"Mum I've got a tummy ache
I think i'm not too well"
"Yes .. you do look a little peeky,
Oh dear.. what is that smell?"

"Did you eat something you should't?
did you eat something you should?
did you eat something really bad?
or eat something much too good?"

"Well I only had some prunes you see"
"How many?" .. *"twenty four..."
"good heavens take the toilet roll
and make sure you shut the door."

"Battle stations everyone,
someone hold the dog,
we might have to evacuate,
someone write the captains log!!"

"Stardate.. sometime this afternoon
someone ate too many prunes
seal them in the bathroom
and lock up all the rooms!"

It's going to be touch and go,
just stand in the door frame,
I've just bleached the ****** bathroom,
it'll never be clean again...

There was a daisy on the bus
just by the drivers door,
just laying there quite prettily
on it's own, just on the floor.

I thought about the fragility
of life and of things that grow,
and then I got to thinking
were did the daisy want to go?

Was it riding into town?
was it going to see it's friends?
or to meet it's long lost cousin
in the hopes to make amends?

Where did it keep it's money?
with it's pockets oh so small,
and did it have a ticket?
or did it pay at all?

And just how would it know
which stop to get off at?
it couldn't see out the windows
just on the floor it sat.

But as the bus pulled over
to stop again once more,
a gust of wind just caught it
and blew it out the door.

But thankfully for me
this was just my stop,
so both me and the daisy
off the bus we hopped.

Now the place my bus pulls over
is right by a meadow green,
full of dandelions and blue bells
the best you've ever seen.

So I look down at the daisy
and go to pick it up,
but the wind takes it far away
into the field of buttercups.

And now I just can't see it
so this is where our journey ends,
good bye my little daisy
in your field of little friends.

she paints the sky blue
with a field of meadow flowers
smiling daisies grace the canvas
looking to see heaven.

the sky comes to life
a creation from mortal hands
painted with the warmest yellow
and the saddest blue.

clouds of linen white
moving silently
over the painted sky
as colours of blue and green
fill the fields.

the scent of blooms
fill the room
the buzzing of bees
the warmth of the sun
as colours comes to life
in the eye of her imagination.

the breeze
a movement of the brush
filling the page with colour
and the room with summer.

life and love
poured endlessly onto canvas
tapped into the fountain
of her emotion
filling her eyes
with water colour tears.

painted in hues
of the deepest green
capturing and releasing
the picture that lies
within her heart.

a field of hopes and dreams
appear as magic in the room
as daisies smile up at the sunshine
and she paints the sky blue

Where are you?
I am here my love
and I'm not leaving
it's so quiet
I can't hear you
I wont leave you to the silence
I won't leave you
I am here
where am I?
You are here with me
let me take you home
I won't leave you to fight this battle alone
I will fight with you
I have to go
No.. don't go into the silence with out me
Take me with you
Don't go in to the silence alone
I will bring you home
Don't leave me..
My love
I'm not leaving you
for the demons to feast
Where am I ?
Can you hear me?
I am here
I am here
I am strong enough for us both
I will carry you
just let me take your hand
and I will take you home
I'm frightened
my sweet child
my broken child
lost in the wilderness
I will find you
I am here
I can't seem to find
my way home
just open your eyes my love
look and see
I will save you
I promise
But how can you save me?
Because that's all I know how to do
I will bare the silence
and the raging noise
I will take your place
I will take your place
Please find me
*.. I am lost
I know you are lost
but I will find you
Please
my child
my love
please take my hand
let me take you home

I am in love with you
I hope you don't mind..

but only you okay?
just you

because
I don't want to love anyone else
not like I love you

I mean..
like everyone else

But I only want to be in love
with you.

When I was young I believed that fairy tales were real.
The fairy stories my Dad told me were the truth,
and I believed.
I believed that fairies,
elves and pixies were all real.
My Dad never lied to me so,
why would I not believe him.?
He was a good man
and he loved me with all his heart.
When I grew up I stopped believing such things.
And then I met a Monster
First he was Prince Charming and then..
he became a Monster.
I still believe to this day
he was a Monster all along,
under his mask.
All it did was slip,
and I saw him for what he was.
I now believe in Monsters too.
But I have met other Monsters so,
I know he is not the only one.
I have met Dragons.
Big ones..
They are fierce and usually drunk.
And breathe fire.
These are frightening and damage you.
I have also met Vampires
They are the ones who **** the life from you,
they take and take until you are spent.
And they really don't sparkle..
I have met Trolls.
They are the ones that take your happiness
and make you sad.
They think they are gardeners
sewing their seeds of doubt,
but they are not.
They are sewers of sadness.
And they can only grow weeds.
And I have met Angels.
They have the kindest hearts.
They make you feel safe,
giving back all the happiness
that the Trolls take.
They are the good guys.
But they sneeze a lot.
I think it's the feathers...
And I have met Elves and Pixies too.
They are beautiful and kind and wise.
Their hearts over flow with love
and you can't help but love them right back.
And I have met Princes
in the form of Eagles, Crows and Owls.
They are majestic and glorious.
They fight for those who cannot fight.
They are bringers of wisdom
and can see far into the future.
They are the cavalry and come
when you think all hope is lost.
I have met Ghosts too.
Those are the saddest ones I have met.
They were once real but now they are not.
They are right there before you
but now they are not.
You just have to look
and you will see them.
They need our love
more than anything in the world.
I have seen these all with my own eyes.
Every single one.
My Dad was a good man and he didn't lie..
he was warning me.
So, it begs the question.
If I have met Monsters, Ghosts..
and all the others I have told you about..
What else is out there?
And what does that make me?

