i always treat people as if it their last
‘cause we never know how does it ends
carved on the graved or letter of promoted
passed the exam of paper or passed away

jilly jelly tell me, who will sit the longest at my grave
ones who stab me or my only fave
jilly jelly tell me, who will sit the longest at my grave
ones who **** me or them who want to save

there is always tomorrow she said
we still have much time left she said
i still have remaining days she said
i am loving you forever she said

jilly jelly tell me, who is going tell her?

grey hair and wrinkled skin
dark spot lingered on the eyes
loss of pounds and medical prescriptions
therapys, cure, anything that can save me

do you even notice how my sadness consumed me?

i hope my love keeps you safe and sound everywhere you go
i hope the wind touches your skin softly
i hope the sun keeps you warm in the morning

beneath the nature lies my love upon you
i have told rain to soothe you down
dear thunder, please don’t blare much
as you might make him scared

i hope the blowing wind stop pushing its cold onto you
and for the sun, i hope it’s not burning your skin

each times flowers bloom, i hope they flaunt its scent into you
to remind you that nature is alluring
to remind that nature is kind to you

to remind that i lay my love on you through mother nature’s kindness

when people said “i love you” but i said, “i adore him to the point i thank him for existing”

when people said "i love you" but i said, "i would recognise his odor in thousands of crowd"

when people said "i love you" but i said, "he is the first thing that i mention through my prayers"

when people said "i love you" but i said, "my brain refuses to think about anything but you"

when people said "i love you" but i said, "it's crazy how my mind leads to you to every love song that is playing"

when people said "i love you" but i said, "he is the first thing i reminisce to every matcha store i stumbled upon"

when people said "i love you" but i said, "i would spot his footsteps in a muddy dark forest"

when people said "i love you" but i said, "i learn how to cook for him where these dishes are crafted with love"

when people said "i love you" but i said, "i have been adjusted to be all ears for him when the whole world turned him down"

when people said "i love you" but i said, "i don't want him to translate. i would speak his language, i want learn the language of his soul"

this is somewhat unfathomable, but, half of me hates him for what he did, half of me still longs for him.

what is this phenomenon, mother nature? why do I still have space for compassions, for him? why do I still see him highly?

was it my blinded eyes or love-polluted mind?

nothing have i ever laid my eyes on something so tender and soft; the palm of his hand, and the tone he used as he speaks.

no matter how far i’ve wandered around, the string of mine goes back to him, a man whose existence caught my existence, 3 years ago, at Brighthelm.

something was giggling merrily inside of me the moment i was with him. it was my inner little girl, she was happy. a man that is so serene, a safe place to be with, and a situation where finally she doesn’t have to be in a survival mode. she couldn’t ask for more; that’s what she craves for. that’s enough. that’s enough for the rest of her life.

but she murmured, and asked me, will we ever be able to see him again? a part of me highkey wish to say “yes” but fate is something that’s not under my control, so, “i don’t know. we will see. but let’s just pray.”

when I was little, mum told me not to go too far, or Iwill be lost
she warned me about the monsters and creeps that live inside the forest
said don’t go there, it’s dangerous
told I might not come back, or turning into one

in the living room,
she always tells me about them
and how they threaten humans for years
there was a myth where they harm us
as if they’re something that is very dangerous

I went back to my chamber
staring at myself on the mirror

sighs.

poor old lady
sad to see how much she’s scared of monsters
not knowing and realising
that all this time, she’s actually given birth to one.