I hate this place
I hate it so much
It makes me want to leave
I hate this place
I hate it so much
I want to sit and cry
I can't leave this place
This is my hell
This is my prison without bars
Sometimes I can grin and bear
And take the daily routine
But mainly I just want to die
And take this place down with me

You know the place of which I speak
It's in your heart too
We all go there sometimes
Maybe a lot, or just a few
I hate it when I'm here
This prison with no walls
This cell that has no boundaries
This cage for my mind
My soul is entrenched
By the constraints of my brain
So I take leave in a rush
And hope that you will too
This place is not long for us
But maybe it'll be good for you.

Have you ever found yourself in a dilemma?
Found yourself between two things.
On the one side, you have security,
And on the other chance.
You like to gamble, and roll your dice.
But is it worth the price?
Can you juggle both, and not get caught?
Or do you stick with what you've got,
And regret never taking that one chance,
That one chance to fly....

To break through what you can't see
Seems like something impossible
Only time will tell
If you truly possess the power
Believe in luck, believe in chance
And all things will fall in their place
Whether by your side or not
Things happen for a reason
Sometimes good, sometimes bad
But time will tell whether it is either
So let it be, and you will see
The jigsaw pieces will come together

In this world of madness,
It's hard to find the norm.
In this swirling chaos,
You calm my storm.
You are my strength,
You are my weakness,
You are a pure disease.
Can you stay,
Till this storm passes
Can you wait,
Till I fathom
The thought that you
Would be with me
Because I never dreamt
That this could be

And the pain that I feel
Is no where matched,
To the love that you give
The soft touch of your fingers
Running over my body
Is like rubbing silk on satin
The feel of your hair
Makes mine stand on end
And the touch of your lips
Makes my heart stop within
One more second is all I ask
If I could turn back time
I’d do it again
Every moment, every tick
Of the never ending clock
Cause every time that hand moved
I was falling in love with you.

Oh let me be with you
Just one time before I go
Amongst that dark and blue
All of you are the one
When I set my eyes on you
Black and bleak with a spiral of white
That's where I am tonight
You tease and mock my soul
Every night I am out with you
I cry whenever you leave at morning's dawn
Just once take me with you
Before golden rays burn us away

Is there no one there?
Is there no one to help me?
I keep screaming unfair
But I’m drowned by monotony
I can't help but wonder
Why did you have to bother?
You won't be happy
Till I’m six feet under
You say its love at first sight
I’d say its first degree
Because every single night
You love to break me
We’ve been going strong
But lately its been getting hard
And I wonder how long
Before it’s all too scarred
I can't make up my mind
Keep you for security
Or go out and see what I can find
You tell me it’s my maturity
But I think it’s your mood
You want it to last
But it’s so hard to conclude
That you and I are past...

I feel it coming
   this sensation of old
Like a tornado's wind
  quiet before the storm
I feel your heart beating
  we beat in tune
But something in me fears
  my heart will skip a few
It is an age old wound
  that once torched my soul
It was a love for a jewel
  that turned black inside
Only because I let go
  dropping it to my feet
The shattering pieces
  splattering black ink
Enough of the old
  I will get back to you
I love what you've done
  made my heart into goo
But now I have to run
  so yours won't too
It is the only way I know how
  when saying goodbye
I just pick up and run
  bowing as I go by

Laying on the ground,
Its two in the morning.
The winds have died down,
And in some way, I'm mourning.
Tar fills my lungs,
I can't help that now.
The taste is foul on my tongue,
Just like your name that I disavow.
The stars up in the sky,
Shed light on my darkness.
Just like all birds can fly,
But only to impress.
To show they're masters of their skill,
And I wish I could be one.
I wish to be up there, and feel the thrill,
But as I'm about to soar, you cease my run.
So I lay here alone, broken and bruised
I always try to pick myself off the dirt,
But you always refuse.
You keep me down here, so I can hurt.
You keep me down here, so you can fly.
But hold on to your wings,
Cause ******, I am going to survive.