There is nothing worse
than not enough syllables
to finish the hai..

it's 12 degrees and sunny
and all the rainbows are asleep
in their slumber all is quiet
and in my heart their love I keep

it's 12 degrees and sunny
though the clouds may threaten rain
still the garden grows quite glorious
they love me not and back again

it's 12 degrees and sunny
with eyes of winter blue
the seasons often changing
as they are inclined to do

it's twelve degrees and sunny
smiling eyes of earthy brown
give pleasure to the gardener
from sun up to sun down

it's twelve degrees and sunny
they make everyday like spring
their love will put the stars to shame
with the rainbow skies they bring

Kisses full and soft
as my wanton mouth
indulges
in every inch of you

I taste your pleasure
as silken ambrosia
upon my lips
my tongue

your pleasure is my want
your taste is my prize
your mind I worship
as your body
I eagerly devour

and in my complete submission
to your every desire
and every pleasure

I am yours

My reactions they are real
every word I say is true
out my mouth comes trouble
there's no time to think it through

so if I tell you you are perfect
I really think it's true
and if I tell you that I love you
I'll believe I really do

if I'm happy I clap my hands
like a mad demented seal
but at least you'll know I'm happy
I can't help but keep it real

my mind works overtime
but my mouth's one step ahead
some of the **** I come out with
wishing I'd stayed silent instead

but my reactions are all real
and i'm holding nothing in
if you to me are perfect
I will tell you everything

I will tell you you are magic
I will tell you are smart
I will tell you your a genius
and your poetry's an art

I will squeal when you say nice things
I will cry when I am sad
I will call you a **** weasel
when you have made me mad

I don't pretend to be amazing
I won't act like someone else
because the truth is very clear
it's hard enough to be myself.

So.. I went on a date, at least I think it was a date..
Okay.. I'm going to call it a date because,
if it wasn't..
I'm not entirely sure what it was.

Okay so.. the story goes like this...

It was July last year,
I was walking home from work and I passed
an elderly neighbours house.
If he is ever in his garden we say hello,
but never much more than that.

This time he was talking to a man
who was also in his garden,
turns out he was a family friend
and was visiting for the day.
He also lives nearby.

As I walked by,
the neighbour said 'Hello' and so did I..
The friend said hello too
and watched me walk past and down the road to my street,
where upon I looked back to see if any cars were coming
so I could cross the road,
only to see this friend watching me..

So..
two days later,
again I was walking home
and a car pulls up beside me..
people are always asking for directions so,
I thought this person might need directions..
But It was the friend of my neighbour..
His name is Skeletor.
(just humour me okay...)

He asked me if I was going to talk to him,
if I would like to go out for a drink,
if I would want to get to know him..

I totally was unprepared for this
and so I said
'I don't know and I don't know and...
yeah..
I don't know' ...

I then said I had to go
because I needed to go
and so I said
'i'm sorry but I have to go"
and I went...
I am not very good at the talking to strangers thing..

So..
two days later,
I was walking to the bus stop,
a car pulls up and ...
you guessed it...
It was Skeletor.

He asked if I wanted a lift to work and we could talk..
you know,
get to know each other.
I declined as politely as I could
and I said that,
I didn't know him
and I would get the bus to work because
'oh look...there's a bus right now...
thank you,
you are welcome and goodbye'

So..
two days later I was walking home
and driving up my street was Skeletor...
He pulls over and winds down his window
and said "Hey.. how are you..?"
and so we talk for a little while
and he tells me that he would like to take me out..
and can he have my number..

So..
I give him my number
and he calls it and I then have his..
he said he would like to call me
and would I like to go out for a drink.

So to cut a very loooong story short...

Two days later he texts me
and asks if I would like to meet him..

Firstly.. no...

But then...
he is someones family friend that I almost know,
I know his name and have his number...
I also have his car registration number...
and I told all my kids exactly what was happening.

And how will I ever meet anyone
if I don't actually...
meet anyone.?

