the simplicity and ease
of loving you
gives me the hope and courage
that our bond is true

for unlike before
you see right through me
and you break down those walls
crack my core at sea

my heart breaks open
like a crystallized quartz
blushed in the center
bruised at the edge

delicate hands,
you push my hair aside
your eyes, copper discs searching
for meaning,
for answers.
finding solace in the places
you never sought
and finally, some great reward
beckons you forward and you grip it
i, behind you, gently taking your arm
ready for the leaps and bounds
across mountains and seas
hoping, knowing, finally,
that you are the one for me.

there was a time
when all i needed
was to see your face
and that put me to rest
but now, it's like a faded
painting of some sky,
somewhere, with streaks
of light and a sunset so pure.

i remember sitting on the bank
of that small island with you
the ocean in our palms
and the promises of a future
wrapped around our fingers
how simple life seemed
for me, i thought of building
a home with you and a life
that would bring happy
christmases and merry times
with family and friends
everything seemed so right
so perfect, fitting together
like a perfect puzzle would.

but now, after a tumultuous
break and fiery words
and angry calls and lashes of the tongue
i look back and wonder,
where did it all go?

that seemingly beautiful and
simple life has simply vanished
and in its place, as far as love is concerned,
there has been nothing but heartache
and attempts to find someone
who matches me as well as you.

but the truth behind the veil
and the question i constantly seek
is: did you really match me as well as i thought?
or was it another attempt
in another part of my life
to recreate a love i never had
never saw
never experienced
never knew

the answer lies in my heart
and it is burned into the palms
of my hands as they wrap
around my next attempt
my next love
and hopefully the last

nature answers with wind
making a hush sound through
the leaves of yellow and green
and i make this sound too

as i lean into you, exhale
and you sigh into me, inhale
divinity and cosmic creation
within one single detail

that detail being your existence
something so great but seemingly small
the world, so large and so many souls
but your heart and soul standing tall.

your eyes hold such degrees of pain
searing burns, deep cuts, wounds of old
and yet, they also comment on love
true, deep, bronze, and gold.

i wish you could see what i see
behind your smile, and dimples, so cute
i wish you could see what i see
inside of your heart, inside of you.

we all have our demons begging to return
we all have emptiness knocking on our door
we all have evil, we all are villains
and yet, we still stand at the shore

of another person's life, and love, and loss
and we allow our toes to sink in their sand
the water so deep before us, an ocean of emotion
we make a choice to go into the water or stay on the land.

my choice is to dive in, though the water is dark
i know not what is there, it's disarming
but knowing that you're with me in this
makes the journey not seem so alarming

the moments i spend with you,
i become more enraptured
the moments i learn with you,
i become more captured

you're the answer to the question
you're the fire in my heart
the coffee i need in the morning
you're part of the life i want to start

so will you join me in this crazy world
will you take my hand and run?
will you dance with me, make art with me
will you allow me to be your sun?

the choice is yours, it is not mine to make
but you, yes you --
can have this heart to break.

i want to scream at the top of the world
and proclaim to the people
that you are the one i love
but i sit at the base of the mountain
with my legs crossed over each other
breathing deeply into my lungs
patiently waiting for the trees to fall
around me and upon deafening ears.
you bring out something inside of me
that i don't believe i've ever felt before
and yet, this feeling is terrifying
for i fear its longevity and weight.
but there is a calmness in this chaos
for in the center of the storm is peace
and i find it quite nice to be sitting here
with you beside me as i calculate the stars
and how they aligned to get me here with you.
compassionate eyes rest on you and i give
my most vulnerable self to your open palms.
how much my open heart bleeds for your love
and yet, how much i want to wrap it up
and store it away for you to never see.

but you've had that key round your neck
and you unlocked me from the very start
my soul got outta the box,
the second you held my hand in the car
the second(s) you played your favorite song(s) for me
the second you opened your closets
and allowed those skeletons to scatter
the second you laid on me and fell asleep
with my hands in your hair
the second you looked at me with truth
and told me you loved me, really.
the second you held me all night long,
in a way that i've never been held before
the second you put on those cheap sunglasses
to hide your poker face
the second you let go of your fear
and let love take over
the seconds in between our silences
the seconds in between our kisses
the seconds in between our meetings
the seconds in between dumb jokes
and stupidity and reckless abandon
the seconds in between our competitive stares
the seconds in between one song and the next
the seconds of peeling back another layer
of who we truly are...

poindexter says: the greatest second of your life,
is the moment you fall in love
but i have a contrast and complex feeling about this
because we fall in love many times in our life
so rather, the greatest seconds of my life
are the ones i'm spending with you.
regardless of the fear i hold deep
there is something special about you
and something special about this --
i don't know what it is yet, but as I've learned
i don't need to know everything
and that is the greatest lesson of them all.

i'm made of iron
cast beautifully
each curve
marking the miles
i've run
each bruise
marking the fists
or cuts that mark
those words spoken
a statue, a goddess
hardened by years
of life gone awry.
but in honesty,
i live quite the
charmed life
lucky in most things
i do, with the exception
of love.
so, i wait patiently
for the moment
that my heart will
crack open to reveal
crystallized sweetness.
that will happen
the day that the
world stops turning
because of him.
for now,
i keep my walls up.

i write letters to you
in my head
of things i wished i had said
cursive font
blue ink, your favorite
penned swiftly
but also with care
how i wish you knew
what you've done
to my eternal mind
and the heart inside