So this is what jealousy feels like?
Solid in my bones
Burning in my veins
Isn't this what you wanted?
To feel new kinds of pain?

So this is what connection feels like?
Deep in my heart
Messing up my brain
But this is what I wanted.
I'll forever need the pain.

You are predictable,
and reactive.
Calm and turning,
spinning virtues
humming truths.

I am stubborn,
and quiet.
Calm and turning,
twisting morals
chasing truths.

We are dancing,
taking stock of
tense moments
we would once sneer
to every resolution
in plain sight.

We are kissing,
taking stock of
beautiful orchids
we would once sneer
knowing endings
in plain sight.

Here's the truth.
I lied.
When I said my car broke down
My vehicle was fine
However I very much was not.
I apologize
It was just easier
To say it couldn't drive
Rather than I had no drive.
Much more relatable
Everyones had to replace a part or two
I wish fixing me were so simple

does anyone else
get that pressure in your chest
it hurts to breathe
and your pulse is quick?

does anyone else
get a lump in your throat
it won't be pushed down
and your throat feels raw?

does anyone else
dream of happy days
a dog and a beach
and the smell of the ocean?

does anyone else
not want to die
but not want to lie
about the life they are living?

does anyone else
want to be someone else
want to be somewhere else
want to be something else?

you say you’re not a writer
but you write poetry all over my legs.
covered in bruises and scratches and scars;
a sign I’ve been loved by you.

my body is a novel that you’ve written.
I am proud to walk around with these words.
so carefully and meticulously crafted
by your gentle hands.

you have me marked.