I see you so often in my dreams,
working magic by being close it seems. It's hard to believe you've gone away, that I'll never get to see you, with my hair all grey. But I'll never have to decide for you which treatment you may need or have to put you in a home because your mind had seized. I always worried that someday I'd explain that I need to take away your keys, and that you'd look at me in pain. Those are the only positives I can muster with your loss, I can list those with a half smile because I'd feel uncomfortable being boss. Love for me in this world, went down dramatically when you left, for who loves unconditionally and who knows best? I can only weep and mourn you just like I had with mom and hope to god I'll see you both, in the ever after beyond. I am so very thankful, been lucky enough to have had such a loving and awesome dad.

Dream a dream of me
Wait till I've gone
Out of sight with eyes open
Closed you're permanently there
You promised to always be
This is what you must have meant
Popping up in dreams to say hi
Reminding over how you moved mountains
These stray emotions unwanted and thrown aside
Ill tell them again the foods run dry and the old lady died
To find another home where someone cares
To forget the dream when the wake comes

How can I expect thoughtfulness from one who doesn't feel ?
I cringe at your definition of friendship
I know you don't know how to be
While you trample on sacred ground
with a head full of high I's
I see you've never known love
I see the writing on the wall
a play not written by you
Repeater of those vanished voices
Ashes at what once was alive
Resentment passes landing on your doorstep
Careful trotting on rotten floor boards
To lose yourself in dream killing doors
Excuses will not fill the void
Stumble around in a cloud
Clenched teeth
Hurting
Hoping in mirrors and ghosts for salvation
You're living a lie... time is tick ...ticking by

Covet me with comfort in your voice
I wait to listen see the sound
Delight sweeps across our faces
the scent of your full lips
pressed hot against mine
Have I ever been this close to another?
To find myself in your eyes
To find you in my eyes
Our gaze like two seas
symmetrical with no boundaries
where one ends the other begins
Lead me I want nothing more
Hold me I need nothing more
I'm happiest gazing at you
My love my Master

Absconded and stolen an unchangeable minute in time
You've taken all the answers, all but the pain.
This sorrow lies distasteful and lingering like a hangover.
I've come full circle
The questions are the answers
Turn up the silence think on it no more.

Seven months have tortured, mocked and grayed out my life
Seven months ago I'd bet on my life that I was your wife
With you life rushed fast and colorful not taking a moment
Without you each breath a slow moment farther away
I can't seem to understand  
It's me your best friend
It's me the one who talks herself in circles
Who always waits your reply
Treasure your company
Need your friendship ​
Believe on countless times
Your words wrapped up my heart
In a chorus of love and always and forever
I have my good days
I have more of those bad days
I miss you
So very much

My first love, my blood, my sweetest Mother
Her ravaged body wrapped in white cotton cloth
White so bright as to spill into cancer with light
I brought her white chrysanthemums
Their long petals scooped away the tears
Rising and falling like tides in an ocean of sorrow
We burned incense, we bowed, we embraced change
We were reminded that life is delicate like rice paper
In all of time she was unique as herself, the only one ever
I remembered daisy chains
Sky blue eyes which said they loved me unconditionally
How she stayed in the hospital with me all night
Holding my newborn child
Whispering secrets into her granddaughters ears
Only they will ever know.
I miss her laugh, her pearls of wisdom
" Take it easy on yourself, love "
" Take care of yourself first so that may take care of your daughter"
" Remember you are beautiful, strong intelligent and loving"
I still hear you Mom