I learnt about the four letters word

The fast in time
The hope in pain
The past of love

And most of all faith will last

Life is quick
A time race
A chase for ace

Don’t panic
Don’t turn away
Not go away

Think,
Solve

shouldn’t be looking at your soul
right open in the depths of my eyes
lights shone between us
creating path to meet
from where we are

we are not destined
but you open your
eyes wide
looking for connection
right where the light leads
in this path

(off this light and end this sight)

There is one moon
On this earth
Which I look at
Most of my night

Since I was a little girl

It always seems so beautiful
And mysterious

Something to be discovered
Whenever I look at it

Always seems unreachable
Even when it came to stay so near

Close to my heart
As I reach out to discover
The darkness wrap me
And I lost sigh of where
The moon was last at

I stayed up every night
Looking at constellation of stars
But I see no moon

And it dishearten me
As it seems I have slipped away
S
    l
       o
          w
               l
                  y

Without meeting the moon
which I've seen since I was a girl

There's a sharp object in my heart
And its not coming out
Damaging my brain as it hurts
Physically

Mentally *******
Making me wonder
How did I survive
Till these days
To discover such mishap

And how it is possible to
Have come this far
Not knowing
Such suicide object
Could have been placed inside my heart

Probably have slit
Causing great
Internal bleeding

Causing blood clog
And all sorts
To this damage, hurting with uneasy

How will I survive?

It looks like a lonely walk
As the trees at the side walk
Slowly wither
Right when you walk passes it
One by one
They wither
And it never grew back
Even after months
Of rain and sunshine

Nothing happen to the trees
But a lonely man walking pass
It many times

We are only
living by
Coming by
Never realize

We are only
Dying by
From this world's pollution
Killing us
By time

Consuming by..

Uncertain is my only certain
Let me be
There are no other way
As no one knows
Even our next second

342am and I am hungry in the dark
I will run to the kitchen
Like It was flying jumping
And ripped of any food I can find
Like vampires in twilight
Hunting for fresh blood to drink
To satisfy our hunger in the dusk

Only a desire I have is to open my fridge
To drink a cup of fresh milk
Like my hunger thirsting for something fresh

Like the vampires sensing
There is certainly
No such fresh object in the fridge
In the despared just like them
******* any passing blood
I look for little bites
To grab

Why am I not at rest

Going to bed
And
Needed to sleep
And
Not wanting to sleep
And
Suffering from can't fall asleep
And
Sleeping only when the sun rise
And
Deprived of sleep
Arises from one of those
sheep
Lost in the woods
Unable to sleep

Frustrations and Fears

It makes me feebler

It crawls into my head
like army of ants
crawling on my veins

It makes me shiver

Frustrations and Fears

Screaming in my head
Crumpled thoughts all inside my head

Unfolding, unfolding it out again
Making it straight, straightening the thoughts

Frustrations and Fears

I'm letting it out, making it loud
Just to see if there's any illustration that could work out

Frustrations and Fears

As i see it collide
As they meet once again
Tremendous fire

Objectively you'll feel
Thru your body
Warmth up

It will burn out
Make it work out

And soon it makes me
Feel its burning passion

To the undying
Frustrations and Fears
Overflowing

*Frustrations and Fears
It breaks your bone
Tears your flesh
And makes you feel
Right where you are
Trying to gasps thin air
for feeling it deep

I've dreamt about my dreams
Its a reality

It happens right where I am breathing
There's no where else I could be dreaming

And even if there are dreams that didn't last long
It was dreams that has been dreamed of

And it could be dreams I can be dreaming on

*It is a dream where dreams lives on

No one is to young to start
keeping their Soul alive
be kept living from a lie
It is endless and it leads to destruction

"Let the world keep you and lose your soul"

You choose, you are made to have a choice of your own, a freedom to choose.

He presses my heart
I couldn't breathe
As much

Irregular heartbeat
Suppressing pain
At my chest

I wonder if I'm going to die
At this rate of my breathing condition

Taking a few deeper breath
Hoping to take in some air

My breathing is still the same
My Irregular heartbeat
Suppressing pain
At my chest

It makes me hard to be
awake neither to stay asleep

In my sleep and when I'm awake
I could count my irregular heartbeat

I wonder when am I going to die
As I struggle in heartrending
Awake and neither asleep

I cried
But my face can't feel its tears

I screamed
But no one has heard its toll
Not even my ears

My mind is the greatest destruction
Leaving my body weak
My heart unable to feel what is conscious and clear

