postulate carnivals festivities ferris wheels unicorns
tooting horns laughs squeals of carnivorous
joviality held breath heights scary games of chance
winning all today
it is our day
to  populate reality
with
fairy tales or obliviate insanity send notice
from highs cry together deny no more the obvious
sobriety holding in that hit wary of getting caught
losing it all
so say with me
I believe
in fairy tales

I sit here, night after night, pouring myself into the cracks of history, bathing in obscure knowledge for the sake of trying to aquire some sort of superiority. Pointless. I've been burying myself in dusty scraps of information since I was a boy, and none of it has prepared me for you. You throw the beauty of an experience across my shoulders like a blanket and I shrug it off with mere facts and annotations, as if I'm afraid of what it would mean to accept the simplicity of you reaching out to me, not to explain but to share. The simple fact is that I withdrew from things a very long time ago and now I don't know how to come back. Always I must explain and analyze, pry up old tombstones thinking that if I can only find some kind of secret that I'd be able to step back into life. You told me that I hold too much back. You're right. I hold most everything back, bury it in the mass grave where I dumped the corpses of many selves. I don't know how to participate in life anymore, only to observe and calculate. And I'm afraid that if I can't figure out how to change that, it will strangle us.

Still with me his memory stays
A boy I knew in childhood days
On street corner he bore the sun
From rain emptied road didn’t run!

They called him ******* up bit insane
His skin was numb sense felt no pain
Else why he would just aimless roam
Most of time outside of home!

If asked his name in whispered hum
Would say I don’t know knows my mum
What’s two plus two if asked some fool
His answer was not taught in school!

To a school he was though never sent
His class was road book firmament
All he knew was that syllabus
His own riddles and plus minus!

He was known as good for none
Except for pranks and some fun
Ill clad uncared like an urchin
There wasn’t a home with a boy like him!

Woke me one night footsteps and shouts
In a neighborhood house fire had broken out
Amid billowing smoke and leaping flame
The crowd was crying out the boy’s name!

He had gone in there without a thought
The fire’s fury he was afraid not
It seemed so silly this heroic feat
But the boy you know was too ******!

To this day it haunts me to know
Why he did that what to show
I heard the buzz rumors were rife
He had gone in there to save a cat’s life!