It doesn't matter
If I do drugs
Or go for an hour long run
It doesn't matter if I
Become an alcoholic
Or a camp counselor
It won't matter if I fall asleep
On a sidewalk
Or in the fanciest bed
Doesn't matter
If I take the low road
Or the high road
My past still follows me,
My mistakes are ones
That I cannot escape.

I fall for alcoholics,
Drug addicts.
I fall for people
Whose parents are getting divorced
Or have to take care of children
That aren't even theirs.
I fall for people
With nicely sized noses
That have been broken a couple times.
I fall for the ones
I think I can save.

To be honest
I find him
Captivating.
I find his smile beautiful.
His shaved hair wonderful.
To be honest
I always feel like losing it
Around him
And my desperacy lashes out
And strikes him on his face.
God, I like him still.
The only cure for him is distance.

I think
I'm ******* crazy
Haven't even kissed him
For almost two years
I've feigned innocence
But god now
My best friend
Won't pick up the phone
Cause they're talking
I thought I wouldn't mind
But my chest is all tight
And my stomach is in knots
I want him all to myself
His face
And hands and everything
I want him all to myself
I have since 7th grade
God it's so true that with your
First love you fall hard

I can see him
Sitting in his ****** bed
With the frame missing
And his old dog
About to die laying down
Near the pillows.
He sits
With his struggle.
He opens his bottom drawer
And out he pulls
Two bottles of *****
A pipe
A pack of cigarettes
And old letters from his ex.
He looks at his phone,
Sees that I've messaged him.
He throws it all away.

*i promise I can save him

And they move on
Leaving you sitting there
Thinking to yourself
*what did I do wrong?

Life 1:
Me and my husband
Will have love
Sprinkled with lust
And trust
And loyalty.
He will be some type of
Hard hat worker
And I'll be the cutesy teacher.
We will have
A dog and five kids
And a big back yard
With a wooden swing set
My hubby set up.
Soft,
Sweet emotions.
The only problem is--
I'm not a soft
Or sweet girl.