There could have been the world for us
There could have been endless nights
Passed out on the couch
Locked in each others arms
No reality
But our own
Happiness in the smiles we proposed

The strange thing is,
You two are a completion
Of one
Deciding on only a half
I would always be missing some


The weird thing is,
Sometimes the pair of you
Do not cross my mind for a day or two


Just suddenly do I think hey
Remember that day?


In that moment, I breathe the thoughts away
I'm just a disease
Hoping to infect a perfect combination of graffiti
Not stopping to think
Girl, you've got ***** too


Not the kind found on Christmas trees
Not the kind between your knees


Just the kind that
Make me speak up
For my own needs

I miss the fun
The excitement always stirred up
When near the perfect pair


The anxiety I felt
When caught off guard
Running with the wind
To dash off from the man
Who threatened our gear
With his bright lights
And badge of fake gold


One of you stands bold
As the other lingers
Lingers...
In the right direction

I went to sleep at eleven
Woke up at four
I thirst
I thirst for more
I drank too much
I forgot the score 

Have you won yet,
Or are we just like before ?
Have you manned up yet,
Or are you waiting for 
 A miracle to be performed?

Because you can wish
With all your might for happiness
To swim ashore
But you won't be happy none
Until you given all you've won
And evened out the score

Lay down your hand
That royal flush 
Cash in your winnings
Listen to me like you did before

I'm tired of being your little woman
Buying your trash 
Cooking the cash

Why don't you get up off the floor,
And help me some
Before I become
All that you hate
And walk right out that door

Sometimes there is you
Sometimes there is me

What have we done?
We spoke of fun

We laid our feet down, gently
We looked up at the moonbeam

We pondered
And wandered

And yet, we meet, again
Those old memories
Speaking volumes
The walls expose us

Deep inside, lay remnants
Decaying deposits of the past

These stars
They constantly stay
Never wavering

These stars
Unable to die
Like us

They have guided us back
And cast the path for us to go on

This corpse lays before me, rotting
I can feel the decay
I can smell the death
I can see old blood stains
But I still hang onto something

Some sliver of hope
That this corpse is still salvageable
That there is still a heart beating
That blood still pumps in this body
That something is still alive in there
There is nothing left

And yet, I can't fathom
That this is really it
That there is nothing left
It's all been bled
And it's all dead

My job, you see
It is pretty ******

I seek pleasure from it
I get new perceptions
From all the distraught folks
That walk through those doors

All the coworkers I share
In these few years
I've enjoyed the many different
Inflections we have all taken part in

It has a been a good few years
People never ceasing to amaze me
The compulsive liars
The drugged and diseased
It is all carried within me

My ears hear them
My eyes see who they are
Their appearance gives them away

My heart feels their pain
In this pain, I hold no sympathy

My compassion is a movie set
It is in action on the clock
Camera is off when that doors swings shut
My body on the opposing side

When my body dissipates into the darkness
I go on to live my day
Without the stress and anxiety
No one rings the bell
Taps their feet
Screams in front of me

I do not hear the phone
No more people to call
No angry glares
I'm off, and I like it that way

It's all nice,
when you two
have your legs intertwined
in the bed
on those cool nights
in the fall,
fire burning to a calm
as you both
begin to fall
too quickly for one another

The very next day,
there comes a stiff withdraw
when you gaze upon
each other
at the supermarket,
standing in the aisle
with your significant other

The look that creeps
on your face,
it is sickenly obvious
that you both
want to switch partners
and whisk away
to the airport
to fly off on holiday

The lie that you share
is screaming to be heard
by the public,
but you both can't bear
to be shamed,
by your family
for your infidelity

July 25. 2015 12:20 AM

Went to the grocery store 
Tonight
Thought of you 
Thought I might
Want to talk to you

All because I saw a man
Who had a hair cut like yours
A build like yours 

Made hot cocoa 
Tonight 

Remembered the times 
I made it for you

Mushy marshmallows
And your arms
To keep me warm

The good times
The weather 
Makes me dwell on

Typically you were a ***** 

Mostly I was angry 
Pretty lame
I'd say 

For me to think of you today. 

Sept. 18. 2011

It's in the trenches we fall
When our roads get icy

It's in the sky we look
When our world is dry

It's in the fire we look
When life is cold

It's in your eyes I look
When I want to see love

It's in your kiss
That I never want life to end

I need more depth,
I need more ******* depth
Please be deep
Like the ******* sea
Let me breathe in your ideas
Let me lick your past from your lips 

The good with the bad
I’m starting to forget what I had
Am I meant to know 
A list of all the reasons
That I love you so?


