it’s been a while since i wrote anything, mainly because you said it was stupid.
it’s been a while since i cut and colored my hair, because you said it looked stupid.
it’s been a while since i wore a v neck, because you said my cleavage shows for other guys and that’s just unfair of me to show off.
you said i was being stupid.
it’s been a while since i sang, because you said the songs i sing about love were stupid.
nothing about me is stupid.
except for maybe one thing.
staying with you for almost half a year.

was it worth it?
were her lips as sweet as they seem?
as soft as mine?
did she give that little flutter in your heart that you get when you kiss me?
what about that smile afterwards?
was it as straight, and white, and pretty as you say mine is?
when you look me in the eyes and say you love me,
are you sure you’re not seeing her?
are you sure that you’re not in love with her?
apparently we both make you feel the same.
you see, my bestfriend told me to leave you.
leave you the same way you left me.
alone and clueless.
with no one to go to.
because the person i was supposed to depend on the most,
was kissing someone else.
why should i stay with someone who makes me feel anything less than whole?
i didn’t ask for it to happen like this.
or for it to happen at all.
i won’t ask anymore questions but one,
was it worth it?

I think I love him.
I really do.
That smile I get when he’s around.
My heart starts fluttering.
Feet can’t touch the ground.
But he has a girlfriend.
Everytime we wave and smile at one another.
Or laugh about a stupid joke.
Despite how much we care about each other.
He has a girlfriend.
I want to love him.
Deep down he loves me too.
But until that changes...
He has a girlfriend.
And it’s not me.

Dear ex best friend,
What happened ?
We used to be so close.
We'd finish each other's sentences.
I always knew what was on your mind.
And then.
One day, you decided I'm not good enough.
So what did you do?
Well, you decide to go be my enemy's friend.
Which quickly evolves you into their best friend.
And now I'm nothing to you.
You replaced me with some girl we used to rant about because we both didn't like her.
As if replacing me made you happy.
As if because I was busy and couldn't hang out for a few weeks made us any less of friends.
Well apparently, in your book, it did.

Dear (now least) favourite person',
You did basically the same thing.
You caught feels for me and I simply said I already had someone.
So you got mad.
And you were cool for a while, and we tried to be friends.
But then you showed the real you.
The one with anger issues and obvious problems of your own.
But then, you decide to go date that enemy.
That girl we both hated so much.
And now you 'love her'.
And then funny part is, you show it off on social media to make me care.
And the worst part is, I do.

Dear other best friend,
I love you.
We're still friends but we're drifting.
But I want to tell you...
Get a better girlfriend.
She's cheated so many times and you just keep taking her back,
Even though the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
You're smart and talented.
And she'll never understand that.
Find someone amazing that likes you for you.

Dear ex crush,
Hey it's me.
Not that you've noticed me.
We've talked a few times but then on Valentine's day you told my friends you had no idea who I was.
Well, you have no idea how much that hurt.
I see you in choir.
Staring at me.
Whispering with your friends about me.
I can't tell if it's good or bad but apparently it's good.
I confessed my feelings for you.
And all I got back was a 'sure'.
And I haven't talked to you since.
But it's not for lack of trying.
You just ignore me.
And I guess that's how it's gonna be.
The three years I liked you?
Gone.
Not that you care.

You want to change yourself.
You say you don't like the way you look.
You wish you could change.
You want to be different.
But I don't.
I've watched you raise me.
14 years of watching myself grow as a person in your footsteps.
And I think you're ******* perfect.
I couldn't imagine someone better.
You're amazing.
An inspirational woman.
That's for sure.
When dad wasn't around, you always were.
You've been through hell and back.
I'm still not sure how you've done it.
I love you more than words.
I've watched you make me the person I've become.
And yet still you don't seem to appreciate yourself.
When I grew up with the definition of beauty was a three letter word.
Mom.
And yet you still manage to put yourself down.
You don't even understand how much it hurts.
So I'm sorry.
That you can't truly see how magnificent you are.

It's been 28 days since it happened.
And I'm still yet to forgive you.
You hurt me in ways that are indescribable.
You robbed me of my innocence.
And of my first kiss.
I'm still mad.
Yet no many how many times you try to talk to me,
I won't reply.
I won't answer your texts.
Or bother taking your calls.
And all of the voicemails you sent are still sitting in my inbox.
Untouched.
It's been 28 minutes since you walked by me in the hallway and cat called me.
At school.
Maybe you're not thinking straight.
Maybe you're thinking with your 'little' head.
Not your slightly bigger one.
You're disgusting.
I hate you.
I never use the word hate,
but in this case I must.
What you did was wrong.
I don't care how you see it.
It was wrong.
I could go to the police.
I could tell teachers or high authorities.
But I won't.
I've tried.
They don't believe me.
And still, the thought of you in burrowed in the back of my head.
It's never going to leave.
And in 28 years,
I'll still remember your name.
Your face.
Your voice.
Your smell.
Your touch.
Your unwarrented touch.
All I have to say is,
I hate you.
You're disgusting.

We met about 2, almost 3 months ago online.
People doubted us from the start.
We began to talk and get to know each other.
You basically unlocked my heart.
I can't really explain anything.
How or why for that matter.
But I do know, you make my life a whole lot better.
So, it's really hard for us.
We live on polar opposite sides of the country.
It's really difficult because we don't get to see one another.
But I know you're here.
Thank God for social media.
So we can catch up with one another.
I don't know how and I don't know why, but something about you is different.
You aren't like the rest.
You aren't just sticking around for my body, or planning on hurting me.
You genuinely love me. And only me.
And I gotta say, I love you too.
I love you.
For the way you make me laugh and smile, and the way you make my face light up when I get a text from you. The way you always constantly remind me how beautiful I am despite the fact I don't believe you.  I love you for the good and the bad and everything in between.
But above all, I love you because you love me for me. So I can't see you every day but I know you're here.  
And when people ask what I'm doing, or who I'm talking to, I always say, you. Yeah. You. That boy.