you will find me
if you look real hard
i may be the one just around the corner
or the shadow you see
in the plate glass window
maybe it's me
behind the recently closed door
or the one that just said goodbye
to the lady selling flowers
but don't doubt it
i am here
look hard enough
and you will find me.

i don't trust myself as your friend right now
i've grown too egocentric
     for that
my heart has become indifferent
the compassion i once felt
is nearly gone
i feel nothing when you weep
   i say nothing when you beg for help
it doesn't thrill me when you do good
   it doesn't hurt me when you are down
our past has ****** me dry
and it's become too tiresome
    for me
        continuing with you.

Like being forced under frozen water
Electric burning in the lungs
The heart beats in fire
The body shocks itself alive
As it is dying
Memories flash
In pangs of emotion
The used-to-bes and never-was
A future with burnt edges
The sensation of the last time you touched me
And the death of a part of my soul

The ethereal screen haunts me
Taunts me with its subtle illumination across a darkened room
It draws words from my fingertips
Just to whisk them away at the accidental brush of movement
The screen, now blank
Unfinished and unsaved
Laughs at me in blinking cursor
Winks at me as I move on
Lost was a masterpiece, or a long and droning soliloquy
Never to be seen
No regrets as the soft light on a gray page still giggles
Lulling me into a sense of numbing safety
Calling my emotions home to the family who never lets me down
Safe in their eyes
As they too are drawn to the subtle light
Across the darkened room

One in a Hundred


What if I am just a psychopath with a god delusion?
(Do psychopaths have a conscience?)
Because I need a secret
I can’t live without a secret
Something has to be MINE
But I can’t even be MINE
Because I am YOURS
And I just want to be me,
But I am you
And I can’t be YOU
Because you are so BIG but
That is ok because I’ll never be like you
Because I am not you
Because I am me
(Is that even supposed to be comforting?)