Reveries,
and silent dreams,
of which I wake from when I sleep.
If I dream,
if I don't just lean into thoughts
that knot up my stomach like strings,
of frail thin hair from a pale little girl
who sat on the floor.
Passively watched the world,
and it's hard to understand when you
can't feel things.
And it's hard to count stars when you're
staring at your ceiling.
It's hard to love your angel kisses when
you've never had wings.
It's hard to leave everything behind
when it's all you've ever known.
All you thought was kind.
But was harsh,
like bark of the oak
that you fell from.
The scrapes and the scar from the
branch that you broke off,
will fade.
Things change,
like the skins the snakes shed off,
I will scream out my pain,
I will change.

It seems I'm less than I thought,
A red line again,
It seems I've already forgot.
That we're all human,
Does that make me not?
A line under my school khakis,
My razors seem to be back at use.
Put in closets to dust,
In Drawers without light,
But I'll know they're there,
It's like they whisper at night.

Time will curve and convalesce into a being I know less than tears that drop and fall along the thorns of spring's new roses.
We came up from the land of sun, the diamonds in the withered rough and dying things that bluff the green grass blanketing their front lawns.
Time has lied and tied me down now I'm a sad old ****** up clown who uses jokes to hop around the reasons I'm unhappy.
And people do not understand, I dont mean all the jabs I land and how I'm trying to turn this ****** hand to something golden. And I'm a ****** up person on in the long road to enlightenment. And I'm a child deep inside but all I do is fight with it.

I have these holes
Within myself
That fill with sand
Dust on the shelf
The memories
The dying seeds
For what has happened
What that will bring
It has to shape now
Who I will be
What burns to ashes
What sets me free
What collects pale dust
On shelves to be
When today becomes a memory.

Can you feel the holes in me?
Wide as any of the seven seas
Filled with all my inner beasts
I want, but don't, to let them free.

Can you feel me? Can you see?
I'm half of what I used to be
I spend my time just wallowing
Self pity, depression swallowing
Down this dark hole, following
Just to feel my insides hollowing.

I walk by in threes
With these scars on my knees
To tie my eyes to the trees
Marking maps in my dreams

Some mothers don't have time to make dinner
Some of them just can't buy rice
Some kids eat from cans warmed on gas stoves
Some kids don't have things that are nice
To some, these thoughts aren't provoking
Always someone will live this way, right?
That isn't reason enough for ignoring
What's living right here in front of your eyes.

The shadow danced around and around,
Not leaving a spot untouched on the gray lonely ground.
It danced for night, it danced for day.
It danced from here, it danced from away.
It danced for thoughts of yesterday.
But here I am and here I lay,
My shadow dancer has gone astray.

I am unsynchronized synchronicity
The half pages in journals left blank
That's me
The image of composure while crashing down inside
The graceful dance of panic through the web I'm trapped inside
I've felt another shift lately, in the ways that I perceive
The image of the me I know is always incomplete
There's always new ways to see they say
New ways to turn our feet
We can never fully fill the holes this way
But we can still feel more complete

I'm
Knocking, knocking
Solo walking
Trying hard to find my flock
And things are different
When alone
Been spending too much
Time at home
Can you hear me outside people?
Is my voice too small and feeble?
Too quiet on your locked up doors?
Or is it that I'm not of yours?
That I won't fit
Under your steeple
And to you I'm the one
Who's bitter and evil?
I don't understand
Maybe I should go
Back to my knocking and walking alone

What if I practiced necromancy?
Talked to the dead?
Would they still try to tell me that it's all in my head?
To get me to hide it,
You don't know how I've bled.
How I've fought for my freedom,
All my thoughts stained in red.

I can't find the light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm wondering if I'm lost.
I swear I would do anything,
To find my way at any cost.

I am bathed in light
Feelings come and go in waves
As it thaws my heart

What to think when looking off into the skies. Day or night, it seems to carry you off into that mystical place that creates the constant illusion. That place where the Earth circles the Sun and the stars combust into bright bodies of gases and fumes. Gone yet we still see them nightly. I dream of coming back from the black holes lost in space and seeing a world where we did not revel in our own filth and build towers to infinity on the under-paid wages of their captors. A world where opinion and culture didn't create a veil between the inhabitors of this planet. I dream of a world where I won't be set apart by the pentacle around my neck or judged by the look of my style. Where I won't fear the birth of a child because of my own fear of the future. One step at a time we breathe toward recreation.

