It is Thanksgiving morning
I am not ready for this
I am not looking forward to the fighting
and other unnecessary *******
I am not ready for lectures
on how I am doing nothing with my life
It is a very bad idea
to have me peel potatoes when I am full of strife
Don't get me wrong I love my family
each and every one of them
I am not the only one
who has family they wish to strangle around the holidays
I will take in a deep breath
and force a smile onto my face
Life is too short for stress
especially on Thanksgiving Day


This poem is dedicated to those who always have dysfunctional holidays like the ones you see in the movies. You are not alone and you will get through this day. I promise. Happy Thanksgiving.

I stick my fork into my pumpkin pie
I have been waiting for this moment for days
With the first bite I close my eyes
as all of my worries fall away
Thanksgiving Day is in eight hours
I am already anticipating what is to come
Dad in the hospital sick
alone and away from everyone
Arguments over silly things
sadness over loved ones missed
Heartache over family refusing to stop by
due to an individual's ***** fits
What should be a time for thanks
will actually be a day for stress
I will probably be up most of the night
hoping I will be too tired so I can avoid tomorrow's events
So I sit here on the night before
with my favorite Fall desert
I chew as I try not to think about
all of the things that make my heart hurt
I shift my thoughts to the good things that have happened
as I let my mind go blank
I put down my fork
let out a sigh
and whisper to Jesus thanks

I used to have to take sleeping pills to help me fall asleep at night
Now all I have to do is lie in your arms and I get the best sleep of my life every night
I love you
Thank you for choosing to end your days with me

Why do you do this?
Why do you make me cry tears of happiness?
Why do you make the hair on the back of my neck stand up whenever you touch me?
Why do you make it impossible for me to breath whenever you look at me?
Why do you give me an adrenaline rush so high I could swim an entire ocean if I wanted to?
Why do you stay home on Friday nights reading my poems instead of going out with your friends?
Why do you insist on holding me throughout the night as I sleep?
Why are you nice to me?
Why do you care about me?
Why do you inspire me in ways I have never been inspired before?
Why are you so patient with me?
Why does everyday with you feel like Christmas morning?
Why did you see me that day?
Why did you say hello to me that day?
Why did you ask me out?
Why did I say yes?
Why did you fall in love with me?
Why did you choose me?

I know it is too early to talk about Christmas but I already have my list made and this is what I want. I know my list is not exactly rational to some but as an honest person I feel that my list should be honest so when I go to the mall with my nieces this year I will be sure to give Santa this list. Yes as an Aunt I am required to believe in Santa. Maybe I do believe in him. Maybe I never stopped believing. Anyways, here is my Christmas List for 2015:

1.) Spend Christmas in the Children's Hospital with children who can't go home for Christmas because they are too sick. It breaks my heart to think of a child alone on Christmas. I know that families can go to the hospital and spend Christmas with their loved ones but depending on the child's illness, sometimes the families can't. I have a family but I'm not married, I don't have kids of my own so I have all of this free time and love and I would rather spend time with a child who is alone on Christmas just doing whatever they wanted to do than sit at home doing my holiday traditions that I will admit I take for granted a lot. I think it's important to give back and I would love to give a child confined to a hospital the Christmas they deserve, make them smile and help them to forget their pain for a day.

2.) Go to England. I know some may think I'm crazy but I firmly believe something is waiting for me. It's like a pull whenever I see a photo of England. I just have to go there to see what it is. I will admit I'm scared to go because whatever it is waiting for me will change my life and it could be anything. A challenge, a conversation with a stranger, a love affair, an opportunity, inspiration, the list of possibilities is endless.

3.) Meet Derek Sanders from Mayday Parade in person. Hug him and thank him as well as the rest of the band for saving my life. I don't care about a picture or autograph I just feel it is my duty to let them know how many lives they change with their music. I know many fans have already told them that but I haven't, YET, and I want to very badly.

4.) Snow. I miss it. I miss it like a person misses a loved one who is dead. I miss the feel of it. I miss the smell of it. Yes snow has a smell. I miss the beauty of it and how whenever I am surrounded by it I feel like I am in heaven. I miss catching snowflakes in my hand and thinking about all of the miracles and magic we miss seeing because we are so busy rushing our lives to things we don't really want. I miss lying in the snow and feeling like nothing on this earth can hurt me. No matter what I was going through, good or bad, snow had a way of making me feel alive again. I miss that. I need to feel that way again.

So that is my Christmas List for 2015.

Let us stay here forever
Let us just just lie on this bed staring into each other's eyes
as the snow falls outside
Let us allow the snow to pile so high
we have no way of leaving this place
Let us shut the world out and create a world of our own
Let us create a world so beautiful
it would be just like heaven
It would be our secret world
our special place where we can lie here for all of eternity
No one can harm us
No one can tell us how to be
No one can tear our love apart
It will be just you and I
Our two hearts beating so rapidly
it's enough to make non believers believe in love again
Let us believe in the impossible
Let us always dream
Let us always be in love


Dedicated to My Friends Jarod Drew Vermilyea and Nikki Lul