As each year passes, the miles grow longer and longer;
I stopped visiting, I never wanted to leave.
I stopping going, they kept asking me to stay.

When I see the green, my heart flutters,
When I see the orange, yellow and brown, my heart stops.
My life changes like those trees. I can never go home. I can never enjoy the climate, culture and community.

Here I sit. Alone...

at ...home.

These words burned deep inside my soul.
The painful remnants of my heart collapsed.
Left alone for decades, like some thrown out old antique.
Left to suffer unspeakable horrors. Alone.

No one came to my side.
No hero to rescue me in any time of need.
No love to abide me.
No comforting arms to hold me, for even one minute.

For one minute was all I was asking.
The sorrow of decades gone by.

I simply requested one single moment.
As that is how alone I am.
I would take one single minute of being held.
That could sustain me a lifetime.

All I wanted to do was politely move to the next steps
I could not help but notice she stated on facebook "Love you".
She called you ****. So, to be fair, I asked her if you were an item.
Yet, in your rage and defense of her or maybe yourself, you stated to me, "Wow, Thank God I never went down there!!!"

I cry every day now. Every day since. I've wept believing this is your true heart.

I will never stop loving you.
However, cruel and toxic.
A doormat is what I am to your love.
How someone would treat me like this and yet, my love grows stronger.

Maybe he needs love too.
Maybe it wasn't me.
Maybe I'm an idiot.

It was, surprising to say the least.
You would throw me to the side for that beast.
I had been respectful and pure.
She called you **** on your timeline.
I needed to be sure.

She stated, "told you, love you" about your test.
I spent a lot of time discussing that test with you, so you could do your best.
She said, "Told you, Love you!" on your post.
I think she's the one you love the most.

After all, you screamed at me for simply begging the question, "are you an item?"
You blocked me.
You yelled at me.
All over her.

I've been nothing but nice to you.
I wish you could say the same.
If you put up with me, what good is that.
If you love me, tell, me. Show me, even better.
God, you can't even send me a letter.

At first, I thought I would only lose one.
I was devastated.
How could I go on!
All alone with a dying child.
My heart so tender, so faint, so mild.

Then, it happened, so plain to see.
Another child will be leaving me.
The disease struck both.
The genetics clear.
Now I live my days worried in fear.
For there is another child, youngest who has shown little signs.
All I can do now is pray and wait on the time.

I am not immune to the pain.
I am not immune to the sorrow.
Warm tears flow down my old cheeks.
How could I watch them suffer!

I can hold them, as they cry.
Who will comfort me after?
Where is my love?

I'm so alone and they'll be gone.
For naught was my escape with them?
For naught was my raising these little ones in love?
How God, how should I suffer so?
Alone. Again. It's a place, I know.

Whenever I think about you, I start to cry;
It’s not that you were so mean, I really try,
To believe you didn’t really mean  it when you said,
Thank God, Thank God we didn’t end up in bed.

Why he keeps telling me he'll go away I don't know.
He never stays too long in one place.
He says I don't know him but I really do.
He thinks I don't know about where he's been and what he was up to.

Even if I didn't, I know his soul.
Remember me? From days of old?
No, you wouldn't would you.
The windows are stained with drug use and drunken clouds.

If you could remember me, would you then cry out loud?
Look at my eyes, your pride clouds yours, old man?
You know in your heart exactly who I am.

Yet you don't fulfil the promises you were to keep.
You don't even care.
You hurt me to the core, so very deep.
I can't pretend any more. I cannot move on.

I'd rather be alone than with your ***** soul.
You selfish hypocrite.
Your reward is your own.
Run selfish man. Keep searching.

One day you'll find what you were looking for.
And I will be long gone, far from your grasp.

The days move on as you have done.
You spoke so often of leaving, I had to have you gone.

Run little man, run away again.
It's what you know. That's a lifestyle? That's not a life.

Run little man, run to your teepee.
On the road to ruin... never again to see me.

I thought I was your friend. I was never your foe.
I loved you so dearly, you will never know.

Really your loss, you will someday discover - I was your friend truly, you'll never find another - Like me.

Day falls and with it the temperature.
You walk quietly through the night,
As you do through the world.
The cold pierces with agonizing blades of glass.
Where is shelter?

You thirst and hunger for more than knowledge.
Your body is weak.
Your mind is weaker.
Where is love?

My soul reaches out a hand to lift you up from the cold concrete.
You take my hand.
You take my shelter.
You take my love.
As best you can without clarity.

A bitten hand.
A shelter destroyed.
An already broken heart.

Every negative word they told me,
piercing at my very soul like a dagger that cuts through the heart.  muscle surrounded by the dagger  does not bleed until removed.
Once removed, that heart will bleed out and the victim, will die.

I do not bleed from the heart, only from the eyes.
A single warm tear falls upon where my heart once was.
An Ashen Gray Camaro drives away into the night.
One driver, no passenger.