Im in this phase
Where I never feel enough,
So I parade around
Like I'm hot ****
And just maybe some one
Will walk my way,
That smile towards me
Their eyes on me
Like I'm good enough
Like I mean something.

They come in and put an end
To all my mistakes
And overlooked pages
In this book I've been
Writing all my life
But I still can't read
the words on these pages
And it all happens over and over again.

I mess up,
And I'm the only one around
Anymore to care.

I woke up to you angry
Hating everything about me.
Same as every other day
Until you really left me.

At first I felt so empty
Running on nothing but emotion
But I stood back and thought.

I'm stronger with out you.
I will be who I want
I will talk to who I want
Do what I want.

So stay gone.

Everything I do always gets ******* up.

If I yell for help,
Or beg and plead....

You break me down to my very knees.

I feel broken.

We say we're going to change
That we will get better,
But no matter how much I try
I can't get close to you.

Bitter and mean
Everything you do
Seems to go unseen
You say I'm doing it
But I'm not.

I sit in silence.

We talked
Long horrible hours took us on
And come three A.M.
We were so broken that
All we could do was lay there,
Side by side with nothing to say
Gazing at the ceiling
As if that was where
The answers were held
But they weren't.

We said we would stay together
But feelings of insecurity take hold
Drowning me in your anger
Bitter bitter emotions
And I am once again lost and searching.

I am able to sit back for once in two years.
really think about who I am,
who I want to be....
But the more that I remain in one place,
looking for something that I am;
I simply stand there,
Lost and Searching.
my thoughts are forever hurting
my head and body thrive to be
something that I cannot be
and I feel stuck.
Wall close around me
and all I see is you....
there to guide me from the fear
but I'm not sure....
so unclear.

will you hurt me again?
can you accept who I am?
can you promise you won't leave;
to be there till the end?

I'm so tired
Of not knowing
What I do
Or do not want.

I feel as if
I have missed my
Sleep for weeks
And there is
Nothing left of
My lightly blushed
Cheeks..

Wipe out
Lifeless
I lay there praying
To the god
I've never believed in
Hoping and wanting
To find my own way out

But I remain tired
And lifeless.
I feel weak
And I should not be.