So I said yes.
He seemed nice and,
even if a little persistent,
he seemed okay.
So I said yes..

He said he would text me and he did,
we arranged to meet 8pm on Saturday,
it was 25th of July..
two days before my birthday.

Saturday came..
it was 7.55pm and I was completely nervous
and just knew I would fuckit all up somehow.

8.05 and nothing...
8.11 and I let down my hair and hung up my bag.
8.19 and I'm making coffee,
hoping for a quiet night in.
and then he texts me..

'Hi it's Skeletor,
do you still want to go out...?
I can pick you up in 5 minutes...'

So I take off my slippers,
clean my teeth for the eighth time
and wait at the top of my road.
He pulls up and I get in his van..

I told my kids who I was with,
his number, his name, the car reg...
everything..
and they were to text me at 10pm
to ask if I needed to come home..
they would call me if I said yes or didn't answer.

We drove to a pub but,
on the way we talked about how neither of us really drank very much and so I said,
could we go and feed the ducks and have a milkshake..?
You know..
just something simple and fun..

He said 'yeah sure'
and that's what we did...
well kind of...

So we get milkshakes and go to the lakes..

I text my kids where we would be
while he got the milkshakes..

We pull up but we don't get out of the van..
he just wants to talk..
So I ask what he does at work
and he said he works in London,
so I ask what he does at work
and he said he works in a big complex...
and so I ask how he knows my neighbour
and he said he has known them for years
and so I ask how he knows my neighbour
and he said he is a family friend...

ugh... it was such hard work...

I ask him what his surname is because Skeletor is pretty unusual
and he said yeah it is,
so I ask him what his surname is
and he said it is Eternian
He said it was ncerfveon;wc...
I said pardon
and he said ovncervhbo3chhf...

So I said "oh..."

So he said he was kind of tired and he yawns,
puts his arms behind his head and stretches..
he said that he had had a busy day at work
and he wanted to sit in silence for a while
and just listen to the sound of the ...
outside...

So...
this is what my mind was doing...

'Okay... I think he wants me to shut up.. but he wanted to talk.. and his eyes are closed...okay don't look at him because that's creepy, okay this is weird, I thought we were going to feed the ducks or something.. oh look.. ducks... two fat ducks... well this is fun.. I've got to the bottom of the milkshake and I can't **** the last bit because it so quiet in this van and... I think he's asleep... **** what if he goes to sleep..? how will I get home? no.. he's not asleep he flexing his muscles.. what? ummm what is he doing? why is he flexing his muscles with his eyes closed..? I want to drink this last bit of milkshake.. I'm trying to be quiet.. he said to be quiet.. and oh look GEESE!!!  ****... I think he's asleep... this is weird... he is definitely flexing his arm muscles and okay don't look because it's creepy and he would think you are weird...I think It's getting dark... I am being so quiet... what if he's dead..? **** what if he dies...? please don't be dead... nope not dead.. he's flexing again... okay this is *******... oh look.. geese"

And he kind of wakes up a bit and looks at me,
smiles and says
'Did you know you are beautiful ?'
and he touches my face...
and I said 'well ummm thank you'
and he said
"You have lovely eyes,
they are so pretty
and your lips are so kissable...
I can't think why you are still single..
I could look at your lips forever,
you know...
your lips would look lovely..."

And my phone rings...

And I am just so relieved...
and so,
to celebrate,
I loudly drink the last bit of my milkshake...

And so I say I have to go home..
it's late and my kids need me to head home now..
And so he drives me home
and sings all the way home in the car to me...
and I am so glad we are heading back
and I just want to go home.

And he pulls up at my house
and I say
'Thank you for a lovely evening,
and thank you for the milkshake,
it was very kind of you to take me to almost feed the ducks.."
and he leans in to kiss me.

I open the door and shakeing his hand I say
"Thank you Skeletor" once more.
I jump out of the van,
close the door and go very quickly home...

Where upon,
for the next half an hour,
I lay on the floor in the kitchen,
relaying the whole sorry tale
to children who think this is both hilarious
and very dangerous.
They happily tell me
"And this is exactly why you are single"..

They make me coffee
and tell me I am very special
and need a very special kind of person
to put up with me...

Especially one who actually feeds the ducks
when they say they will feed the ducks...



I will say though..
I kept the paper straw cover like a little keepsake
of my first 'date'
in about 46 thousand years :)

They say you should write about what you know.
And I have... mostly.
but..
I don't want to write about love..
because i'm not in it.
And I don't want to write about hate..
that hurts my heart and feels wrong for me.
And I don't want to write about marriage because,
quite frankly, I am so done with that subject.
And religion? honestly..?
hahaha!
I kid you not..
you would not believe who I was
for the last 25 years.
I won't write about politics because in truth..
it confuses me..
I have a simple mind that only wishes
every one would just get a long.

