But slowly I'm lethargic
And my body can't fix what it
Can't feel
I must confront fears
That I'm getting better where better
Is a subjective field
A subjective meal
For the heart
Emotions eaten away
And I still care for you
But not the same
So in the grande scheme of things
What matters now, when
We live, we die, in predetermined
Patterns
Eyy, one that doesn't reflect how I feel. Maybe that's why I don't like it.
Michael Pick Mar 2013
I have scars and yeah
They all have their stories
Written scripts to heavy plays
With plot lines I can't share yet
So my mind's like an
Alberta rainy day
A longer expanse like a
Damp plateau or plain
Emotional highs are climbing like
A mountain range ready to drop from
This complex to extremes
But we can have happy moments
Without really being there
We all have our issues
And we work just to clear air
We all deal with them ourselves
Always in different ways
What's yours isn't mine, with
The dealings that words couldn't say
Like the heart's a grenade and
The pin can be a million subtle things
And the only broken heart I've had was
My fault with all my hopes and dreams
With built up emotions when I spared
Myself no lack of idealism
And if they say that drunk words
Are really just sober thoughts
Then in this life there's no place for
An inebriated heart
And while there's bruises on my back
From leaving problems out behind
I wouldn't accept any less than
Your scars and story lines
Because we're one of a kind with
The way that our mind would
Work through the times
And through writing and music
With George Watsky super verses
I've found my singular disability is
Over-thinking where my place is
But it's about time now
Where I'd work up to let go
'Cause I'm the only one to let down
When success is measured in gallons
So I put down the jugs and then
Expectations are the only
Exponential problems
And I know that I'll be fine
I like a lot of parts and hate other parts, but I think it sounds good when I say it, so I'm happy. First attempt at a new-ish style.
Mar 2013 · 801
Untitled
Michael Pick Mar 2013
Eleven thousand years weighted heavy on his soul
The ancestor spirits keeping touch with the boy
As a protector, a stronger, of a world so cold
An angel by all rights, hidden far from his home
A runaway by nature, wanting to see better things
Paradise forever wasn't among his list of dreams
Wings open, eyes wide, casting out across the Earth
Hands would touch soil of bases, second, first
Each new sight, discovery of a different life
Imagining how he'd nurture, or maybe even fight
A strong athlete, a great warrior, or a guiding light
No possibility could escape his grasp, his sight
The stories in these books and movies brought him hope
Maybe one day, he could aspire to become a greater proof
That his life is a journey, a story to be told
But for now, he'll cradle fables deep inside his room
Michael Pick Feb 2013
To say what I want to say
And not sound sad, or crazed
I'd seem for sure suicidal
It's an issue that leaves me misplaced
How can I say how much I hate
And the little I love
Without trying to say that the
World that I know holds such disdain
I can say at least, I'm content
I  miss the blisters though
And the rips and sores
I was kept healthy by a body that
I had created war torn
It was no cry for help
All it was, was for me
It was just releasing what I felt

But yet it made me live in fear
Not of me, or myself
But for the stigma it made
And the offers of help
The grief in the family and
The friends who couldn't bear it
They all made me embarrassed
And I felt so weak in return
How could I contract a disease
This disease of the meek
I couldn't bare my arms so
Sleeves became my brothers
Then the breakdowns came
Once scars were seen by others
And then the collapse was complete
Disaster from problem from nothing

I was forced off of it
By claims I was addicted
Like a razor blade was a drug
And there were reasons that I needed it
And I get your point of view
But you won't ever know mine
'Cause nobody our age ever
Did this in the older times
Like **** man, it's such a shame
Your buddy there cut himself, yet again
And I've been waiting for the okay
That I know I'll never get
'Cause it's off the table
To exchange pain for pain
But maybe here's some pills
C'mon, kid, they could make you change

'Cause it's a chemical imbalance
And we've discovered a fix
So just get your fix
With a swallow and a twist
Never mind the bands that help you
Or the poems that know you
This isn't how God had made you
So clearly the devil sought you out
And I know you won't **** yourself but
It helps if I think that way
So it's a compulsion, not a want
It's just something I won't allow
I'd be disappointed if you sliced again
This isn't why the body was meant
Tell me what we need to mend
I'll pull you off my designated ledge

