How am I supposed to start a new year without you

The day that I was christened--
  It's a hundred years, and more!--
A hag came and listened
  At the white church door,
A-hearing her that bore me
  And all my kith and kin
Considerately, for me,
  Renouncing sin.
While some gave me corals,
  And some gave me gold,
And porringers, with morals
  Agreeably scrolled,
The hag stood, buckled
  In a dim gray cloak;
Stood there and chuckled,
  Spat, and spoke:
"There's few enough in life'll
  Be needing my help,
But I've got a trifle
  For your fine young whelp.
I give her sadness,
  And the gift of pain,
The new-moon madness,
  And the love of rain."
And little good to lave me
  In their holy silver bowl
After what she gave me--
  Rest her soul!

Crimson leaves,
Falling.

I saw the morning dew betwixt thine thighs
As I removed my source of Grecian power
As if King Midas dared to touch the skies
Upon thy body fell a *******

Thy body's temples, two church bells had rung
Upon thy chest, a row of pearls bestowed
The sun had set, thy set with wary hung
I thought, "How black a night and blue a lode"

I said, "What light through yonder ****** breaks?
It is the yeast"

And now my belly's yellow
My pole gives cause to storms and earthy quakes
But 'tis not massive, I am no Othello

And when that final moment came to pass
Like Christ I came-a riding on an ***

The one time I argue back,
Anytime I speak my mind,
Every time I take a stand,
It's just the darndest, cutest thing.

The one time I'm feeling mad,
Anytime I scowl or smirk,
Every time I've had enough,
It's just too **** adorable.

The one time I back away,
Anytime I shrink with fear,
Every time I am afraid,
It's just because I'm dadgum cute.

Let's be fair; what can you do?
Listen? Psht! Respect me? Ha!
How could that be possible
When I'm just so adorable?

Cigarettes and coffee
At midnight every night
People wonder why I don't sleep
But I don't question it
Nor do I care at all.

Sleep never did me any good
I was always exhausted anyway.
Nightmares took my mind
And passed it between their grimy fingers.
I do not wish to be subjected to that again.

Now, as a self-induced insomniac
These nightmares merely come true
Or they show up
In the form of hallucinations.

I guess when I found slumber
I had a better grip on my emotions.
But so what?
I am still out of control either way.

Sleep or no sleep
I am a sad and lonely
Shell of a human being
And I pray every night
That I will be okay again someday.

ask me how it feels to be helpless

living, dying, hopelessly reckless

i won't fight
i won't fight

your embrace
will be my end tonight