I could write of peace..
anxiety..
dreams..
hobbits..
work..
cats...?

Oh! Oh! I know...
I could write about all the *** i'm
not... having....
yeah I thought not.

And so,
I am all out of things to write about.
My cup is well and truly empty right now...

and needs filling with some coffee.

So...
I think I need to go on an adventure...
:o)

As he enters the room, the dimming light shadows the form which lays on the bed. Soft murmurings are heard, she is in an uneasy sleep.
Her form so fragile, so delicate, lays curled and hugging herself.
He can't believe his eyes.. She is home.

His heart pounds in his chest but this time, not from the adrenaline or fear, this time it is relief and love.

"Dog.. he whispers, not wanting to wake her, Dog go now.. good boy"  Dog looks up at his Master and then obediently leaves the room..
he knows now everything is okay.

Lowering his gun, his hands shake as he replaces the safety catch and stands the still loaded gun in the corner of the room.
Taking a moment to compose himself,
to tame his raging heart
he closes his eyes and holds back the tears
which threaten to fall.

He takes the oil lamp from it's place and, lighting it with a match,
he watches carefully as to not wake her.
He lights the lamp and dims the flame.
It casts a warm glow about the room
and the shadows disappear.
Taking a few steps towards her he notices how drawn she is,
how tired she seems.
Dark circles around her eyes where she
has not slept soundly in so long.

Pity fills his heart, pity and a desperate ache for his lost love.
Moving slowly, thanking his lucky stars he has only socked feet,
he quietly approaches the bedside.
He places the lamp on the dresser and turns to see her,
sleeping in a ragged dress, her feet ***** and sore.

"My God.. where have you been my Darling?"
he whispers and a sob breaks from his chest.
His hand clamps over his mouth but the sound stirs her and she mumbles words he cannot clearly make out.

She is so small in this large bed, so broken..
nothing like the beautiful being that she was a few months ago.
She has been missing for weeks.. months.
And now,
now she lays in their bed..
And she is alive when he thought her dead.

Her words become clearer as she gains consciousness,
although still asleep she is waking slowly.
"My Love.. she softly utters .. My Love, please... home"
And the words bring him to his knees.

Desperate to touch her,
to feel her in his arms once more,
tears stain his cheeks and his vision of her,
of his world.
Everything blurs as the tears flow.
Taking her hand in his he kisses her fingers,
praying this is all not just a dream.
Kissing her gently, each and every finger,
pouring all his love upon each finger tip.

Her hand, her fingers move and gently hold his.
And he looks to her face, sensing she is waking
and he sees her eyes are open,
looking at him in the warm glow of the bedroom.
A frown mars her beautiful face,
she takes a moment to believe what she truly sees.

Her voice is unsteady
"Am I home? Is it really you? Are you there my Love? "
"Darling yes, his smile radiant and, with tears in his eyes,
he kisses the palm of her hand..
yes my Darling you are home.. you have come home to me"

She, for the first time in months,
feels safe. Feels overwhelmed with feelings of joy..
and still cannot believe
she sees her handsome beautiful husband before her.

Smiling she cries,
"Oh My Love... I am sorry, my love please forgive me"
She sobs..
her tears now turn to sorrow
as she holds out her hands to him,
begging forgiveness.

He climbs eagerly onto the bed,
kneeling in front of her.
His arms take her and hold her tight,
holding and placing her upon his lap.
She has become weak and is so fragile.
He lifts her easily, taking her trembling body
and surrounding it with his own.
Warming her skin with his own.
Kissing her hair, uttering words of love into her ears,
filling her soul with warmth and kindness.
Rocking her,
calming her disquieting thoughts,
wiping away her tears with his fingers
as his own tears still fall into her hair.

And he kisses her hands,
her fingers,
her lips.
"My Darling... where did you go?..where did you go?"
Holding her tight,
never wanting her to leave his sight,
not while he still has breath in his lungs.
  
His hands feel her as she hugs into his chest,
she holds him,
so strong and warm,
her anchor, her Love.

And his hands settle about her waist,
softly stroking her body,
noticing how thin she has become,
her curves have all but disappeared..
except for one..

A soft swelling in her stomach.
A noticeable and very soft ..
bump.

He places his hand over the bump,
covering it entirely with his large hand.
Feeling it's roundness,
feeling over the soft curve of her skin.

"My Darling? are you... are you with child? my child?"
his words are in disbelief.. in awe..
slowly turning to elation as he feels her nod against his chest..

"My Love yes... You are going to be a father.."
she tentatively gives him a watery smile..
so unsure of his reaction to the news and this...
this being the reason that she fled..

"Dear God..." He is stunned and light headed...
and sees stars..

In just one fleeting moment he sees in his minds eye
a small child playing,
a baby sleeping,
a child running with Dog and playing in their garden,
he sweeps up the child,
hugging and kissing their rosy cheeks,
hugging his Love close as they wander back to their home..

