You never realize how hard it is to be happy
Until you've gotten tired of wallowing in misery
After tasting happiness
And still having dark thought plague your mind
How you struggle to push them back
Exhausted by the end of the day
Telling yourself "you're good enough" but not believing it

I feel myself growing distant
Further and further everyday
The shell I worked so hard to break through
Surrounds me once again
The blade it brings no comfort
Yet I feel no pain
Will I ever learn to love myself
Like I did yesterday

I hunger for the blade against my skin
Like a necrophiliac lusts for
Cold decaying flesh

I need the blade to feel the rush
Like an addict needs
A shot of ****** racing through their veins

I want to see the blood
Like a murderer stares in amazement
At his latest masterpiece, all gore and guts

Turn on the TV
Nothing but static
Switch to the news
Riots and violence

Brainwashed with lies
Afraid of the new
Judging the different
Just to be "cool"

Side-effects are
Outweighing the illness
The Federal Government
Is keeping secrets

Teens shooting guns
Children are dead
Kids hyped on drugs
But "It's all in your head"

Pop some more pills
Make the pain go away
Cut a little deeper
No one cares if you stay

Butterfly, butterfly
On my arm
You're no use to me

I only ask
For you are the creation
Of the one I love

Her hands held the marker
That graced my skin
An indirect whisper of skin against skin

Little butterfly
Though useless you may be
You are perfection

From the tips of your antennae
To the bottom of your wings
And the swooping pattern in between

Imagined and concocted
Made by the hands
Of god herself

Delicate butterfly
You hold her essence
In your dark lines

At night I close my eyes
Trace your shape
With my fingertips

Though you don't stop the blood
Little butterfly
I still love you

Filling my body with this poison
Shoveling it into my mouth
Perhaps if I consume enough
I'll die of the disease

I feel it, sluggishly crawling
Through my entrails
Acid churning it
To be exhumed from my body

More, more, I need more
The hunger only grows
As I sit at the table, another dose prepared
I wonder, will I ever be full?

Blisters and scabs, welts and burns
Evidence that it's slowly working
Eating me alive from the inside
Bringing the real me to the surface

Standing in front of the mirror
I look in distgust
Yet I couldn't be happier
I am almost done

Disease ridden
Poisoned from inside
A husk with peeling skin
Oozing black slime

We are all distgusting
We have all told lies
They eats us alive
Turning us dead inside

The horror of these actions
Showing up in death
When the worms eat our decaying flesh
And maggots swarm our brain

In the privacy of the bathroom
Lock the door
Check it twice

Pull out the small plastic box
Take out your weapon
Smile

Hot water to clean
A silver blade to cleanse
Bleed away the memories

Watch it twining down your leg
Like a scarlet ribbon
Wrapping itself around your calf

A red river going down, down, down
Swirling, twirling into the drain
Staining the tub red

My legs hurt
The blood is seeping through
I leave smudges on my bed sheets
And risk discovery when wearing shorts

But the scars are so beautiful
Do you think, that if you close your eyes
You'd be able to read them like braille?

My New Years resolution?
Why would I stop doing the very thing
That keeps my alive
By killing me a little
Every time