Smells like rain as I wander through thick fog
Always an arms length away from the wall of white
Can't find my way, trapped inside an open maze
I keep walking forward, although I can't feel the ground
My head in the clouds, brushing feathers with fowl
My eyes separate light, like a prism in my pupils
Red crosses yellow, crosses green, crosses blue
Then a flash of orange and I snap to
Lying on the ground with my adrenaline coming down
Like a needle in my heart, I can't gain control
Flashbacks of color cause reality to blur
My limbs are like water, splashing into the ground
Trying to gain the upper hand simply causes chaos
With no one around to help me from this place
I lie in the sky watching the ground roll by
Nothing I can do to stop from being so high
I reach for tress hoping to pull myself down
But at arms length I can only grab white mist
And it smells like rain as I rest in the clouds

An Angel, silent
Her fingers, cold and stiff
The beauty still clinging to her face
Wings, draped low
Her face slows to expressionless
Floating away atop a sheet of mist
This is the journey we all missed
For on top of the Pearly Gates
Lies another Heaven, her resting place
The death of an Angel
as she sifts into the blue
Carried upon clouds of white
Ascent, into the highest light

And from the depths of hell
Does blind justice strike
Be in the wrong
And it will set you right
And from the depths of hell
Does my anger flow
You will feel my revenge
When I strike the final blow
And to the depths of hell
Will I stay for eternity
Forever happy
That you will join me

I can't take it when you say goodbye
I can't take it when you make me cry
I can't stand it when you act so sly
I hate it when you ask me why
Don’t you know that you’re the one?
You are my warmth, my only sun
I can't believe you’re so much fun
Because of everything that has been done
The way you make me feel inside
Is like a bird flying in the sky
You’re like a drug that gets me high
But this drug won't let me die
The pressure I feel, is measured in tons
Every time I see you come,
Something tells me to run
But when I try, I only get spun
This time its for real
Everything I say, I feel
I won’t try to hide or conceal
Cause when I’m with you, it’s all surreal

After nights of sleepless fun
I have realized that I am done
And when I say fun, I really mean pain
And when I say pain, I really mean drain
Because that's what you did to me
You drained me completely
And last night I almost died
But you didn't care, you were fried
And when I say fried, I mean drunk
But **** girl, you were a slam dunk
You were my dream, my wish
You were the best caught fish
But time cures all things
I realized then what time brings
Time brings a cure
A serum so absolutely pure
That when I drank it
I realized, you weren't it.

And it's hard to breathe
It's so hard to speak
I use my anger as a sheathe
That covers my streak
Of pain and suffering
I can't help but contemplate
That all of my acting
Is helping the ones I hate
I want to be free of this
This bond that holds me
I want to feel bliss
And wouldn't you agree
That depression is a ***
When you know too much
Then depression is a slum
That holds you like a crutch
A crutch that is broken
A crutch that will fall
Unless you're out spoken
By friends who will call
Friends who will lift your spirits
Out of your downed state
You rise to appeal it
You break through the darkness
To arrive in the light
Only to be shut down again
Taken back to where you hate
Back to the place you put me
Back to me and my depression

Uncertainty is like a drug
You know you should try
But there is that nagging voice inside
You have to go for it, at least once
What's the risk? You loose something?
Well you can't loose something
If you never go for something
So if you play it safe and never try
Then you miss that opportunity
Every single time
But if you try and make a dare
You could win and come out
With something more than you expected
Or you could lose and be shorthanded
Either way, it's a risk few like to take
But there are those few, those lucky few
Who come out on top and walk away
Feeling better, stronger about everything
So, it may be scary, it may be hard
But take that risk and reach for the stars

I stand only to fall
I fall only to be seen
In the end, it's always obscene
I tend towards anxiety
I dwell on fear
To help you realize
That I am never here
You want me to be close
You want me to hold
But I'm not always there
When it gets so cold
The winter bites close
The summer stays away
The chilling wind blows
And the sky is always gray
The storm draws near
The clouds grow dark
You start to see a tear
Which is going to run stark
The end is in sight
you begin to run fast
You won't even fight
The dreams of the past
You've reached the edge
It's all dark and black
You look over the ledge
And jump...
Without ever looking back

Walk out the door,
Let the wind hit your face.
He kept you warm all night,
I thought of your warmth,
While hugging teddy tight.
I look to my right,
Expecting to see your face.
But I see a white wall,
And your smell is gone.
I feel for your warmth.
But you’re not here,
You’re never here anymore.
And its so hard,
It’s so ******* hard.
I hope its easier for you,
Cause I know you’re not as strong.
And I can't see straight,
Through the tears.
And I know you never cry,
Because he has his arms around you,
Keeping you safe from the dark.

