i wish you were a poem,
one i could write my way out of.
chained up in your words,
how do i break free of your love?
will i ever find myself or will i stay lost in all you've made me.
boy i was heaven in your hell,
i was everything you needed to be.

mr. distant lover, why you stray so far away?
left me here at war with all the things you failed to say.
i don't need your love.
but, my love you needed me;
you needed me to need you,
you needed someone to see the world through.

i'm feeling so alone & i'm wondering what will it take,
for me to feel at home in this space i cant escape.
why am i still lost in all that you have made me?
you turned my heaven into hell.
i'm here with no one to save me.
                             i will get up & i will find my way.
                             down in your love is where i cannot stay.
                            its my time to rise,
                              like the sun that shines my way.
                           down for your love is where i cannot stay.
it is your love that keeps me so far away.

we survived the retrograde,
overcame the mess we made.
-
lets just call a ***** a *****.
im goddess
of the golden age.
bring peace and love
like olden days.
with ancient ways
-
my soul is old,
my soul is wise.
im deep,
im raw.
im sweet,
im pure.
im really dark,
as light disguised.
im really dark,
dont be surprised...

ill strip my soul of its value and place it on your crown,
ill bow to your highness
if you'll never let me down.
-
im loyal,
law-abiding
and i want to be ruled.
string me by my neck with ropes of promise
and potential slaughter if i might ever stray away from the likes or thought of
you..
you alone are all i would ever need if you alone would make a space for me,
find a home and find a place in me.

when mind feels threatened,
it sends out signals to the guards
to stand upright
& look aware,
as if we aren't already far gone enough.
-
i know,
its your job to protect and defend,
so i can practice as much of the zen
as i allow;
mind will do what it must.

depression has me by the throat,
it’s gripping tight,
it won’t let go.
anxiety,
has ruined love for me,
entirely.
im holding on by hair strands,
moving with death,
a slow dance.
im drowning,
with a life jacket,
without
your touch,
i need a hand,
will you reach out?

-
i can put it on my life
and everything i love.
i gave you all i had
but my all wasn’t enough.
never crossed no lines,
never did you no wrong.
tried to wait for the right moment,
guess i waited too long.
my love had no pride
i loved with no lies,
& i loved you when i didn’t even know why.
wasted time,
love got away from us.
waste of time
cause we ran away from love.
ain’t even been a week,
im not weak
but i can’t even sleep.
it’s you im needing
& you won’t even speak..
how did love get away from us?
-
guess it’s not my time,
maybe i should wait for love.
-

why do you try so hard to alter what i see?
you tirelessly point out every insecurity.
when i start to feel beautiful
you make me see all flaws.
when i start to feel magical,
you question who you are
& why you're here..
-
i get faded hoping that you will fade away
but you never do,
you just get in the way.
"fix this."
- perfect body
- perfect person
not even half of your wish-list.
"fix that!"
"your eyes are too slanted, your nose is too flat."
i spend hours in the mirror, analyzing myself.
wishing i could look like
* someone else *.

don't try to figure me out,
you'll lose your last bit of sanity.
i promise,
im not that complicated but
... its complicated.

witnessing a love so unrequited;
bad energies invited,
with open arms
but uninviting.
no true intentions,
not enlightened.

all they see is a pretty face.
an innocent smile with dimples as deep as her.
who is she?
her energy makes you curious,
so otherworldly, the way she thinks.
she is all 3 of your wishes & she is the genie that provides.
she is the whisper in the wind, & the stars that fall from skies.
like beautiful rays from the sun, she seems harmful but if you look into her you’ll see all you need to come back to.
she is a balance of love, a low tolerance of *******; provoking and gives exactly what she gets.
powerless & fearless, yet still both fair and faith.
she is more than just an innocent smile & a pretty face.
       - lash g ❤️

ive grown and
i want to be grown for you,
in ways that make your manhood come alive.
sometimes im a child but still..
im mutable and if you will try to change me,
i might consider.
-
my daddy left scars and traces of a fragrance
that demands a space to fill
or a space to spill emotions and ink
and feelings that link to you.

dead bodies everywhere,
just like they were before.
focal points are focused on connection and a poor
state of existence,
know nothing of existing
in a space beyond this place
filled with disgrace
and the misplaced.
-

what purpose do you serve?
what good do you deserve?
you see what’s right before you,
you wont even say a word..
so ill say it,
and if there’s a price to pay
then ill pay it.

hidden in plain sight
are the stories of my life
all of the pieces that i write
they speak
so sharply
like a knife.
yet
the ones so close
they lack the trait of understanding.
i’m more oblivious
to all that is surrounding,
i’m always giving
but the favor hasn’t found me.
it goes so deep,
a single broken piece,
profoundly.

there are days when im like
"why dont men talk to me?"
i know im not ugly,
i know i don't smell strange...
i know im not super, duper weird.
i won't steal your dna,
try to hack your phone,
stalk you on social media,
fake-marry you in my head,
or stress you..
well maybe ill stress you a little bit,
but its all out of love.
so, why don't men talk to me?
-
my friends would say its because im a loner
and i don't leave my house,
which is not a good enough excuse.
or because i look like a 16 year old and
this i can slightly agree with because every 17 year old male ive encountered at age 22 has tried to spit game and at this point..
im seriously considering.
-
but seriously,
why don't men talk to me?
i have all of the qualities that they claim they would give the world for,
i know im barely seen but isn't that supposed to be a good thing?
yeah yeah
whatever
i know..
but that still doesn't answer my question.
-
then i randomly over-hear conversations,
and situations between a male and female
and try to picture myself in the middle of it...
and finally,
an answer!
most men don't talk to me because they have nothing to say to me.
they can already tell from the way my natural expression says untouchable.
the way my eyes are set forward,
tunnel vision,
not seeing anyone unless in direct path.
these men are smart!
they would rather not waste my time or their own,
so they leave me alone.
& this is why most men dont talk to me..

no time for burning bridges,
im over throwing stones.
this life ain’t what i pictured
but im making it my own.
be glad when it’s all finished,
i know this is not my home.
im losing myself in it.
always losing myself in this.

and everyday for me
is a new beginning..

i have so many words at my own careless display,
so many means to express
and so many questions.
-
i have ends loose that crave connection,
ends cut that want so badly to be ******* again.
i have bruises on my knees,
cuts at my wrists
and demons still begging for another taste of righteousness
at its peak...
so fine,
so sweet.