everyone tells me that it's my fault that I feel this way and that I need to stop looking at the terrible side of things, and oh maybe they're right but how am I supposed to look on the bright side of things when the boy I'm in love with walked away five months ago and took everything with him except the voices in my head and my blade and that my mother and father are waiting for the day I turn eighteen so they can kick me out and not pay for my medical bills and the medication that I need to wake up each day and not **** myself.

but, oh maybe I'll look on the bright side of things when something good finally happens in my life and doesn't end in disaster and open wounds.

everyone told me you were bad news and to not let you kiss me but I swore I could see the beautiful blue sky in your eyes but it turns out that you decided to become a natural disaster that started out with nice weather and promising love and then ended up flinging houses and cars everywhere along with the pieces of my heart.

everyone tells me that I shouldn't let you kiss me and that I shouldn't let you unbutton my jeans because you don't care about me and all you care about is making me fall in love with a fictional love that you promise is real. but, I swear when it's 4 pm and I'm up against a tree and you're kissing my neck all I can think about is how I can feel your heart beating out of your chest and how you're whispering that you've never wanted anything so much in your life.

it's 4 am and I'm really drunk right now and I almost texted you for the first time in almost 5 months saying that we met 3 years ago in the next few weeks and that I can still remember every single thing that happened that day from you smiling at me to me stumbling over some rocks and you catching me. but I really hope this new girl loves you like I did (do) and I hope one day you realize that you threw away absolutely everything for a girl that only wants you for what you can do in the sheets.

you're like the bad taste that coffee leaves in my mouth long after I've finished my cup, and I'm never fully able to get rid of it until I pour a new one. (but the taste always comes back,
just like the memory of you)

you snapped the spines and hearts of every single girls whose ever loved you because you would rather step on their bones and around their feelings than just tell them straight up that your heart is as cold as the winter wind in December.

YOU COMPLETELY RIPPED MY HEART OUT OF MY CHEST AND WHILE YOU DID THAT YOU SLIPPED AND FELL AND SCRATCHED YOUR KNEE AND EVERYONE ASKED IF YOU WERE  OKAY WHILE I WAS COLLAPSED ON THE GROUND BLEEDING OUT AND GASPING FOR AIR.