Dog trotting along happily at their heels...

And the moment fills his heart so full that he cries as it overflows.

"My Darling... My Love... you.. we.. are going have a family?
Oh.. my Darling I want this.. I want us .. and know that,
anything you give me is a blessing,
never think...
don't ever think I would not want this My Darling...
a family..
Darling I thought you dead,
and instead,
you bring home to me a new life.
Our child"

She holds him tight and gives him all of her love
and will never let him go,
sobbing her elation into his chest
as he holds her for all of his life.

And their child quietly grows,
feeling already such love.

I had to write it
right then
nothing would stop the flow
out of my mouth
whirlpools of imagination
my vision drenched with words
running over and over the brim
it was pouring out
spilling onto the floor
puddles at my feet
find me a pen
I need a pen
write it write it out
on the back of napkins
scraps of paper
margins
envelopes
skin
write it while the river flows
while the deluge pours
while the words still make scense
find me a pen
I need to write
I will never remember it the same way
the same way it saturates my clothes
my skin
panic and euphoria
fear and excitement
write it out
write it out
find me a pen
before it's too late
before it's gone

There's an orchestra in my garden
playing symphonies of delight
singing a fantasia as I wake up
with lullabies to sleep at night.

I wish you didn't have the things I love
I wish you didn't have my thoughts
my hopes and my dreams
I am loosing myself and every thing I am

my favourite song is my memory of you
and my favourite artist.. her pictures..
I can't see them and not think of you there,
with me
the soft pillows on my bed hold your scent
the soap I use smells of you
when I hear the birds sing
I can feel you in my heart

how did that happen?
how are you everywhere?
how did you become everything?

I drink my coffee and I taste you
I read and you have saturated the words
spilling them into my mind
every one of them spells your name
and I can't stop reading you.

I dream and you kiss my forehead
wishing me good night
I breathe and you fill my lungs with your laughter
I close my eyes and there you are..
in every inch of my consciousness
in the expanding of my unconscious mind
you have unpacked your bags and moved in
paying in advance..

I have become your home
but there is so much you
it seems I am loosing myself
and I wonder now where I end  
and you begin
if in my mind there is so much you
I fear, is there still room for me?

close your eyes and think of dreams
knowing nothing's as it seems
think of things so soft so warm
closing close your eyes till dawn
imagine imagine imagine sleep
remember remember i'm yours to keep
take a breath leave the world behind
finding dreams and peace of mind


wander through meadows of gentle flowers
counting the weeks and the days and the hours
feel softly soft upon your skin
take a breath and breathe it in
just so warm so soft so light
hush hush my love
good night good night

He loves me and he sings
he sings me songs of random things
blowing raspberries on my neck
quoting "of cabbages and kings"

He loves me and he shows me
all the freckles on his nose
and I join them up in felt tip
or they'll fall off next time he blows

He loves me and he whispers
words of love into my ear
"Ostrich" he says so sweetly
as I laugh and hug him near

He loves me and he kisses me
in all the places i've been hurt
like in the garden when I tripped
and I fell down in the dirt.

He loves me and I know it
he shows me in every silly way
and I show him that I love him
For ever more, come what may.

“You should date a girl who reads.

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.
Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the ******. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 am clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.”

❤


A quote by Rosemarie Urquico..
http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/437516-you-should-date-a-girl-who-reads-date-a-girl

oh just how i love you
yes.. your face is just the best
your eyes are very sparkle
like something sparkly.. I guess

oh your lovely freckled face
you have the most nicest skin
it's wrapped up all around you
and keeps your body mostly in

and your voice is just so nice
oh how I like it from afar
it's okay.. what you sound like
it's like dropping pennies in a jar

you are sometimes quite acceptable
but like the moon.. you smell of cheese
and your hair ***** in my face
when it's blowing in the breeze

on the whole I think your great
very nice and not too weird
I think we're made for each other
now we both shaved off our beards

Maybe I want to be single
maybe I like myself that way
I can do just as I please
no matter what they say

Maybe I like being alone
and take pleasure in being myself
having fun and loving life
I am not left upon the shelf

I am dancing and I'm singing
I read and draw and paint
maybe I don't want to be a couple
unhappy? no I ain't..

