I cut my psyche open
And the ink bleeds black
Days surpassed
Suppressed inside
Spill onto pages
been Waging war on myself for ages
Depressed by the weight
Of the world
On my shoulders
Just gotta keep on keepin on
dancing to my own beat
Stay on my toes, won't pull The rug from under my own two feet again
Seeking forever in pursuit searching
For a place to rest my weary head
At the end of the day
I fumble, trip, stumble
Fall on my face, humbled
Rendered incapacitated, jaded, numb
But my perspective is refreshed
So I reluctantly succumb
I've accepted the fact
I'm leaving my past where it belongs
Time to wake up, open my eyes
It took so long, but now I realize
I was living in a haze
hypnotized
Manipulated and propped up by lies
empty promises now fall on deaf ears
No mistakes here
Only lessons learned
Another page to turn
The other cheek
Countless passages and chapters
To burn
Won't be dictated, won't be defined
Can't be distracted, the day is mine
For the taking
There will be no more faking my way
Through another smile
I''ve wandered countless miles to make it where I am today
And I'll be ****** if anyone tries to stand in my way

The calm after the storm
Is an unsettling silence
The quiet that falls into the space
where apologies should be found
But instead we decide
Were both too proud
Too stuck in our ways
To say it out loud
To tell you how I need you
When my eyes meet yours for an instant
Yet I look away
Afraid of the monster im harboring
Trying to keep at bay
The disfigured soul
Behind the mask
Guarded and mutilated
trying to staple shut
Lacerations of yesteryears
That still bleed into today
To steal the feeling of sunshine on my face
Voices that tell me
Its not ok. Look in the mirror. Arent you ashamed? Ashamed of all the things you could never say
In the spaces where your fear
always got in the way of Everything
Always an excuse
Now you get to watch him
Walk away
As you count his strides
Cause you could never just confide
How much you needed his warm embrace
Now its all unfinished business
How his hand once whispered
Across your cheek
Now his footsteps echo into the empty street
Which will slip into the sands of time
Washed away like tears in the rain, dry your eyes
realize
cant relive it, cant rewind, cant take back what was uttered in the spaces where apologies should have resided.
The years go by
And you will still remember
How he didnt even check his shoulder
on the day that his footsteps just kept getting further
& there's no one you can blame
... you let him walk away.

I dont recall, the exact tones of your voice
or the way you walked, words that fell
from your crooked smile

but i remember...

running to you as a child
anticipating the warmth of
your so frequently absent embrace
in the times you would decide
i was worth a day in your life

i don't recall
your voice or your fingers
sliding down fretboards
conjuring sweet melodies
out of thin air

but i remember...

the day she told me
you were gone, forever
not her exact words, but i still know
how it felt, the first time my heart
ruptured
despite its protective
bony casing

i remember the sky
purple and bruised
threatening to overflow
i recall thinking, it must be mourning you too
only seven years old, but by then even i knew

there was no life to be found within that casket
that you'd wasted away
for one last fix, and you'd had it
which was always of paramount
importance
clearly.

i dont remember the days that followed
but i do recall
how it made me flinch
your cold dead skin against my palm
embalmed and blue
despite these things, i kissed you

goodbye
one last time

no more melodies, no more embraces
only the one sided feel of my lips
pressed against your sullen face
with no luster left in your eyes
no, now more akin with black holes
in the sky

a single rose falls from six feet above
my final offering
as dirt engulfs, snuffs out the flame
i forgive you, daddy.

Tiny sunbeams try to leak
through the cracks
Of this damaged, weathered
Emmaculately fashioned mask
The storm has passed, yet
Theres a draught in my soul
Theres nothing inside
No light will reach to shine
Where nothing can grow
where blackness resides

Our little encounter
Keeps crossing my mind
I try to push thoughts away
And I don't know why

You're under my skin now

Keep thinking about
That fire in your eyes
The sensual aggression in your arms
As they manipulated my body
From side to side

Your breath heavy and hot
In my ear
Succulent lips
Fused into mine
Wordlessly begging for more
with each kiss

And your intuitive hands
Exploring me
In all the right places
As I put my back in a slow grind
And you make those **** faces
Looking up at me

Enticing goosebumps
Escalating towards ecstasy
With each ****** and each pump

Of those hips
My legs split around them
Our bodies slick and unrelenting

Bending to your will
You make me feel like
My body is on vibrate
Any wrong you want done right

I'd invite you between the sheets with me again
Any day and or night

I have nothing left
To say
To anyone but
You

You possess the answers
To questions
That keep me tossing
And turning

Yet you push me away
With cold indifference

Seemed I wasn't worth
The time of day

Until

You spend the early hours
Of the morning
Disproving everything
Confusing me further

Is that all I am to you
Now?
some ***** secret you harbour
In your closet

A late night
Guilty pleasure?

or was that embrace for
Real?

Was it only me who felt it?