This monotony is killing me,
don't stumble self,
with aching feet.
You'll live this Hell
and then be free
you too must help
to keep the peace.
I close my eyes
and breathe in deep,
to dissipate the energies
that lurk inside the dark to seethe,
I know they're living here with me.
It's funny how to me they're beasts,
yet I'm the one with claws and teeth,
a flaming sword for cutting free
the things that aren't meant to be.

Snow
Has fallen
For so long
In my mind
It's been
Numbing
All the feeling
Deep inside

Afraid
To feel
What burns so
Cold
For weakness
Is a hard
Fault to
Behold

I choke
I just
Dont want
To be
Alone
Anymore
My heart is
Sore from
Running
From itself

I dont want
To live
On the shelf
So lonesome
My china
Skin will
Crack
And my paint
Will fade
In the
Snow

Ill and fleeting imperfections
Lily petaled plant dissections
Action wrought of flawed intention,
Trying to work this broken invention.
Be close to me and I'll give,
You can break me and I'll live,
You can breathe and give me more
Than a reason to be here.
As of now my heart beast solely alone,
One arm strokes my own,
And my skin shivers because
It longs to touch something real.
And feel a life sated in more
Than the endless apathy
It kindly reaches out to lay the seeds.
It needs,
But it does not know how to not flee
From the answer.
Not to flinch into the cancer.
I hope there's a lantern
To guide us to the brightness,
We will see the whiteness
Of the moon,
Maybe someday we'll finally be free.
If that happens
Will you meet me?
Apres moi le deluge
As long as I will just have you.

Time to breathe,
Time to think.
Crushing my wings
Won't set me free.
I fear I'll die,
If I don't leave.
I'll lose the things
Inside of me.

I need to remember my Gods are by my side,
I'll be a lonely bite of truth in this belly full of lies.
For this game is never won,
All our bets are not forsaken.
The endless odds will one day rise,
And we'll leave the system shaken.
Peace
Is never permanent,
Not all of us are cool with it.
We'll write our dying testaments
In suicides and percocets.
With flaming wings we say our vows
And down into the sea we drown.
They're testing us,
We **** around,
We lose ourselves with every round.
They make us sit and take their tone.
They make us thing that we're alone.
If not, we'll break their ******* bones,
They dont want our freedom because they know.
We'll show them we wont ever be owned.

A pirouette,
A leap of faith,
The leaves in May are blinding green.
I wanted you,
To break in two
To feel the spear in which I lean.
I'll push a stone
Away from home,
Someday I want to face the seas
That terrify,
Entice my eyes,
I don't want scorn when I do leave.
A tattered border
Lies between,
The lines of up and down I read.
I open books
And think about the
Blossoms on fictional trees.

I have felt
panic
in places of peace.
I can't always
know
when people see me.
For who I
am
is not what I seem.
And who I will
be
is all but a dream.
I want to know
you
all the rips in the seam.
I want to
sate
all the places you seethe.
If you'll let me
in
baby life will be cream.
We will rise to the
top
Just believe me you'll see.

I am not an estimation,
I live off of variation.
Don't put me in your connotations.
Leave me off your tongue.

I coat things in lamination,
Keep them though I cannot save them.
I eat things past expiration,
Though they make me sick.

I have blurred periphery,
The world, at once too much to see.
The Earth needs a mastectomy
To **** away the cancer.

We think we'll make a legacy,
When all we do is die and breathe.
They want nature to take a knee,
Things may get explosive.

We are the children of the ******,
The soldiers shipped away to wars,
Conglomeration CEOs,
We loathe the place from which we're born.

Laying out, fermented, bruised.
We curse the tree which let us loose.
The rotten fruits which once were new,
Have stained the kitchen table.

Parodies of ourselves
We are
Walking perfection
Aren't we?
We are
These careful little
Beings
We are
Propped up
On strings
We do all
The right things
And we
Dance like
We're supposed to

But
What if I dont want to?

My mechanical pencil lead keeps breaking, and somehow it feels like a metaphor for my life

Often there is ecstasy in pain
It lures us like we're insects to a flame.
Though thousands die
We never learn,
And for some sick reason crave the burn.
It is our nature, though we may fail,
For divine humor we prevail.
To learn from the past
Is a complex endeavor,
But to walk through fire
Is what we all do together.

I am made of fractal dust
My ashen skin will turn to rust
My insides surely will combust
We all end up in pieces
Arrange them into different shapes
To forms we shall appreciate
We are not built to really hate
But we do have the talents
Let me cry my diamond tears
As I chase away my fears
And let me analyze my years
To find out who I am now
Or where to go from now on
Which path to shine my light upon
The courage now to face the dawn
I swear I'll get there someday