I don't know how to make a rhyme
but if I could I'd write it...
I hope that you will take the time
to read and say you like it

I know your far away from home
and miss your house and friends
But, I'm glad you came with me
and I'll be sad when it ends

As adults we sometimes fight
and sometimes disagree
But the things that we talk about
should never come between you and me

I love you very much and yes
all your brothers and sisters too.
But if I could spend the summer with one
I'd want it to be with you

So please, Mandy
make yourself at home
Here you are loved by family
and should never feel alone.

WE love you baby!


My Uncle wrote this for me in my poetry notebook when I was asleep. He knew about my depression so he left this for me to find when I woke up. I named this poem "Grand Junction, Colorado" because that is where I was when this was written. I was there for the summer visiting family and that summer was and still is my favorite summer.

I give up on love
I give up wondering whether or not me and the guy I am with are going to last forever
I give up on the little things that make a girl smile now but eventually end up hurting her in the future
I give up on the kisses
I give up on the hugs
I give up on the happiness that comes when you fall in love
I give up on feeling what the other person is feeling
I give up anniversaries and dinners to meet parents who will always find a reason as to why you are not good enough for their son
I give up on special moments and promises
I give up getting close to somebody just so they can break me into a million pieces
I give up being emotionally lonely
I give up being ignored
I give up on everything that has to do with love
I can't keep doing this to my heart anymore

Today I feel sick
I also feel very tired
All I want to do is sleep but I can't because my stomach hurts too much
I have no energy to do anything
I do not want to talk to anybody
I just want to sleep the day away but that is turning out to be impossible
Even as I write this my head is beginning to hurt
I have these headaches so much lately that it is hard to do anything
Sometimes I feel like a zombie because I force myself to live
otherwise I would just lay in bed and waste the day away
I feel like crap all of the time
maybe I am dying from a disease and do not know it
I am too scared to go to the doctor
so I live in pain and try my best to ignore it
Ignoring it does not help it just makes the problem worse
I do not know what I am going to do
I am running out of ways to deal with this
Maybe if I just pop a bunch of pills
I will be knocked out and pain free forever

Have you ever felt like you were falling and you couldn't seem to stop?
You see the past flash before your eyes and you try to grab onto your favorite memory so you can cherish it forever but as you try to grab it the memory slips through your fingers like sand?
This fall has made you speechless.
It practically took your breath away.
You don't remember what made you fall, then again, you don't really want to know because you're afraid of what you will hear.
When I fall I can't control my landing.
It is either soft or it is painful.
Usually my fall ends with me lying in a black hole begging to be saved yet no one hears me.
I forget who I am so I let my mind slip away.
I lose track of everything until I am no longer the same.
My life is like a long fall sometimes.
Sometimes I land in death.
I can land in water and drown or land on a cliff busting my brains out.
I like the part when I die especially when I don't have to suffer.
Not only does the world make sense but that means that my fall is finally over.

Always
Making
A
Not
So
Nice
Day
Amazing

One little cut across my precious skin

I feel the blood leaking out of me as it slides down my leg
I feel everything that has been bothering me drift away
As the first drop of blood touches the floor with this high I am experiencing

I make another cut

and another

and another

and another

and another

Until I am so cut up that I am numb
I can't feel anything and this is what I want
To not feel anything
To not have to deal with this pain that makes living so unbearable

But this

This habit in which I have developed is what keeps me going
If it wasn't for this addiction
this pleasure
this outside pain
this high
this coping mechanism
I would be dead
With cutting I cut to numb the pain inside
I cut to make sure that I am still alive

I cut

because this addiction is a secret in which no one else knows about

and I like it that way.