Twelve years of difference
I still can't stay away
I've been swept up in your voice
And pulled into your games

The thought of loving you petrifies me
But the thought of forgetting you stabs  
It seems I'm stuck; not a soul at my side
Doomed to wander, heartbroken, through the lands

Here I stand in the darkness
As my heart swells at the mention of your name
Our story is as great as Daniel and Lucinda
Yet, I bet we could put them to shame

So, as the days are rolling by so slowly
And I just wish to call you mine
I'll sing the song of a hopeless romantic
Trapped in the wrong time

January 8th of 1998 is the day your game began
Already holding up an enraged mother in a fatherless home with your small, infant hands
As the years go by, it all gets better, you can see the light of day
But just hold on, my dearest friend, your teenage years are on their way

November 23rd of 2011 is when the tables are turned
You befriend the sad, lonely girl and shed light on her tattered world
Up and down this round goes and you hold each other for dear life
It may seem endless, but I promise you, things will turn out right

April 19th of 2015 you are reaching the last of your bluffs
No matter how many times you go over it, the terrain always remains rough
This hand you were dealt is a nasty one, with tears and screams and fights
Just hold on, I've been there and survived it, and I will serve as your guiding light

Love is such an over-rated, over-used word.
But, somehow, I'm in love with you.
With your eyes so seafoam green and your hair so sandy brown.
Your lips so plump and pink; your concentrated frown.
How you love my fingers through your hair and my nails down your back.
It's okay, I love it too, and I'll never take it back.
I love the way you tower over me and carry me when I'm in pain.
Text me good morning, text me good night, and never take me in vain.
How your smile is my smile and your tears fall with mine.
It's just too bad that loving you has turned out to be a crime.
A crime of passion, a crime of lust.
All coated over with a layer of rust.
Because no relationship ever works in me.
So I guess I can only love you casually.

Society tells me my size 22 hips
Are disgusting
That the hole in my lip
Is atrocious
My pointed nails, my blue hair, my black clothes
Are products of the devil
I am given freedom of religion yet, I am condemned because my Goddess is not
your God
I am poked and prodded at because my sexuality goes beyond laying with a man
In my state, I cannot marry a women because society is so entrapped in their perfect religion
How is this a fair world if I cannot be me?
As a woman, I am expected to keep my opinion to myself, bear children, and serve a husband
Yet, I am independent and creative
I thrive to make my own path
To be successful in myself and those closest to me  
To be unique and to question everything I will not conform to a society in which I cannot think for myself

I believe in what cannot be seen
Therefore, I am crazy
I work better alone; think better on my own
I keep my words in my brain because they aren't the same as everyone's
So, I am depressed
My body composition is curvaceous and *****
So I starve myself to get the body society has entitled as perfection
But, what of my body?
Do I live how I see fit?
Hiding from mirrors and cameras, covered up by the baggy clothes boys wear on a day to day basis
Or do I entomb myself in a decaying corpse to live a short life of perfection
No.
I will walk with my head held high and my skirt blowing in the wind
Because I will not conform to society's definition of perfection

I crave affection in the physical form
Therefore, I am a ****
But you don't know my back story
You do not know how my entire life I was deprived of the emotions I so desperately craved
I don't know how to feel when a feeling is all that is offered to me
So, I remain alone
Because I am not beauty in society's eye
Therefore, I am not your first choice
Even though everyone says 'do not judge a book by it's cover'
I am cast away before you get to know me
Before you know my talents, my hobbies, my aspirations in life, my goals, my struggles, the reasons behind my words
Because society has been taught to love with the eyes and not the heart
What about the pigmentation of my skin complexion?
Society automatically disregards me as a troubled teen
That I will just become another statistic of the African-American populace
But I say I won't
Because my ancestors fought and died for their freedom, therefore I should fight for my say in my life
I will not be fat-shamed
I will not be ****-shamed
I will not be black-shamed
Because I cannot and will not conform to a society in which I cannot be me

Life was easy before I met you
Before I could recall all your perfect imperfections with ease
Your messy hair
Your lanky arms
The depth of your eyes when you try to hide your sadness
Even as I write this, I see them in my mind
And my heart swells with pride

Love wasn't in my vocabulary before I fell in love with you
I never knew the sensation of a quickening heart when you are near me
I didn't realize I could babble so fast and incoherently until you said you loved me
How beautiful a smile can be when it's for you
How bright a soul can burn at the sound of you name
Since then, I know I'll never be the same

My heart never beat so fast until you broke it
My eyes never cried so many tears until you punched a hole in my chest
I never knew pain at a ten until that ungodly night
Yet, five years since the day we met, we still stand side by side
After the fights and the words and the rivers we've cried
We can still share 'I love you'
We can still dance through the night
Laugh and hold each other tight

I have never felt such deep emotions until I met you
And, as our lives progress, our love will stay true
So, my dear, I finally see
Exactly what you've done to me

A part of me loves you.
Loves to hold your hand and laugh at your jokes,
To hug you tight and never want to let go.
I miss you when you're gone
And hate when you leave,
A part that cries when you're sick
And is happy that you still breathe.
I want to say you know me,
My hobbies and my dreams.
I want to say I have a dad that truly loves me.

Then, there's a part of me that hates you.
Hates that you broke my heart and left me behind,
Never wiped my tears when I started to cry.
I pray that you forget me
And never want to come back,
A part that knows you've chosen your liquor over me
And hopes you have a heart attack.
I want to forget your face,
Your name, your number, and your life.
I want to forget I have a dad that has caused me so much strife.

These parts coexist inside me.
A never-ending battle inside my heart.
Hate can win or love can lose,
It depends on how my day starts.
So, patiently I'll wait for that inevitable call
That day your heart ceases to beat,
Until then there will always be
Two halves of a whole that make up me.

Cheers to the girl with a mind bigger on the inside than it is on the outside
Tears to the mad woman who can never keep up with the up side and the down side
Yes to the silly girl, the happy girl, the fun girl searching for adventures
No to the mature girl, the scary girl, the dark girl making choices and suffering consequences
Fun for the mad woman that sees world after world
Done is the good girl that has gone to war
This girl and this mad woman, living side by side
One in the dark and one in the light
But under the skin, in their two hearts, where the truth really hides
You'll find nothing but fear, guilt, rejection, and lies

The light of the sky darkens
And clouds roll in thick
Lightening flashes in my eyes
Thunder cracks like a snapped twig
All the happiness is drained away
As the clouds swell in pride
I lay on the ground, cold and drained
I've lost all my fight
Suddenly the ground quivers
All the structures shake
Raindrops gush from the near-black sky
And I'm slowly washed away