I lack that knowledge 
I am unsure of my tone


I can't get a grip
My emotions flee
Quite frankly
My glee,
Has gone missing...

I'm tortured
like a rescue animal
with no visual damage

I'm that girl looking through the curtains for a wave from a neighbor,
a sign that anyone is out there to care for her

I'm here in tears
with a heavy heart
laying under a dark mask
that I only uncover in the night

In the days,
I keep the pain concealed and put a smile where the sadness should be

I feel this weight upon me,
it's pressing so hard this week
I really can't breathe

I want nothing more than to scream out my woes for someone to hear,
but there's nothing, only air that appears

Computer screen flashing
Humming of the fan
Rapidly getting louder
Absorption of humanity
Click, type, update

No secrecy
Laid out thoughts
Public setting on
Privacy, none

Books and pages
Unheard of
No wifi
No hook up!
No way to communicate,
Terror!
Panic!
Boredom...

I hate that we are vague
I hate that I want to pour out all these words onto you

I hate that I threw away the many pages
Of words written about you

This is not written
In sadness
Or regret

Just annoyance
In letting myself try to trust

That man was just a boy
With psychotic tendencies

He would have broken my face
If I had stayed in place

He ripped those pages
To shreds almost
In his jealous rage

It was the past,
The past I tell you!

How can one be so angry over
Past memories?

Like swimming in ripped jeans
They can be disposed of
With the torn seams
No worries there

There is a sense of despair
anger, and sadness
in this constant distance that we have between us

The technology of today,
brings us closer
in a way,

Other times,
it makes the wall of distance
more solid

The lack of control
Can be...
Disheartening

Your plague in my life 
Was not a mishap

An unfortunate mistake 
I've made,
Seeing you that way
Letting you see...
All my cracks 
And decay

Speaking much too soon
About your delay

All you ever wanted
All you ever spoke of,
Was love...

My blindness to that
Caused an earthquake 
A rupture in what 
Could have 
Been a fine design 

I choose wine these days
To set off the negative rhythm 
Going on in my mind
The negative thoughts 
Of what I have missed...

The what ifs have me caught up 
Torn,
Ripped apart 
Scattered in...
What could be a representative of  fine art
To be displayed in museums today

Words were meant to be spoken
Words were meant to be written
But I ain't got an indication
Of the words you want to hear me spittin'

Words on the screen,
When they are lacking
I want to scream

Words on the screen
They are my life now
They are what bind me together

Words on the screen,
Etching forth
Consuming me

Words on the screen
They aren't much to live for
I need more

Words on the screen,
They cannot soothe me
Or keep me warm

Words on the screen
The empty screen
This time
Bring me chills

Words on the screen,
They are so much more
Than they seem

You've wrecked this,
like a finely tuned
'67 Corvette

The best thing you've had yet
You ******* *******

It will never be the same

All my respect has left,
just like the flame
that's been burning
nonstop for hours
leaving smoke in the wind

You chose to boost your ego
by showing others what's under your hood,
but I ain't bitin'

I know that **** is diseased
I know it doesn't have the power to please

It's full of lies,
and deceit

*******,
you know all that **** is fake,
you know you're a big *** mistake

You're crying now,
because you've realized
I'm not losing a ******* thing

You've lost it all,
there are no remains to be found
it's all reduced to ashes

All those dreams you had for a smooth ride
They've crashed down with this

The man at the bar
He is a young ****
He's got years on his slate
Double my own

A bottle of scotch
He swishes away
The British way

Born in London
Now a Southerner

Touring the country
With his Wife,
Elene

Not missing a thing
Quite the engineer

Laughing away
With each glass
The bartender brings

Flapping his yap
At the pretty young miss
Residing at the bar
Enjoying her dinner
No longer feeling a part
From the crowd

You are real..
You aren't imaginary
Even though I know that

I can't help, but feel
That one day
I'll wake up
Open my eyes
And see that you were all in my head

A dreamt up
Imaginary waste of time

When you are near
I feel as if I am alone
So why should I believe you are real

Your presence is less than lively
Your words ever dull
I feel no comfort from what you say
Or how you look my way

Your words are like the cafeteria lunch menu
Back in school
Very bland with nothing new to show

Your words are like a record stuck on repeat
The same old lack of enthusiasm
The same lame response
Time after time

Your words drain me
They **** my creative heart
It's as if they set fire to all the things I had hoped you'd say

Your words,
What little you say
Drive me to madness
To tears
To hopelessness

Whenever will you learn?
Expression is what I yearn for,
Passion filled words are my desire
A man unafraid to show his own heart