I'm not imagining things, I swear
Look darling, you're off the deep end here
But wait, what could you do
I decided to stop and I did it all for you
If I picked up again
You'd say all the same old things
But you can't really stop me
Or at least, I believe
Sacrifice my frame of mind
Just for everyone else
I'm so sick and tired though
Of you questioning mental health
You could sit back and accept it
For whatever it's become
'Cause I don't see a fault line
So I don't have a problem
If anybody stuck with this, I know it's not too great, and I know it's EXTREMELY long, but it's just a bunch of stuff I had to throw out there. Might be a bit rantish or whining or whatever, but I have to let loose. Please don't judge..
Feb 2013 · 374
Time
Michael Pick Feb 2013
Not quite eighteen so time's still a lot
But not quite sure how I'll use it
Should I spend what I have as I keep going
Or take from the past and put it forward
I think too much and maybe
I laugh too little but
Time has told me to plan ahead
Several months have aged me beyond what I was
Seeing things now for what they are
Instead of what I want
Feb 2013 · 653
Saturday's Serenade
Michael Pick Feb 2013
Tracing older memories with fingertips on pillows
Staring at the thought of her and refusing just to let go
Of eyes that could pierce any wall of clouds
And hands that could mould the life of a star
You remind me each time that we speak
That not everything has to go away
I'll always see the same old things
And that's what you bring to me

Memories will peek out from underneath of covers
Gazing at the time that's passed
And this is what you remind me of
Singular thoughts will never be foreboding
Staring at the blanket sky
Laying outside alone for once
Each light described just who you are
Each star helped build your constellation

Carving names in the side of trees
Running old movies in my head
The imbalance in all of nature was
That you and I weren't there
An empty patch of grass was left
And there it sat all alone
Each blade of grass held memories
A thousand moments to not remove
Hmmmmm. I don't know if I like this one.
Feb 2013 · 545
Removal of Enemy Times
Michael Pick Feb 2013
Reckless abandon carrying souls
To let go of the past, to just move forward
History is that, it's simply time passed
So remove all thoughts, remove the amassed
Let go of your problems and serenity's made
Now focus at once on the life that you lead
There's nothing to miss and nothing to change
You can't get time but you can find a new place
Set out, explore, and even engage
And your heart will trace the boundaries you make
Feb 2013 · 865
Untitled
Michael Pick Feb 2013
As I sit down to think
I slowly close my eyes
To feel it flow openly
It's been a little while
But it hasn't been easy
I'm going out of my mind
It was so good for my body
To let the air ******* blood
So why count the days since
I can't use angry thoughts
They can't help me abstain
From making dark red blots

Pills and drinks don't mix
Knives are just a problem
Doctors want a quick fix
But life's already awful
Self help clinics
With aggravating offers
But I don't see a fault line
So I don't have a problem

To me this is normal
So what's with all the drama
Can't you let me do this
Stop forcing help like cough drops
Medicine's no answer
It's simply not a sickness
Scars will just scab over
Are your glasses so tinted
Let me deal with myself
And you go do your own stuff
Stop playing with my health
I mean, I'm still alive

Pills and drinks don't mix
Knives are just a problem
Doctors want a quick fix
But life's already awful
Self help clinics
With aggravating offers
But I don't see a fault line
So I don't have a problem

Not a mental condition
It's not what you're thinking
No mental remission
Just a lack of a feeling
I simply don't care
For friends that are leaving
I don't even need them
Just less reason for me to bleed
A global indifference
That's not new to me
It causes no problems
But I can't seem to dream

Pills and drinks don't mix
Knives are just a problem
Doctors want a quick fix
But life's already awful
Self help clinics
With aggravating offers
But I don't see a fault line
So I don't have a problem
yuck
Feb 2013 · 410
Help
Michael Pick Feb 2013
I heard your voice call out
It was so faint
And it wanted help
With the problems it brought

Almost an echo
But still just a thought
You know what you need
Oh, you know what you've got

And they don't seem to work
No, they don't match up
So I can't help you there
But you can't give up
Feb 2013 · 668
Rage
Michael Pick Feb 2013
Some days, I know who I am
And I know what I see
When I could feel the table
And then I know what is real
But it's gone in a flash
I become a parallel
There's an identity intact
But of who, I just can't tell
Because it's just not me
I become someone else
Sadness becomes anger
And I lose all control
Do you know what it's like
To create your own hell

But it's almost something else
To feel such emotion
To forgo all your senses
And just lose all yourself
For a moment, you're engrossed
You can hear it like a sound
You can watch it as it grows
To harness something real
But could you control it
And prevent from lashing out
Or would you struggle
And simply just explode
Emotions are a force
But would your grip truly hold
Feb 2013 · 534
Captivity of Ideas
Michael Pick Feb 2013
I just can't think straight
There's nothing to write
I know I wasn't great
But something's gotta give
My hands just won't move
Like my brain's feeling thin
But that's no excuse
I need something new
Blah. Slowly been running out of ANY ideas.
Feb 2013 · 607
Phase
Michael Pick Feb 2013
You could trace the pain back to its earliest days
Lines drawn on skin, marked out of hate
Oh dear, with broken hands what can you make
Split fibres of skin, blood strewn in paint
You're building a home in your mind
Simply to get far enough away
Built up walls broke down yet again
Take hope, child, in the strength of your name
'Cause you're still young and it's just games
Not a real war, just conflict of fates
Sights and sounds your head created
Battling each other in yet another phase
meh
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