I spend far too much time
pondering
the saddest parts of life
harboring
the smallest of worries,
finding refuge in the fear.

I desire release
To another dream

Do you ever feel like everything around you isnt where you were supposed to end up?

Like the thing you are would have been different if you were stronger
Like if the music wasn't so loud it might be easier to think about what's right
Like the shouting makes a difference in what you should do
Like knowing how everyone around you feels
Selfishly and curiously and sadly
I know

You say a million dollars
Like the lottery
Baby you are worth more
than the highest of jackpots
your arms are warm and they welcome me in
and I breathe in the priceless scent of your skin
and I say my day wasn't worth my time
because your lips couldn't seem to find mine.

But the eighty six thousand four hundred moments
are worthless seconds
not worth a day without you
so yes,
when I heard you were coming
I lit up like the sky
on the fourth of July

like my independence
has finally rung
and your hand running down my rib cage
was the signing of a declaration

and your voice was a song
rejoicing the holiday kneading words of freedom into my spine
with your fingertips
feeding me love with each sway of our hips
and I'll never let go of the feeling of your lips
on the top of my head
as you wish me off to bed

good night and sweet dreams
and I'll write again
soon
but I wish
You could stay

and we could just watch the moon

for hours and days
and watch all of the phases
and bask in the wonder
of the shadowy surface
and the lack of utter
emptiness

because your company fills me
completely
and everything
makes sense
when youre with me

like a crossword done in pen
correctly
nothing can erase
the nothings
whispered to me

the things you've made me see
the changes you've caused in me.

I used to never believe in change
but now I'm seeing things
turn strange

I'm suddenly making new wishes
At eleven past eleven
and my happiness is the one I’m working towards
because my happiness is yours

and your smile sends an arrow through my heart
Cupid did his best to aim,
while no robin hood could understand
how much an arrow through the chest
can feel like a mess

but my heart’s is your hands
youll protect it,
I know.

No, robin hood could never understand
No undead, or no ghost
Could ever feel a love
So much that it hurts

And no sweater keeps me warm
Like the ones that you’ve worn
Like the palm of your hand
On a cold rainy night

Like the pulse through your veins through my lips on your neck

It all comes down to the hope you bring

To the way you make me see
Everything will be okay.

I know you hate those words
But they fly around us all like birds
above our heads flying south,
Longing for the long days and sunrays
And leaving behind our lonely minds

And that’s when we forget
Everything will be okay.

I love to tell you that
I love the way my mouth
doesn’t catch my ******* complicated trap
When I try to get my words out.

With you, its easy
It flows right through your malleus incus and stapes
To your nerve
In your system
But my words don’t make me nervous,
They make you home.

They make you the smell of brownies after a long day of tears
A smile greeting you when you walk down carpeted stairs
And the heat of an embrace that extracts all your fears
And the one who reminds you
Everything will be okay.

comfort
is a fortunate thing.
to feel safe
and supported

i am comfortable.
i am spoiled to the point
where i feel guilty.

i hear poems about white privilege
and i know
that i have it

but what can i do?

i have a family that cares
and friends that know what its like
to be torn apart
and im torn apart
because i feel guilty
for being comfortable.

i grew up in one of the richest counties in the country

im educated by young, innovative teachers

but there are children out there
that dont even have access to a roof.

i feel guilty.

i find myself wanting to make a difference.

you showed me
what it would be like if I ended my life.

you showed me
heartbreak, when i visited that church.

you showed me
the selfishness that is suicide.

so why
is the idea
still embedded in my brain
like a tattoo ill always regret?

I feel the weight of your love
Crashing over me
And the absence of your smile
In the heaviness of my heart

There's fifty thousand people surrounding me
Yet the emptiness of my entity
Won't stop ripping me apart

There's so many rooms
In this building
In this state
And there's so many places to go
But each place I walk into
Feels wrong
Uncertain
There's no place that I want to be.

Cities faintly floating
Just above the horizon
Fading slowly
A force
Dragging you backwards
Towards the lonely sea.

The sun peering around a cloudy sky,
Your shadow momentarily floating
Among opaque, white ocean spray
Flowing continuously,
Being devoured by the ravenous wake
Into the stomach of the darkness

Watching,
     expecting a magnificent show
Of dancing dophins and whales.
For miles,
Only the ominous black
And deep, dark blue
Of ocean waves
Surrounding you
Until you're feeling nothing
                but small.
Masked by
  dancing,
       bubbling,
            curling,
White.

Churning through the waves,
The foam showering onto your lap.
Wiping the spray
From your knee,
Scintillating on your fingertips,
Finally noticing
The clarity of the dusky sea.