i didn't know that losing sleep meant losing you too.

how could the hours upon hours i spent sleep deprived, bleary eyed, drunk off your opulent words, mean so little?

were the words you said just a myth?

just lies escaping your lips?

all the evening stars leading to a early morning sunrise, did they mean nothing?

why is it that your words were more comfortable than my bed?

why is the thought of not talking to you far more fear inducing than the test i have early in the morning that i did not study for?

the bags under my eyes,

the slowness of my step,

the drop of my head on my desk,

all worth it.

every second speaking to you was a gift.

and then you were gone.

and i thought that i could finally sleep again.

except that's the funny thing,

i'm not.

even now i'm still losing sleep over you,

even now?

there are tears on my pillow.

even now?

the words that used to rock my world make me terrified of the goodbyes just as we started our hellos.

and now,

callous in passing we remain.

Love is not having your life or revolve around someone. Love is the feeling you get talking on the phone with him laughing at one of his incredibly bad jokes. Love is the way he looks at you while you are lying in the grass falling asleep next to him. Love is the way he loves your body and curves and tells you this just so you know that you are beautiful. Love is the way his skin feels against yours knowing that you could take things further but not doing it cause right now feel perfect just the way it is. Love is the way tears come to your eyes while kissing him before he leaves to go to college. Love is not driving fast anymore because he has convinced you that someone loves you and that life is worth living without even saying those words. Love is wanting to be better for him because you know deep down that you do not deserve someone this special and amazing in your life.
He is love, he who knows when to tell you he loves you, he who wipes away your tears telling you it will all be okay and kissing you to make you feel better. He is perfect to you in every way, even the goofy way he eats.
No love is not your  whole life revolving around someone. Love is accepting a person into your life and letting them see you the way you really are. Love is letting someone become your world just so that you can protect them with everything you have and give them everything they could ask for.

I want to compose fear.
I want to put the feeling into words.
   into thoughts.
      into emotions.
I want the readers to know what it's like.
I want them to feel their hearts drop from their bony cages.
   like a plane into concrete.
      like the tears of your father.

Maybe I like house renovations so much because the thought of someone taking disasters and making them beautiful gives me hope that someday someone will do the same for me.

they said i built walls
and maybe they're right
i'm scared of the world
and the people it hides
these mountains of brick
stretch up to the clouds
and i'm all alone
but i can't get out
I hear them outside
they try to get through
these walls like a foretress
are holding so true
im alone and afraid
of the people out there
im afraid of myself
im afraid of myself
if lying's a sin
then i am no priest
i tell them i love them
to give them some peace
but i don't really care
if they stay or they go
they're outside my walls
lost in the flow
you came to the wall
like everyone else
another lost soul
outside of my cell
i stared at the ground
without lifting an eye
your hand on my face...
...you were inside

you broke through my cage
like it wasn't there
and all in one instant
i wasn't so scared
you sat down beside me
your story you told
with you beside me
i wasn't so cold
you've lifted me up
so I can stand tall
you showed me true love
here in these four walls.

nowyouregone
thewallshavecrumbled
andiamcrushed