So I look to the sky and I ask Him above:
"What am I doing? Where do I go?"
He strikes down some light, and shows me a path,
The light was too bright, so I closed my eyes.
And under my skin, I saw the trail.
It was long and winding, steep and frail.
But I walked that path, standing in the light.
My feet weren't were moving, and I didn't take flight.
But I could feel the path, moving beneath my feet.
I could feel his gaze, warm with heat.
I still walk this path, but with eyes open.
Someday I will step and reach the end.
But I won't be alone. No, I will have you, my friend.

**** me
Slowly and swiftly
Let the pain be bearable
Give me that nostalgia of youth
Let the adrenaline run through me
Give me the strength to give up
And live through my death
I want the memories to fade
From the day I was born to today
Let the pain sink into my veins
Like razor sharp feathers
Till the crimson flows like grass
And I can feel the cold burn me
The darkness is too bright to take
With my eyes wide shut
I take a deep breath and suffocate

No more midnight sleepovers.
No more movies we never watch.
No more teddy, no more lambiepoo.
He was the first gift I gave you.
No more sweet nothings in your ear,
No more will I hide you from your fear.
No more mid-afternoon naps,
No more stale bread for the ducks.
No more fries for the squirrels,
No more walks in the light.
No more night swimming,
No more late night ice cream.
No more freaking out,
Laughing till we have six pack abs.
No more will I be there.
No more will life be unfair.
No more tears to shed,
No more angry words spread.
No more will we be sad,
No more will we be mad.
No more will I be there,
To wrap my arms securely around you.
No more....
                                     No more....
                                                                            No more....

Day in, day out, Life goes by
Sometimes, showing you every detail.
You notice every flower, every specific aspect.
But, like most, my Life is a blur.
Minutes pass into hours
Hours into days.
Days into years.
I try to stop the monotony
But every effort I put forth
Is shot down, or backfired.
"In the end, everything's gonna be okay"
That’s what they say.
It's hard to believe, when day-by-day
Life continues the same boring way
I guess it'll work out, I guess it'll be okay.
It's hard to see, it's hard to breathe.
But I'll make it through till the end.
You'll see, because I'll be there,
When you are beginning to leave,
Crossing over that no return line.
To wave you goodbye.

After nights of sleepless fun
I have realized that I am done
And when I say fun, I really mean pain
And when I say pain, I really mean drain
Because that's what you did to me
You drained me completely
And last night I almost died
But you didn't care, you were fried
And when I say fried, I mean drunk
But **** girl, you were a slam dunk
You were my dream, my wish
You were the best caught fish
But time cures all things
I realized then what time brings
Time brings a cure
A serum so absolutely pure
That when I drank it
I realized, you weren't it.

As I lay in bed at night,
Something catches my eye.
A golden strand of hair,
From memories gone by.
I roll over to face the window,
Hoping the pain will subside.
But normally when I do that,
Your hand graced my side.
Ask if everything was ok,
I'd say yea and roll back.
Laying there staring,
Into your beautiful eyes.
I get this sensation,
That I'll be in your heart forever.
It so hard not to think,
Sitting alone here in this house.
Looking at the stairs,
That you've sat on so many times before.
My bed that we laid in,
For the very first time.
Gone, much like you,
To a place I cannot find.
So I sit here alone,
Thinking all about you.
Knowing that you,
Aren't thinking about me too.
So it's time to move on,
Grow up and grow old.
Maybe someday we'll be together,
But for right now, I fold.