Maybe I like to be silent
and not have to talk for days
I can come and go as I please
I am happy in so many ways

And I like being by myself
I feel comfortable with me
don't assume I need another
I am happy and carefree

I'm not ready to be 'taken'
I am as happy as can be
my life's just the way I want it
I am happy just being.. me

you make me laugh
and I smile at your words
my heart is lifted
and my soul is fed

your words flow
intravenously
into my blood
like I need you to survive
to keep me alive

pictures painted
with consonants and vowels
a string of words
that bind my wrists
my heart

and I am there with you
for every step you take
my feet
my heart
will follow you
where ever you lead

you make me cry
tears of anger and loss
tears shed at your plight
I hoped and prayed
that this time
when I read your story again
that this time
maybe you wouldn't die.

wallowing in tales of fantasy
I hold my breath
swimming in their depths
swallowed by words
paragraphs that consume
and I find the greatest pleasure
in being eaten alive

absent
absent from their beautiful eyes
eyes that are the same as yours

missing**
missing the joy of their laughter
the laughter you are too far to hear

blind
blind to the love they give in absolute abundance
and their love for you still waits

silent
silent is the hope that you still love them
and is the only answer you give

love
love is what they have
even knowing you may never
love them back

I need and love them
as if they were my last breath.

Without them..
I wonder how you are still alive?

In the stories that I read as a child,
the leading character was always the hero.
And, I always imagined the hero to be tall and strong,
handsome and capable.
Maybe they were loud, brash and brave.
But they were always fearless.
Displaying outstanding courage in the face of adversity.
Seeking justice, going to war,
doing battle with those
who would destroy us all...
us being..
the little guy..

They were never the little guy.
They were always someone who I would never be.
To me well, I would always be the one getting saved
and not the one doing the saving.

And as I grew up I realised, to my horror,
that none of this was real.
Heros like this did not exist and that real life is most certainly not a fairy tale.
And some of it, stranger than any fiction I've ever read,
and believe me,
I've read some ****....

'Heros' like this will very rarely come to save you.
But, I will tell you something...
If there is one thing in life I have learned it would be that,
there are heros,
and those heros are in fact...
us.
The little guy.
Me
and You.

And... In our own stories,
we get to play the leading character..
but only if we choose to.

You see...
In fairy tales you do indeed have the fearless warrior.
They dance and sing their way through the stories,
where the village is saved, the wicked witch is destroyed,
were monsters are caged and villains are brought to justice.

But,
more often than not,
the real hero of those stories
is the little princess
who wields the frying pan.
The young girl from the village
who cuts off her hair
and defeats a whole army.
The girl in a small town
who loves to read
and shows real courage and tames the beast.
The boy who,
over coming his physical disabilities,
tames and flies,
of all things,
a dragon.
Showing the whole town he is indeed..
a warrior.

And I could not continue this long *** analogy
without mentioning the story of Frodo and Sam.
Through the mines of Moria,
across the dead marshes and lets not forget who defeats Shelob...
on to Mordor where they reach mount Doom.
Almost defeated, Frodo could not take another step
when carrying the ring,
it was just too much to bear
to finally put in the fire of mount Doom.

And then, even after being sent home,
it was actually Sam..
Sam the gardener,
Sam the loyal companion who faithfully,
with courage and determination,
carried Frodo and battles on to the end.
He,
Sam the gardener,
was the real hero of the story.

Time and time again it will be the little guy who saves the day,
time and time again it's the little guy,
the underdog,
the one least likely to succeed
who will be the true hero.
They will have been told they are not smart,
worth nothing,
are unimportant.
Sound familiar?

They will have been through many trails and tribulations,
many which could and in fact should
have brought them to their knees,
but it didn't,
it hasn't...

Because,
like us little guys,
they know what is right,
they know what is good
and they know that they must carry on
because,
if they don't,
well...
the bad guy wins.

And it is the same for us in our every day lives.
And in our own stories you will find,
you have the biggest part to play.
Should you choose to play it.

We face our own villains, demons and ogres.
For us these come in the form of anxiety,
depression, addiction,
abusive partners,
disability and a thousand other things
that can and does bring us to our knees.

And time after time you will show courage
when you think you have none.
You will be brave when you think you are not.
You will carry on,
even when you are face down in the dirt.
I too have been there,
many times.

And sometimes,
things are so desperate,
too hard for us to bear alone.
We can't be all that we want to be..
and so enters our story...
our friends.

In almost every story I have ever read,
in every moment that I thought I could not carry on,
there will be someone else
who sneaks up beside me...

And these will be our companions,
our sidekicks,
our friends.
They will be the ones who hold us up.
Those who will cheer us on.
Those who will mop our brow,
straighten our collar and send us out fighting again.
They too are the heros,
and where indeed would we be
without them?

So please,
take heart that we do not travel this journey alone.
We are not the only one in our story.
There will be others to help us along the way.

Some may stay for only a page or two,
some for a few chapters,
and others you won't be able to shake
for love nor money..

And so,
when things are at their worst,
when it is the darkest hour,
when all seems lost,
they too will be there,
at your side..
you just might have to write them in.

And they will be with you.
Being the little guy.
The hero.
Right along side us..

