Please tell me for once, I don't have to face this world,
With their piercing stares of hatred and anger,
Please tell me,
that the air I breathe in is filled with warmth,
not angst of discrimination
Or critics eager to have a say in everything i do,
Please tell me,
that for once I wouldn't wake up tangled in my blanket of unfortunate happenings that awaits me,
Instead, I just want to lie as long as I want in my bed with a scent of comfort and feel safe,
Not having to face the judgments of the world as I open my room door which will always be my barrier to protect me.
At least for this one night, I just want to lie on my bed not having to face the wreck of humanity, and embrace my little blessings,
Because, when dawn breaks I have to deal with EVERYTHING once more..

neatly pressed, uniformed,
looking for matron.

the vestibule, signing in,
taking out. small girl
grown older, bolder now.

these are the growing days.
big school, and endless
performances. not yet
the final curtain.

you made no difference
whatsoever.

small girl.

sbm.

I dreamed of you the other night
in my drunken stupor
you were on the top of my mind
conquering what few brain cells
still had the power to resist
a quaalude on the tip of my tongue
you tempted me again
like a ghost from the grave

it's been over a year since I've seen you
spoken to you
and 30 seconds since I last thought of you
as usual
I've never spoken of you
to anyone, except here
this black hole of anonymous misery
this congregation of broken hearts,
lost souls, and lonely *****,
just like me

I confessed you, us
to a friend
the one and only that remains
that I've also not seen in a year
the only one I've not let slip away
walk away
off into the oblivion of my memory
like I did you

I confessed my crime
my untruth,
spoken time and time again
I couldn't bear to let the words
the lie
slither over my teeth again

my confession of
my crime of heart
of mind
my **** was the real culprit
the ringleader, the conspirator
but my heart and mind
suffer the punishment
of solitary confinement

left only to reminisce of
innuendo, sweet daydreams,
sore muscles and drenched sheets

clouds look like entire worlds yet explored;
they are peaking in the distance
in mountains of more
drifting off into a blue eternal
they were there.

as morning rises they gather
colliding into another
forming foamy waves
following the tides
the wind that exhales them
moving only forward.

and in the middle age of day,
after the glory of youth has passed
there is no cloud to dampen
or form shadows on your path.
just an endless azure
that strikes hope, and fear
at the inevitability
of forever.

when days wane
and bleed their golden life
the sun falls
and clouds form again, this time
to capture the falling blood
and project the colours of desire
as red, purple and blushing pink
paint the white of worlds,
don’t blink,
before the colour swirls
and darkness falls
upon this world of all.

Even when I cry
I am smiling
Even when I am hurt
I am staying
Even when I am in pain
I am singing...
Even when I know the truth
I am lying...
Even my life in complete mess
I am shining...
Because I know..
Even when I lose
I am winning...
Victory is never easy
No pain no gain..