You smelled
Sweet
Of outdoors and wine
Your eyes
That vibrant blue they get
When you've been drinking
A little too much
You are so skinny now
A thin yet
Curvaceous rail,
The body all girls
Wish to have.
You ask to use my bathroom
Your heels in your fingers.
God,
You're so beautiful.
So ******* beautiful.
So beautiful
I'm crying.

My head exploded
Last night.
Now it is empty.
My brain is asleep.
My heart is numb.
My morals are taking
The back seat,
And seeing what
I'll become.

If there is anybody
On this website
That wants to talk to me,
Please do.
I just need anybody.
Crying out for help.

How do I do this?
Push away everyone I love?
Prove the ones who hate me right?
How do I not
Go to pills
Or the pipe?
I would if I could,
I would if I could.
How do I not
Just leave my house
Or leave the earth.
I would if I had the courage.
If I had the guts.

But instead I force myself
Not even to cry
To just be silent
And still
As my head goes
******* insane.
I choose
What would seem impossible
To everybody else.
Control.

Funny how
Forever
And always
Was crushed
After
A year and a half.

Isn't it
Hilarious
How
"you're beautiful"
Turns into
"you're a ****"?

How silly
That
"only you"
Turns into
"all of them".

How stupid
Of me
To think
We could last
Through it all.

I leave an imprint
On the world.
Small, I know.
But those who do know
Of what imprint I leave...
Well, they
Wish they didn't.

Id rather be ignorant
Than know what happened
In that ******* tent
With that ******* girl.
I'd rather be high
Than remember kissing
Him in his beat up car
And kissing while
Sitting on his lap in Raven's couch.
I'd rather be dead
Than be without her.