This happen when my soul tries to reach deeper into
The paradox mind

Its a strange experience
Every time when it happens

I was never told not to explore
But what else could stop me to this adventure

Where only strange things could happen
Only Human could answer and be the answer

It will disappear together with the strange hours
Passing

Pancakes and Maple Syrups
Sunshine and Light Blue Sky
White Clouds and Golden Hashbrown
A Round Sausage and Chilled Milo

Red, Chilli in my saucer
Red, they are in my eyes
Red, they are burning strong
Red, is my tongue and my taste bud
Loving it

Yellow is only when "you're loving it"

I wake up
I look up
I flip to the side
refuse to get out of my blanket

I tug it tightly and put my hands under
tilt my head and fall back asleep

another day like this could go by

I wake up
I look up
wonder what has gone by
breathing in empty air
breathing in what was left

what is life
that past gone by
we hold such a vivid memories
that gone by

I wake up
I look up
look to my left and right
room filled with non living things

what a shame
life is empty
without any heartbeats

I wake up
I look up
the white blank celling
reminded me of nothing

*The words and the breath
of life, come breathe in me again

Reading them
Over and over again

I wonder if you do the same

Going back to read the stories again
Visit the stories just to see if it change
Reading the sentences once and again

Reading them
Over and over again

I am not building
A relationship
A love

I am only doing it
Out for giving love

The love will keep
You from being cold

Keep you from
Where you are
And hopefully
It will kick you
To keep moving on

Because I am only
Giving love
I won't be here for long
I only happened to pass by
I don't know why
But one, I know it is for good
But it is not for good if we don't move on

My heart is beating up
to something strange
Something I cannot explain

But the chemical is strong
Is beating in my heart

I wish to tell you
What it is
but its strange and the chemical is strong

Pull it off
And stop the sound from getting into your ears

Leave the thoughts of what you see
Even when you close your eyes

Choose to lay it down
As you've already lied on your bed

Think about nothing but how tired
And you need to sleep

Don't you ever worry
Before you go to sleep

Just go to sleep
As how you would go to sleep

Because it's short and sweet
I am happy you can read

For a moment
It disperse
I thought
About something beautiful
That wouldn't last forever
I didn't even grasp it
And it be gone

How quick and suspended it felt

There is a shape
A certain patterns
We've constructed
A system we've decided
How we should follow
And do as it is repeated

It has come and form again
A flow required
As our nature perceived
This is a cycle like endless circle

Sometimes I question
Why must we build it to have it followed
Why can't it be disform and how we formed it
And why do we do it this way

And somehow that is the only way

You've open your mind
When you spoken those words

I've come to notice them
little nature of yours

It was some insight
from focusing those flickering lights

It has only been days
And it still stays the same
As my intuitive always says
"It is not a place where I should go
Not any deeper than this. As there is no light at the end of the room, where I peek thru the gaps on the cracked wall. It is not a safe place to go on, not many have been, not many survived, not many have stayed and been alive. It is not a place for anyone to be, for no one has ever been inside."

So I walked out and saw another open mind...

Too young and touching
Too old turn lusting

Too much for physical
Our brain has taught to function

Too much to see
What seems to be right it sees

But not the encourager
For too young and old
This is not the cycle

I'm thinking of making it cheery
Jovial in disguise
In one's high spirit
Like the lucky one
From her merriest heart

I stare into non-existence

Taking breaks from existence

Restoring my resistance

So to come back substantially fit

To feed my realism

We are equation

In degrees we calculate

In many we equalise

But in many we fatal

So we divide to keep it balance

You'll be strong
You will be

After all you will go thru
You will be

You will look back
And you will believe

And I will pray
I will pray for you
In the midst of it

You can treat me
to books
Literature to fiction
Any types of stories, interest

You can treat me
to pens
0.1 to BM tips
Various colours would be nice too

You can treat me
To drinks
Macha green tea to bubble tea
Teas and coffee are some of which I drink

You can treat me
To a day out
You and me
With silence in-betweens

These are the pleasures things
You can treat me

so i came across
a brand called oriental

in a bag of green crunchy peas
one of my favorite snack

i could have a rack
align in rows of lovely packs

simple ingredients of
green peas, vegetable oil
sugar and salt

flavor enchacer
kept me to munch on it
even when i was little, as a girl

not to forget
super ring cheese snack
under the same brand
oriental

i have tried many other
green peas snacks
but no other have i taste
as flavorsome as this

so i snack and snack
and i snack on it
and i wish that
it will stay as long as i will live

oriental green peas snack

I feel
I feel for sadness
I feel the lost
I feel for whatever senses that comes across