Words of kindness
are like a balm for the soul
and should be applied liberally
where it hurts the most

I hope someday someone will think of me
someone will one day think of me
with that far away look in their eye
they will say.. 'she was the one.
she was ... she was all there was for me
she made my life the best it could ever be'
and they will have this smile
one that you don't just get from happiness
it will be a smile that knows love
knows they never missed the chance
to find the love of their life
they will have a heart filled with everything
they knew love could ever be
maybe one day i can love someone enough
that they will never be without love in their heart
they will never be alone
and even when i'm gone
they will always know happiness

So, I've had a really smashing time,
playing all those games,
singing songs and colouring,
and playing with your trains.

I've had a lovely time at school,
but sometimes I've not been good,
and perhaps I've not quite acted,
the way I really should.

For the times you have been patient,
and listened to me shout,
for the times I've been quite naughty,
And needed a "time out"

I'd like to say a "Thank you"
for looking after me,
and making sure I'm okay,
in your nursery.

But sometimes I'm really trying,
and hopefully there'll be,
more days that I am better still,
you won't believe it's me.

You've been so kind and helped me,
accepting me as I am,
which will help you out in a year or two,
because next
IT'S MY BROTHER, SAM!!!

Trust..
not an easy thing to do
not an easy thing to give
not an easy thing at all

don't tell me that I am broken
because I don't trust you
don't tell me that..

I have a very acute sense of who to trust
and who I won't
and if I don't trust you
then maybe I see something in your eyes
something you try to hide
I have a very acute sense of who to trust
and I can see you
I can see you
I can see...
you

and let me tell you..
you are not what you seem
I can see
I can see that,
underneath your smiles and your laughter
under those spots..
is something to be feared

don't tell me I am broken
because I don't trust you

have the **** kicked out of you
over and over again
have your soul ****** over
have your life in someones
murderous hands

and then tell me
I dare you
tell me I should trust you...

i take it back
my name from your lips
it doesn't belong there

i take it back
my love from your heart
you don't deserve it

i take it back
my life from yours
it was never yours to keep

i take it back
so i can live again
without you.

Things that make me happy..
I believe it is the little things
that are the biggest
...if you know what I mean :o)

❤

little things make me happy
the biggest kind of happy I can be
and so I thought that I would list them
so that you can see.
❤
okay so sunshine makes me happy
and cats and birds and dogs
and smiley happy postmen
and kittens and hedgehogs
❤
I like bus rides that are easy
warm socks and and being tickled
walking home in daylight
burgers with extra pickles
❤
I like holding hands and kissing
hot coffee, the colour yellow
children playing happily
sweet toasted warm marshmallows
❤
I like friends that make you smile
even ones that make you frown
and ones that give you butterflies
and they will never let you down
❤
I like sleeping late and bubble baths
words and reading books
blanket forts and fairy lights
sleepy mornings tender looks
❤
I like chocolate coins in summer
iced cold drinks on hot hot days
words of love and of kindness
that make me smile for days and days.
❤
And I like to know you're happy
no matter who you are or what you do
what makes me the biggest happy
Is knowing you are happy too.
❤

there is no ground beneath my feet
not today
nothing to hold on to
as I pass through the atmosphere
past the stars
out into the darkness
space is cold this morning
and quiet
and i'm a little bit lost
lost in space
with no way home
but
If I close my eyes
and count
and sing quietly
and hug myself tight
I will believe the lie
just for today
holding on to nothing
calling it flying.

Always..
it's always going to be my fault

No matter what you did or what you said
it will be my fault

Even the lies you tell
will be my fault

The love you gave and the love you lost
will be my fault

The pain you feel and the tears you shed
will be my fault

The agony and the injustice of it all
will be my fault

And the punches I took and the bitter words you spat
will be my fault

The obsessive
possessive
jealous
rage
you poured upon me
will be my fault

The others you slept with and threw in my face
will be my fault

The secret child you made
will be my fault

and so I left you

that will not be my fault

that would be yours.

Home is a very special place
Home can be where ever you feel love
Home can be people and places
Home can be a feeling of contentment
Home can be the things you love
Home can be anywhere
Home can be what ever you want it to be

"Without You"
(originally by Badfinger)

No, I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows

No, I can't forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there, but then I let you go
And now it's only fair that I should let you know
What you should know

I can't live if living is without you
I can't live, I can't give anymore
I can't live if living is without you
I can't give, I can't give anymore

Well, I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows

I can't live if living is without you
I can't live, I can't give anymore
I can't live if living is without you
I can't live, I can't give anymore
If living is without you



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PepofDOd6c

If you want to know
the way to my heart
give me books
not new books
give me old dog eared ragged tales
give me a portal to another world
where lovers love and poets dream
where your heart breaks
and is made anew
with every turn of the page

give me a stepping stone into paradise
were every sunset and sunrise
is written within a paragraph
making my eyes shine
with it's reflection through the page
let me be transported from this world
to another within my mind

give me books that tell tales of adventure
of victory and of courage
where hearts have been broken
and loved and lifted within it's pages
were tears have blurred the ink
and I add my own to their count

give me books that smell of sweet vanilla
and almonds
whose pages are yellowed with time
of centuries past

And I will cherish them
I will hold them to my chest
as if it were the only love I deserve
I will keep them safely under my pillow
and they will be as your love for me
a love that keeps me awake at night
as it helps me to sleep

give me books
and I will
love you forever.

