I want to compose fear.
I want to put the feeling into words.
I want the readers to know what it's like.
I want them to feel their hearts drop from their bony cages.
like a plane into concrete.
like the tears of your father.
August 2nd, 2015 10:19p.m.
I saw myself falling and falling
Getting hung up on every little tree branch
Every bump in the road
And I realized it was time to cut the excess
I drew my knife and sliced at all that was holding me back
feeling the sinew tear at the blade
I lightened my load to the bare bones and ran
I ran towards all that I dreamt of
I have never needed all those things holding me back
I needed myself
The security blankets wrapped so heavily around me were nothing but
The security I needed is in my mind
August 2nd, 2015 12:41a.m.
He said, "It must be nice, to sleep in and nap all day"
He said, "I'd like to try it some time"
And in my head the monologue began:
"It's all that I'm good for"
"It's all I can do without ******* it all up"
"But even that's a lie"
"Because I can't even sleep anymore"
She said, "What's bothering you"
I let out a 'nothing is bothering me'
And it was true.
She said, "If you need to talk you know we're here"
And I thought, "I wish it were something I could do"
July 21st, 2015 8:45p.m.
Maybe I like house renovations so much because the thought of someone taking disasters and making them beautiful gives me hope that someday someone will do the same for me.
Really couldn't think of a clever title but that's okay we can't all be geniuses all the time
"I SAW ALL THE PEOPLE I SUNK ALL MY TIME INTO AND HOW HAPPY THEY WERE WHEN THEY'D WALK AWAY AND I DECIDED MAYBE I WANTED TO BE HAPPY TOO"
"BUT NOW IM ALL ALONE AND USELESS BECAUSE I DECIDED TO STICK UP FOR MYSELF AND STOP BEING USED"
May 21, 2015 11:58p.m.
~As the car crested the hill side drive at 10:03p.m. I witnessed lightning prance along the skyline like fawns and for a split second I lifted from my glazed over state and felt moved.
~Now it's Midnight all I can think of is you and how I might convince you to stay with me for a while and, Dear, quite frankly, I'm at a loss save this one particular idea.
~I may not be able to give you forever and I **** well won't promise it to you because we both know right now it's preposterous to say something so everlasting when our mortal bodies are so limited.
~But I can give you the nights together that we still have to experience.
~I can promise to never leave your side emotionally because, obviously, we're not as blessed as the lovers who live next door to each other thus being around each other physically is a plain challenge.
~As the looming shadow of a higher education chills me I know this much:
-there are hands to be held
-sweet nothings to be told
-and there are nights meant to be spent together.
~There is only one person I can stand to give my time to at this point and at the same time I'm dying to soak up all of theirs.
~And that person is you.
C.R.H. May 10th, 2015; 12:45a.m.
Explain why you do this to me.
Explain why I'm left with my heart racing.
Every time you leave me with a "darling"
I fall another hundred feet for you.
The way your eyes pierce with skepticism;
The way they soften in realization and lighten with your smile;
It will do my head in, I swear.
May 5th, 2015; 1:13p.m.