each day i struggle to stay alive;
the war inside of me has outstayed it’s welcome.
the ghost of my past derides every step i make.
so needy.
always seeking attention
still
you never have anything to offer,
but you hold high the audacity to take all that does not belong to you.
like happiness.
you see me smiling and bombard my concious mind with a million reasons why i don’t deserve to smile.
i have been trying to silence you but i am finding that there is no silencing.
you exist for a reason i may soon understand.
without you
i may never understand.

so you lead and i submit?
well,
while the blind cannot lead
and you will most likely drag me to ****,
atleast we’re cute.
you know? relationship goals.
-
it’s funny,
men tell you what not to be then betray you with the same description.
& they ain’t messing with no gold digger but an encounter with a woman that has her sh-t together
leaves your ego fetal positioned.
-
it’s tragic.
one day they are all over you,
the next day they are over you.
the mind games are the only thing that’s lasting.
attracted to big as$3s.
never mind
how she keeps her surroundings,
can she cook some food?
raise a child?
or raise you, for that matter.
-
you base worth off of body count
or how tight a vagiina grips
your insecure little d-ck
that’s seemingly more of a man than you can ever be.

even when i am alone
i am not lonely.
no half of me is missing
or within someone else
because i am full
& i am whole
on my own.
this new love that i have discovered
is different,
uncomfortable almost.
it is the love that i had searched for high and low.
it is the love that i needed when a love i thought needed me
didn’t really need me at all.
it is the love i cryed out and prayed for,
the very love i thought only existed within the man of my dreams.
now
i am the man of my dreams
so to the man of my dreams,
good luck.

my mind releases fluid
that runs through my veins,
it turns me into terror
it drives me insane.
comes rushing with excitement
the need to be touched,
the need to be explored
is becoming too much.
-

time means nothing
when you don’t have anything.