My heart aches when you’re gone
My mind's blown when you’re near
It’s like a light switch turned on
You show me no fear
You’re stronger than me
In many aspects of life
If only others could see
That when you’re near, I know no strife
I tell you that you’re beautiful
You tell me you don't care
I can't help and act like a fool
Because all I can do is stare
All I know is next time I see you
I'll make sure you hear
That if only you knew
You make my day, my week, my year

On a pitch dark night
Two kids got in a fight
On the only tracks
This railroad town had
They duked it out
Fighting hand to hand
And when all was said and done
Neither one could stand
So they both laid down
Known they were beat
But not by each other
But the girl for whom they compete
So on the tracks, both boys lay
Waiting for the train to come
And make it a better day

And I’m so tired
And I’m so beaten
I’m sore and used
Every time I stand up
I keep getting bruised
The world never stops
The world never quits
It keeps on going,
Even if I persist
I can't stop change
I can't change the norm
I can't even hold on
To what was once warm
I tried to once, a long time ago
Only to lose
And learn to let go

I'm sorry I ever came into your life,
I’m sorry that I caused you pain.
I’m sorry that I hurt you so much,
So much that I will never know.
I’m sorry I couldn't be there,
I’m sorry I wasn't close by.
When the things that hurt you most,
And the things that made you cry.
I’m sorry that you fell in love,
I’m sorry I thought I did too.
I’m sorry I got myself caught up in this,
And I’m sorry you did too.
You want me to runaway from you,
To a place that only I know.
I’m sorry I’m confused and torn,
I’m sorry that I wasn't reborn.
This mark that you've made on my life,
Is one I will never forget.
So I don't know if this is goodbye,
Or maybe just, “I’ll see you later."
But I know one thing is for sure,
I will never forget the time we've spent
And the moments that last forever.

A stop of time
A stop of heart
Such a horrid crime
It rips me apart
Something so small
Sometimes overlooked
But this time, not at all
This time it's hooked
I can't see past it
I can't see through
I once thought I had it
But now I see,
I've lost you.

Not far away, from her cloud of white
Flies up another Angel, this time at night
He is carried upon thunder clouds of gray
Lightning flashes and the storm fades
This Angel is the soldier of Heaven
He is one of the sacred Seven
The Seven who protect the Holy Gates
Whose weapons of might decide the fates
Of every last Angel who rise against this place
But on this cloud of gray, blood runs down his face
For this is no beautiful death
This is a death of glory, fought to the last breath

Red is the color I feel today,
It is because of last night too.
I was hoping you had come to stay,
And hoping that you would stay true.
So as my hopes came around,
My love and passion for you will bloom.
And if you stop and listen to that sound,
You will hear our hearts beat in tune.

I am a monster, that’s all
I toyed with my emotions
Knowing I could take the load.
But what about you, I never thought?
You can't take the load
And I found that out quick
Your tears are like daggers
Slicing through my veins.
It’s hard to think, hard to say
That I want you so bad
But I can not stay
So I leave you here
With not but a promise
That I will not forget you
And I will come back
My word is like stone
It carries immense weight
And is hardly ever broken
I want to say, "I love you"
Cause you know that it’s true
I want to say, "I love you"
But what is the use...

How can you call it love?
How can you call it anything?
I see you every day,
And when I say hi,
You turn away.
But, still, I persist.
Striving for your attention.
I call you every day.
But you're "busy" with your friends.
You yell when I'm too close,
You scream when I'm too far.
There is no middle ground for you,
Just an empty space.
An empty space where you fill my heart.

so, the beginning to the end?
or just the end to the beginning.
your love turned to just a friend,
you left my head spinning.
now I'm left to pick myself up,
off this cold hard ground.
you left me like a stray pup,
alone, lost, waiting to be found.
the sun comes up over the hill,
but its warming rays miss my face.
and I'm left in the cold to chill,
which burns my eyes like mace.
or maybe its the tears that burn,
that race down my red cheeks.
it was your voice that was stern,
and told me, it was your turn to speak.
so I let you speak your word,
and it ripped through me like a sword.
and just like I said I heard,
your eyes hit me like a dart board.