I wish you would not think I hung the moon
I didn't you know..

I wish you would not compare me to constellations
They adorn the night sky with such beauty
and I could never be so..

I wish you would not believe you need me to breathe
I am not the air that fills your lungs..

My eyes do not hold the answers to the universe
no matter what the weather..

The pedestal you put me upon is so high
I am afraid of falling
and when I do,

because I will..

You will see that I am just a human being
with countless flaws and faults
with an anxious mind
a foolish heart
and eyes that are
just brown.

I closed the door.
Falling to my knees,
head in my hands
and I wept.
I shook.
And I rocked.
And I wept.

The world fell silent,
and dark.
The blood seeped through my clothes.
Burning scarlet.

The arrows embedded so deep.
Deep into my flesh.
Piercing flesh and organs.
Each a death blow.
And I wept..

The arrows stood out from me,
proud and valiant.
Poison tipped.
Bringing about my demise.
And I wept..

And in this silent world,
the voices came.
And one by one
the arrows were taken from me.
Tearing skin from flesh,
flesh from bone.
And in my agony,
I wept..

The ground,
a pool of my blood.
Pouring carmine.

But the voices remained.
Whispering prayers.
Words to heal.
Songs of kindness and hope.
Lullabies of peace.

And in time,
there became a comforting stillness,
and a moment of light.
An ember.
Blew upon
with the breath of kind hearts.

And in that moment,
I had hope.
I felt loved.
And I will remain.

My wounds will heal.
My skin will be marred for all time.
But I will remain.
I will stand up and smile once more.
I will be happy for my time.

Opening the door,
to do battle once again.

And above all,
watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you
because the greatest secrets
are always hidden in the most unlikely places.
Those who don't believe in magic
will never find it.

All aboard the crazy train
were going for a ride
tickets out! bags are packed
let's see the countryside

No stops until we get there
a day trip to remember
Still a passenger in spring
though I boarded in September

I pull the cord to stop the ride
This wasn't mentioned in the brochure
'Hang on tight!!'  the driver calls
'It's a crazy, mad adventure!'

Corners that just twist and turn
slamming baggage, luggage flies
hanging on for dear life
'Ain't this fun!' the driver cries

Speeding past the stations
never stopping, never slowing
passengers are screaming
drivers eyes are red and glowing

The devil rides beside me
holds my hand and screams my name
the ride, a rolling death trap
and drives me fearfully insane

This was not what I signed up for
The train hurtles off the track
wreckage, twisted metal
I want my money back

i never want you to change
i want you to stay exactly as you are
with every flaw
every imperfection
and every quirk
please
don't you ever change
because without them
you would not be perfect

stay just the way you are

Some days my cup is half empty,
and some days my cup is half full,
there are days where my cup runeth over,
and days where there's no cup at all.

But today my cups full of coffee
made with heavenly beans from above
and into it I dip my biscuits
made with sugar and chocolate and love


❤

with each delicate word
i placed a tiny parachute
a seed upon the dandelion

so fragile was my trust
but a breath could take it
far away


words.
graceful, charming, eloquent
planted more tiny little seeds
upon the tender head

gathering.
forming a beautiful round
feathery ball

made with the seeds of my faith,
my hope
my trust



and then...


holding the stem

      within your hand
                                                            ­                              
you blew...



                                 and so      your words

and     the seeds  

      one      
                                               ­        by        

                          

one



                                               floated                            



                                                             ­                   away...

Blessed with the most precious of gifts.

Given that which is sacred.

Gifts given in all faith.

Keeper of secrets unuttered.

Guardian of truths unspoken.

Making a covenant with my lips
for time indefinite.

Like a dragon covets and protects.

I hoard these sparkling jewels,
so very close to my heart.

Where they will remain for all time.

I'm calling as loud as I can
and you can't hear me.

I'm screaming your name
but you only hear silence.

I am begging you not to walk away
but you do

You can't see the danger

I'm banging my fists on nothing

Crying out to you

Just...

"please no..."

Exhausted from crying,
I know there is no hope

I lay upon the ground
and accept your fate

I am silently calling to you
as loud as I can

You don't see me

"Can you hear me?

...I can't save you"

My words are silence

You walk away
and there is nothing I can do

just...

*"please... please stop

before it's too late."