days without you feel like winter
the frost from the window is crawling up my spine,
infecting my brain
i am only left to suffer the loneliness, the bleak white world
icicles dripping off my eyelashes, cold tears rolling down my face
dropping to my knees
it is so cold it is hard to breathe
sometimes, i just forget to breathe

i will never get that summer back, the summer of you
baby, my light,
the days were so long when you were here
i ran barefoot in the grass and kissed you endlessly
my body was glowing, you made me glow
sweat, smile, and love
the summer nights that you held me, i was so warm
so so warm
you are my song, my meadowlark

My heart
has cracked open
like the most
fragile of
elusive
eggs
viscous fluid
drips d
            own
upon the plate
filled with
fissures,
spidercracks that
threat to
quake into
seismic
         measures
and eventually
piece off into
oblivion
and only when
I can finally
unfold myself
from these
underwater
embryonic bends
fetal stretches
and folds
that never end
only then my arms
reach out
into the night
searching
and,
in tiniest of beams,
in one fell stroke
of midnight kismet
I find you
around me
in colored chromium
wrapping me up
headstrong,
filling my
wounded sutures
with
     liquid
gold

this is an ending

i'm dancing to my swan song
in a room of unlit candles

restless shadows dance despite the
absence of hollowed light

i am so alone yet not
abandoned

my spirit is still
but my body is crying

for my aching heart that is
tired of dying

the californian ******* will keep me up
but i can't keep up with this bluff

oh i am drunk on your spirit
spiritdrunk, spiritdrunk, spiritdrunk

I shed my skin.
Winter take my petals,
Leave me naked
With the wind.
Bare, you see me.
Love's stunted growth?
The leaves were
Only ever a facade.
Sweet Jesus,
Let the sap taste as sweet
As promises given
In early spring.
I shed my skin.
Please love me still.

stop reaching. you are pulling on a rope in a game of tug-of-war and nobody is on the other side. you are only getting burns on your hands and mud between your toes.

learn how to breathe. learn how to splash cold water on your face in the early hours of the morning, and be at peace with the fact that there is cold water running down your chest.

understand that time heals all. understand that he won't come back, no matter how hard you try. some love is not meant for the real world

I look into his sweet doe eyes and wonder how I will ever love again
I want him to let me in, let me taste him, let me touch a body that was once part of
Mine
that's what he was. All mine
He loved with no boundaries, he loved fiercely. I wonder if I will ever
learn