Sitting here alone in my chair.
Staring at two things so rare.
A Marlboro, which I never smoke.
And your screen name, which I can't invoke.
I click it on, and click it off.
Up comes the window, X makes it disappear.
I write long poems, I put in sad songs,
Only to close it out, cause the pain is so strong.
You sign off, maybe to go back to Lee.
I take a break, to walk it off.
I walk in your direction,
Maybe just maybe to see your reflection.
The rain falls as ice, not quite snow.
I let the tar fill me with hate.
You never show, so I walk back.
But in a way possibly to see you.
Call me a stalker, call me what you like.
But I think I'm a wanderer,
Walking in the dark, searching for the light.
You shine more than anything I know.
Watching you walk, float across the ground.
It's possible you’re the light,
But your light emanates from within.
You won't let me share that light,
At least not anymore.
You give your light out sparingly,
Right now to someone else,
But not all your light,
Not like you gave it to me.
Did I put out your fire?
Did I put out your flame?
I tried more than anything, to make it blaze.
I gave you everything, I gave you my soul.
Maybe that was wrong of me,
Maybe I shouldn't have tried so hard.
I'm just so afraid of loosing you,
So afraid of life without you.
I can live without you being my everything.
But you being my nothing, I cannot go on.
Best friends, we tried, but I think it can work.
We just need time apart, to let feelings subside
We need to be just friends, in the long run it'll work
Because right now, I feel that is.
I love you too much to just look at you,
And see just a friend.
And you either love, or are so used to me,
Being so much more to you, to do the same.
I can't tell if you lost your love,
Or if you ever loved at all.
When I asked you if you loved me,
You said you didn't want to hurt me.
Well saying that hurt me worst of all.
Hence why I said, ill make this easy for you.
And now I'm not sure if that was right of me to do.
But you needed to know, but you took it wrong.
You went to his place, and vented your anger.
I don't know what to do anymore rob.
It’s so hard not talking to you,
So hard not looking in your eyes.
They say time makes it easier,
But god it gets so much harder.
You have "him" to go to, when times are rough.
I go to my bed, with just the memory of your thought.
I hug teddy tight, he keeps me warm.
Because sometimes I can't control my emotions.
And the tears flow like waterfalls,
And I sob like a child.
Knowing your not even thinking of me,
Rather entertaining his wiles.
It’s so hard for me to understand,
We had so much, so much in our hands.
I gave you my heart, and you gave me a cold.
Just let me know, in some form or fashion.
You feel the way I do, your love was true.
I know he makes you happy, and I’m so glad.
The pain you've caused is nothing,
Nothing compared to your happiness.
It may not be safe to say,
But I have a secret I’ve been holding
For these past few days.
Just a few simple words,
When put together, mean more to me than gold.
I can't yell it to you, nor speak at normal tone.
Anything more than a whisper,
And the meaning looses its hold.
Silently now, listen close...
I love you.

In love...
With the moon setting into the ocean,
Over the balcony filled with passion.
Under covers and intertwined,
Breathing softly together.
In and out, up and down.
Slowly fading, ever sinking into darkness.
A spattering of dreams mix with reality.
A glimpse of the future; a rustling outside.
A toss and a turn or a sharp and distant past.
In love...
With the early birds and the dawning light.
Feet lightly touching; hands clasped tight.
Necessity to move but a want to stay still.
A kiss on the lips with a longing in the eyes.
Another breaking morning and another soft goodbye.

I can't let it get to me
But every time I try
He just burns right through me
Burns right through my eyes
You say he's just a friend
But what was he before
You say it won't happen again
But what's one time more?
I can't let him get to me
He’s like a broken leg
When I keep trying to run
******* can't let it get to me
But it keeps burning my mind
The thought that you can escape me
Just never makes it right
I hate it when I think
I hate it when I dream
Cause every time I do
You seem to just leave
I’m gonna stop this now
And never look back
These horrible thoughts I have
Are going in the trash
**** him and his life
Hope he gets well soon
I’m leaving this place
I’ll be back by noon...

Love is lost
Hate is found
You're like frost
I'm tied and bound
Stick to faith
And learn to believe
Love comes quick
And leaves so fast
Burn your thoughts
Sacrifice your dreams
Drop what you have
And pick up what you need
Keep your health
And **** all else

In the face of uncertainty,
we are forced to make a choice.
Whether it be right or wrong,
a choice must be made:
to stumble in the blinding dark
or head for a brighter day.
If in the dark you reside,
pain and suffering you must hide.
If the light draws you near,
love and passion must keep clear.
So, as I fall into the darkness,
I can't help but wonder
how to fall faster.