Supernovas in my head

When you bent down
Kissed me out of
My drunken state

Hardest punch I ever
Took
Completely sobering
And intoxicating
All at once

I can't shut my thoughts
Out
Can't stop attempting
To slam keys into

Submission

You make my head spin
Dizzy fast

Is there any room left
For me in your heart?
Cause I can tell you
There's none in mine

For anybody

But you

One smile
One glance
Is all it takes
For the facade

To shatter around me

You tell me I have no idea
But I don't think you
Really see

All the things you make
Me feel
Just what you've always
Meant to me

Serpentine tongue traces
The contours and curves
Of my body

Slithering
                 Writhing
                                  Shaking                  
Shivering

Proclamations of the pleasure I'm so anticipating
Frantic
Animalistic
Carnal hungers of the flesh
If sins were truly deadly
My achiles heel would be his lips

I offer this
Because theres nothing more
Just two feet a heartbeat
And a sample of my soul
I could write your name
On the receeding skyline
As dusk engulfs the sun
We could chase it forever
Fly too close and surely burn
vaporized, reduced to dust
Ashes on a pire of lost entities
forgotten as the night closes in
As if we were never here to begin with
As insignificant as faint embers
Floating into the breeze
Ascending higher
Chasing infinity
One consciousness subjectively
Reaching out to touch
Eternity.

He looks at me
Looking at him
But does he see?

The vehicle gently
Sways
Our knees
brush
With each
Turn

The desire and tension
Is burning
In me

He laughs
Smiles with the warmth
Of the sun
radiating from within

Rain drips and taps
Nagging at the window
As if to say

"Just kiss him, already"

So I reluctantly lean
Into the warmth
of your arm

And to my surprise
He tilts his head
Against my own

Succumbing to your
Bittersweet embrace

Look up to admire
The handsome contours
Of his face

I brush his cheek
With a nervous hand
Does he notice?

And then
Out of nowhere
He kisses me, slow
I close my eyes and
Savor

This moment

His soft lips part
Exposing tongue
Soon intertwined in mine
And for once in my life

A kiss felt intensely
...intimate

He grips my shoulders
With strong hands
And I am rendered speechless
As I feel him smiling
Against my mouth

And I smile, too
Between each kiss

Does he have any idea
How long I've wanted him like this?

Tender lip prints find
My neck
Rugged hands press
Into the small of my back

You are amazing

Can't get you out of my head
Just want your lips on mine again

Need you here in my bed
As I toss, turn
Relentlessly
Staring at the moon

Hoping there's a chance in hell
That I'll cross your mind too

cause I have no words
To describe
The way that you are dancing
Through mine

But alas, I'll just lay here
And fantasize about basslines

Pounding

As we dance under the stars
Connected
And you pull me into
Those arms

Hips swaying to the beat
Synchronized
And your breath sensually
Tickles the back of
My neck

Goosebumps

And you'll carry me off
where no one can see
And the kissing
And touching
Escalates with
Ferocity

Animal, you are
So willing, am i
To become hopelessly
Helpless

To those hungry
Intoxicating eyes

Such a *******
Blankly staring at old
Photographs
Days passed that I left

Behind

What did I do
To deserve this

Sleep tonight? Oh no
Tonight I dream
Dream of a face I thought
I had tucked away

Lost in a haze, suspended
In yesterday
That I thought resided
Safely
Inside myself

A sweet vivid memory
Only summoned in times
I truly doubted everything

But you

Nothing in my whole life
Has brought me so close
To shredding the time
Space continuum

No hallucinogen
No stimulant
Has sent such profoundly
Primal chills

Down my spine

One single glance from you
Is all it took
to bring back to life
A part of me i thought
No longer existed

Indeed, I never really
Doubted
That this is love

I feel

When I caught your gaze
Captivated in my own
In that moment
You were truly mine

And I felt something I hadn't
In such a long time

that I belonged

And was exactly where
I was suppose to be

Only you, my dear
Inspire such a feeling

In me

New days can't supress the years
lessons learned
Another page to
Turn

The other cheek
Chapters & passages
To burn

Throwing it all away
In pursuit of
Better days

But living with the daunting risk
Of reliving the pain

Sometimes old scars
Can bleed
exposing the Psyche
Dissecting the past

Despite what I thought
Was finally behind me

Thoughts become unhinged
Its all downhill from here
May as well turn up the stereo
And crack another beer

Cause life's a constant *****
Some will slip, and some
Will choke
Its up to you
To persevere

grin and bare
Through adverse years

The past is gone
The time is now
To pick up the pieces
And allow yourself
To forgive
yourself

tilt my head back
inhale deep
I look up
at the stars
its humbling really,
just how insignificant
all our petty problems truly are
in this vast universe
exhale

I want to walk

                           on your wavelength

                                                         submerge my mind
into the low frequency

                                                   Feel our bodies vibrate
to the rhythm

                                      Of the bassline

People come and people go
Feelings change, but don't we all know
This too well already

A sad fact of life, addictions gripping like an iron vice, stealing the very life force from veins,
Change faces, inflict pain

Steal away those we once thought we knew
Convince them to do things they never knew they could do

Narcotic charms, sickly poison in his arms
Contorting, twisting, distorting, the heart

Withering away, taking all that it can, waging war on yourself for one last fix....once is too much, but too much iis never gonna be enough

Until the day comes
Drifting...somewhere below consciousness, somewhere above reality
A pleasure so profound
Yet when outside looking in, your simply on the nod

Outside of yourself, shedding mortal coil, for heights unknown, untouched. A shell remains...

