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louis rams Sep 2014
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It was above and beyond the call of duty
When she had to clean his *****.
He had crap from the pampers down
And not a clean spot to be found.

Then he took his hand and spread it all around
From the table to the ground.
He had spread it every where
And had done it with such care.

To him this was just a game
As he tried to write his name.
His mother was as angry as can be
But she laughed hysterically.

And as her laughter finally settled down
He looked at her with a frown.
He did not realize all that he had done
He was just having fun.

As she carried him to the shower
He decided to have his final hour.

Oops! I did it again mom!
louis rams Sep 2014
.
The years are starting to catch up to me
Graying temples is what I see.
My youthful appearance has gone astray
As I turned the other way.

What happened to my younger years
When I was bold, brave and had no fears.
Has life rewritten every line
And I’ve fallen behind the times.

In my youth I left my mark
Now to old age I will embark.
I will kick *** - like I’ve always done
As long as I can get up and face the sun
And if the day comes that the sun no longer shines
It must have climbed up my behind.

Maybe it went to join I.B.S.
And is searching to give a test.
I will let old age pass
The same as I do with my gas.

I will let it blow in the wind
So you can have a whiff my friend.

(ha-ha father time welcomes you)
louis rams Sep 2014
If you see me lying in the street, with a bottle of whiskey at my feet
And you hear me mumbling under my breathe
It is because my pants are wet.
I had a case of the runs, and you know that is no fun.
It is such a disgrace when you are covered from feet to waist.
Therefore, I will lay here on the ground until by the police I am found.
It is easier to say it happened when I was drunk
Rather than hear all their junk.
When I got home, I was surprised to see that there was a bath waiting for me.
I took off my clothes and into the garbage it went
As I sprayed it with “HEAVEN SENT “.
I climbed into the water and let out a scream – there was
Something burning in between.
My wife came running in when she heard my cry.
Then I heard her say to my surprise
OH MY GOODNESS, OH MY SOUL, I NEVER SAW A ****
WITH A RED A—HOLE.
(Ha ha – we need comedy in our lives)
louis rams Sep 2014
The missus bought a Paperback
  ...at Val Village, Saturday,
  I had a look inside her bag;
  ....T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".

  Well I just left her to it,
  And at ten I went to bed.
  An hour later she appeared;
  The sight filled me with dread…..

  In her left she held a rope;
  And in her right a whip!
  She threw them down upon the floor,
  And then began to strip.

  Well fifty years or so ago;
  I might have had a peek;
  But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
  She's eighty four next week!!

  Watching Mabel bump and grind;
  Could not have been much grimmer.
  And things then went from bad to worse;
  She toppled off her Zimmer!

  She struggled back upon her feet;
  A couple minutes later;
  She put her teeth back in and said
  .....I am the dominater !!

  Now if you knew our Mabel,
  You'd see just why I spluttered,
  I'd spent two months in traction
  For the last complaint I'd uttered.

  She stood there **** and naked
  Bent forward just a bit
  I went to hold her, sensual like
  and stood on her left ***!

  Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
  My god what had I done!?
  She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
  "Step on the other one"!!

  Well readers, I can't tell no more;
  About what occurred that day.
  Suffice to say my jet black hair,
  Turned fifty shades of Grey.
louis rams Aug 2014
It was a shoebox of poems written over the years
Of joyous moments, heart aches and tears
The fond memories of her life, of being a mother and a wife.
Poems of her child bearing years, and all the joys that she shared.
A poem of the moment that she had dread
Of the day that she wed.
With butterflies in her stomach and tears in her eyes
And being strong so she would not cry.
Poems of when her children reached school age
And each year was a different phase.
Poems of family times, vacation times
And even of the nursery rhymes.
Waiting till the time was right, and to have
Quality time with her husband at night.
Her entire life was in a shoebox of poetry
Left to read by you and me.
louis rams Aug 2014
She is as fine as vintage wine and as sweet as a Georgia peach
She was picked at the moment of perfection under the
Watchful eye and Gods direction.
Then she was sent here to earth, given to me by natural birth.

He said:  this is my gift to you –she will be with you your whole life through
She is more precious than diamonds and gold
And your love for her will never grow old and will not tarnish or fade
For her heart is like a jade, and it will show her beauty day by day.
She is my daughter and I sent her to you, because you know
Exactly what to do and you will raise her and give her the teachings
That she needs= for in you I also planted a seed.

Just like I – she is a giver of life and she will make any sacrifice
She is the water of the earth and to life she gives birth.
louis rams Aug 2014
I just posted my first lyrics on utube at the link shown below
and I need as many people as possible to check it out and let me know what you think of my country song.


http://youtu.be/G1JPoA3589Q
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