I feel that i might be feeling too much
I feel intensity
I feel wrath
I feel for most unspeakable mind

I feel that you might miss
the chance of feeling what you should feel

A lack of cultivation
a spell bound by surrounded cultured

where is the hunger for values
values they follow you after death on earth
keeping our body righteous

not society talks
not how worldly cycle go round
not taking any of this gibberish

it can still be helped
a longing for Lord surpassing holiness

rest your body and keep it
within your soul
nurture it and practice wholesome

surround your mind with
what you cannot see now
in what they cannot give here

keep your eyes close
because faith can give it to you

you can be my fiction
be the character in my head

be with me
inside my head

i won't go out
outside my head

there's a few plots
inside my head,

we can be together
where no one else can be
we can be together as long i live

You see,
i can always find them out there
like wild flowers near the green field
outside my house,

down the road

In a town
random corners, random streets
cracked concrets

you can see them there

i am a fictional character as realistic
from where you are living

as real as you can see
as close as you can think of me here

close enough to have feelings like you do
close enough to know you have feelings for me too

i live a fictional live
a similar to yours
a fiction in fiction

we are not much in difference
would you say, you like to come over again?

time to sleep,
says O sleeper of the night

but its beautiful and quiet
in the night,
says O dreamer in the day

I don't want to go to bed
when i can meet nightly silence
this doesn't happen in the day

I have fallen in love with night
and i want to stay with it
every possible time,
says O dreamer in the day

go to bed,
says O sleeper of the night

(it's too late to take back my confession)
how can i live in the day any longer...
*says O dreamer in the day

life has no word
life has no God

life is far away
life doesn't seems like one

what is life

life is not how it looks right now

life is deeper
life is shallow

life is where he breathe his breath at you

you've found me
i've found you

you're slipping away
away from how i used to grow up

you're still here, further away
away from now i am used to

it's been hard, i don't see you
not in everywhere
where i used to

i want you, more than i can't see you
i want to find you, here and there
everywhere from where i am now

so where are you now?
*i know dearly you're still around

are we suppose to be strangers now,
are we suppose to pretend
we don't know, when we see each other on the streets?

are we suppose to be strangers now,
because we're not even friends thru social media

are we suppose to keep this distance, away forever
keep our smiles to the other people

are we suppose to keep away these thoughts
that we were once so close together
but we've grown so old and cold apart

are we suppose to be strangers now
because it seems to me, you want to leave your past behind

you're the one who came into my life
now you want to leave me out of your life
*how could you be so nice to me?

In a world like this
I wish you leave me

People who buys excessively
People who eats expensively
People who spend too much just going out to have a certain fun
People who spend too much time working, just to live a money spending life,
living to the expectation of what they want to get in live

Leave me to the wild
Leave me to live in the woods
Leave me to hunt for food
Leave me to the life of nature and wealth
Leave me to seek for inner soul needs

Eternal and longing
Where non can be found in a world of this
Where everything fades

Don't put your life in it
There is no eternal contentment to it

leave me to find the treasure to our inner soul
may live

tell me that it is lovely
tell me i don't need to see
tell me that it is enough
tell me you’ll protect me

and give me the courage to believe in this

sadness are so close to me
like water on earth surrounding me

they comes and goes away
it troubles me and makes me drown
many times before i could SHOUT for help

there was no way i could escape
heavy high tide crashes me

treading water
gasping for air
gobbling water
and looking for lands

washes me further
                                   f u r t h e r


a w a y

from my sadness
into my madness  

falling deeper
couldn't rise up
eyes are already close
couldn't see
pressures and darkness pulling in

wishing to see another sun ray of light
shining down benethe here
if only i would open my eyes
to look up and know i might be fine
breathing underneath water

we are all roadside flowers
blooming and changing in seasons

we are all together
all in these together

all growing together
all nurturing together

We are all soft touchy flowers
feeling for one another
loving and tendering

with the same thoughts
and common soil
we came from the same ground

let's be together
in the light of our sunshine

(im moving out, traveling out)
heading somewhere else
(somewhere not from where i am now)

somewhere
else where other beauty lies

somewhere
where new love can be found

somewhere
healthy like nature and air

somewhere
you can go and no one
can stop you from heading to

its a flee
its for a moment
its making memories
its passing by

its moving on
its looking back
its experience
its a way of living it

b e h i n d