Lexander J

Lexander J Feb 2017

Everything is gone now, just a jack-in-the box that scares
money's already wasted, **** it I never cared,
as usual this life has leadened, sped up my sorry death -
a song written for the heartbreakers; sung upon my last breath

bloated and black, happiness not as it seemed
destroying the gift that for years I've dreamed,
she gave me her heart and I slashed it wide open
for its clear to see I cannot love, it's clear to see I am broken -

who needs love and it's pathetic excuses
a gnawing feeling both corrosive and abusive,
thy gargantuan question looms with a killer in it's eyes -
had I been in a relationship built upon lies?

Flowers of abnormality bloom upon ashes of mistrust
as my tortured soul frantically flounders in the dust -
down
down
down
the downward spiral again I am shoved,
forever asking if I can ever love, and in return be loved.

Feb 2017

woolgather

Tantalizing Habit

Slashing, dashing,
The blade through my arm.
Bleeding, bleeding,
I don't know why it works like a charm.

I wouldn't be surprised,
If they'd be  disgusted;
They'd want myself revised,
But I'm not just  maladjusted.

Wear that mask again,
That mask that hid your pain with fakes;
And try to clean the*  blood-red  stain;
And keep doing so until your sanity breaks.

I guess that words keep me intact,
Even just to reality, I hope.
Though, with my demons, I made a pact;
*It's no use; I can't seem to mope.

Blood spilled is blood spilled

Feb 2017

woolgather

When I Rot

When I rot,
Will you tend to me?
Will you comfort me?
Will you stay, even at my worst?
When I rot,
Will you hold my hand?
Will you tell me everything's fine,
Even if it wasn't, and never will?
When I rot,
Would you make me feel alright?
Would you lay beside my casket,
And hum my favorite tune?
When I rot,
Would I still be your love?
Would you still be patient,
Enough to see me dwindle to nothing?
When I rot,
Will you still see me as me?
Would you not change for me?
Would you still find the good that's long not within me?
Oh—that's right;
You never felt real;
You weren't even here to begin with.

A prequel to the ramble I shouldn't have written

#love #poetry #depression #sadness #death #breaking #point