You are so far away from me now, in your eyes, its hard to find you...

the one I thought I knew
A smile that was capable of warming me to the core
Now only conjured when the the pin goes *****

Another sickly blemish on your skin

On my famished heart

You'll waste away
And when people ask
I'll smile and say

That I'm okay

Phantom like arachnid crawl
Ghostly apparition
Descends bedroom wall
Silence
The silence is deafening
As she hangs
Practically materialized
He tries to run
But cannot hide
Cannot move
Paralyzed
Yet his eyes stay wide
Anticipation
Morbid fascination
Voulnerable prey
Trapped in a sickly
Sticky straightjacket
Its color akin
with spun Moonlight
Maddenig
He struggles and squirms
But not for long
Incapacitated by the silence
Succumb to her sting
Gifted the kiss of death
As wind agitates tree leaves
Blackness envelopes consciousness
Mind folds down
Around exhaustion
Eyelids weary, head too heavy
Weathered hands grasp
But his last breath escapes
tired lungs
Tangles into the breeze
Ascends higher, without hesitation
To agitate trees leaves

Euphoria descends
when bass waves pound
feel myself ascending higher
despite two feet on the ground

eclectic, we are connected
children of the night
swaying in a lovely
conglomerating haze
obliterating the dust collected
from everyday life

i feel it with every fibre
every molecule, electrified
its like i've died and woken
found myself inside

heaven on earth?

sensory overload
no shortage of feel good vibes
lazers flash, colors strobe
front, left, center, right I see
smiling faces, warm embraces
never want to come down

my heart is in the movement
the music embedded in my soul
undeniable
i've found
paradise
and i still bask
in it's afterglow

Serene
aqua marine pools
Undress my psyche
Shedding the skin
I let most people see
your breath hot & sensual
tickles the nape of my neck
Your intuitive hands explore my whole body
With delicious detail
The expressions on your face savoring moments in the dark
Each pause, shudder, sigh
Captivated in your eyes
It's never been like this
For me before
You make love to my body, my mind, and soul
Not the typical mechanics
Transcendent,  almost spiritual
Soul Seduction  
Truly bearing it all
So why am I afraid
To tell you
So terrified to fall ?

sky soaked curls
peek out from his green hood
wildcat eyes, animated
occupied
electrified me
tall and lean
i saw him for the first time
the sky smelled of ozone
there he was
dancing in the rain, stomping to the beat
cold, wet bedrock beneath his feet
while so many others wait
for its passing
but he was
embracing the storm
harnessing its energy as he
walked in my direction
walked into my life
without even batting an eye
extended your hand
we exchanged our names
i wasn't under the impression things
would never be the same

Sunday
Reflect
Regenerate rest
The day of provoking demons
Of yesteryears
Not quite tucked away
Sunday to reflect on a life
Not quite clean
A day for reality checks
Realizing the mundane
Existance
The psychotic cycle
Rinse and repeat

The silence is deafening
Almost materialized
As he finalizes
One last good bye
How many more years will lapse? surpass so fast
At the speed of sound
With so much left unsaid
So much to regret
So much to over analyze
Time and time again.
The way your eyes meet mine
From across the room
Inevitable, yet that smile
Still renders me hopeless
Completely paralyzed
How words descend effortlessly from your lips
Yet speech escapes me
For how could words ever do justice to a smile
That zapps every cell
ignited
Electrified

Years blurred, surpassed
Suppressed
Beneath me now
What an incredible mess
This day to day has become

I'll work, rest, witness your soul drifting
Rinse and repeat, sanity sifting
This cycle is psychotic
Burden on my Psyche

My brain's become estranged
Twisted
Deranged

Hold my head in my hands
Silent tears down my cheek
& you still don't see
What you're doing to me
What I do to myself

Another needle in your arm
Another secret I will harbour
Another burden I'm currently
Incapable of suppressing

Sweet underlying tones
In that decietfully soft voice
What's really left to say
When you leave me with
No choice?

So hopelessly helpless
Its near impossible to comprehend
Words butchered by slurrs
You can lie but can't pretend

I see right through
But ignorance is truly bliss
When you hold me in your arms
Gift me another heart wrenching kiss

You are wasting away
This life (lie) is so exhausting

I can only bend so far
Until I break completely
So what else is left to say
Someday these years  will be beneath me