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Lady Elle May 2020
"Stay in touch"...

Hurt more than the 'goodbye' it was hiding behind.
#allswellthatends
Lady Elle Sep 2013
Mamma left the sheets unfolded and the bed stained
A key hole full of answers
For a more than lonely little girl

She foresaw the night, with swelling eyes
It was going to be a long one; she could feel it from the inside out
The outside in held only numbness, though
She waited with wandering thoughts, wondering why

Blackened reservoir mindset
In a world where color was elusive to her now
She forces a smile to remember a time where there were rainbows

***** dishes piling the sink, forming a brick wall between her reality and the life outside
The life that she craved to live
A craving deeper and more intrusive on her soul
Than the last shot fired in a war

As night falls, so does the pit in her stomach
That familiarity of evil beckoning her in
She waits, and waits, and waits

The voice calls, as it has so many times before
The tone is subtle this time, so maybe he’ll be kind
Tears trickle slowly down her check with each expectant step
No time to run

Light footsteps of tiny feet glide across the floor
She is devastated to make acquaintance with her maker
With every glance, she’s reminded that she’s a part of him
But tonight they’re closer than kin

Push, push, ****** and infringe on her flesh
Devilish eyes burning their way through her life, one jolt at a time
Restless, helpless, confined and forgotten

The screams inside her head deafen the world outside
But she dares not open her mouth
For a single sound would radiate like an alarm
And no one is supposed to know what’s behind the white walls
b.
Lady Elle Jan 2020
b.
And maybe it was us
in a past life
but not this one

And maybe we’ll wake up
in twenty years at 3am
with the same contentment
in separate houses

And maybe we’ll stare
at a photograph of the other
before responsibility set in
and the sun set slowly

And maybe it will sting
for a moment or two
before we both turn back
admiring the result

And
we won’t regret a thing

-L.E.
no one really knows.
Lady Elle May 2016
Leech your stony knuckles to my brow
Excavate the valley where my soul once stood
and tell me what you find

Bury your treachery deep in my breast
and allow my heart to follow at a tasteful distance
Lean onto me the fertile tones of your voice
but cut me loose of your chords
**** my minds thoughts and ******* your prayers
on the corner of Lonely and Broken

Death be to me all the things you are not
Shuttering, staggering, stuttering still

Compromised.
Lady Elle Jun 2013
so done.
trying not to let it get to me.
but how can it not?

"wait", i whisper to myself
you have your arms.
you have your legs.
you have a bit of family left and some friends to match.
you're not dying.
you're sheltered.
you're fed.

....why is it so hard to recognize the good?
because the bad is much more overwhelming.

it's helping, but not enough.
i still want to scream.
i still want to cry.

i have manifested every single that that has happened to me.
i've prayed for it, and it's been completely answered...now for me to only slap God a good one in the face by objecting.
what is the matter with me?
God, where do i begin?

i'm lost.
i'm terrified.
i'm alone.

wandering amongst the dead particles of life we call earth.
where do i go?
what do i do?

continue to breathe, i suppose.
Lady Elle May 2013
please have a lovely day
do not let worry or stress get in the way
do not forget to take today as a gift
and if you need a little something of a lift
think of everything that makes you smile
because tears dry up so fast, they can't stay more than awhile
and there's no reason to be afraid
we're luckier than most, we've been given another day
free of charge and completely our own
the Earth is so delighted to be our home
to house us and give us energy and life
don't let that stupid person holding the knife
keep it in your back and tug you around
sad people are one's who relish on a frown
but do not give them permission to cause you anything less
because let me tell you, you do deserve the best
to jump and to
                feel like you can
                                        FLY!
to be happier today
                than you were yesterday
                                         because you are
                                                       ALIVE!
Remember to smile at life, and life will smile back!
Lady Elle May 2013
Red, as the deepest rose in a bloom of spring
like the blood that runs through my being
like the light inside the tower for men at sea
your touch creates a safe haven for me

Dust, clouded and floating through the air
like a part of the Earth that didn't bother to care
like the way a fire sparkles through a dead night
you are just the correct type of write

Fragmented and broken in a universe of chaotic distrust
like a brand new bike with a slight bit of rust
like joy that only comes when you're in my hand
no need for an audience, you are my biggest fan

A song to be belted from the top of a mountain high
like the coarse, bristly hairs my fingers slip by
like the tissues that have wiped so many tears
you are the only one who will ever understand my wants and fears

And love, the sweetest, most innocent, and pure kind
like the first opening of a newborn's eyes
like the moment you realize your purpose in life
you are the only one I feel I will ever do write by

So here's to you, my dearest friend- my pen,
you are why I am who I am.
Copyright 2013.
Lady Elle May 2013
you'll sing it in a song for the world
but you won't bother to call
or txt
or write
or anything.
yeah, you sing it for the world
and let them relish your words
give them notes to step to
while my feelings are on the ground
actions. actions. actions.
never meant so much before this moment
it's hard, so hard to not believe you
because i do.
but it's harder to listen to the words you're singing
for everyone in the world
you can tell them how you feel
put it in a beautiful song that you struggle through
but you cannot give it to me
go, sing your new song
and while you do
know it hurts even worse to hear it
from the other side
the same side you left me on
the day you walked away
Lady Elle Nov 2013
Hey, You-

You sit high on your pedestal of metaphors and similes
You say I can’t write for ****, well thanks for the ministry  
But, please, show me where it is stated in your right
To act like you know a **** thing about me or my life
You want some emotion? Fine, I’ll give it to you
Like the back of his hand did to me when I was two
I’ll tell you some **** that would make you hurl
And cringe and binge and squeal and curl
Into a ball wrapped so tight you can’t breathe
Like I sat, locked in the closet when I was three
Only to go to school at five then six then seven
“It’ll get better, you’re only just eleven”
First day of middle school, unable to spell
Righteous punk in a personal hell
Cuz reading and writing aren’t a part of the drive
When you’re on the street just trying to survive
People looking away to what they don’t want to see
“Miss, could you spare some change to help me, please?”
You want to get personal? I can give you truth
I’ll tell you what the **** I’ve been through
Drugs, lies, abuse and ****
Freezing to death on streets without escape
Homelessness in herds of mothers and daughters
Generations of women born without fathers
I hide my scars well and maybe that’s why
You can’t see a **** thing behind your naked eye
But you can’t take away my story or my right
I’m too **** stubborn to back away from this fight
You take pride and hiding in your height and your rhyme
But I’ll give it to you straight, I don’t waste any time
I’ve seen too much and been dealt too little
To let someone like you, with all your riddles
Spit in my face to break me down
My body can sink and I still won’t drown
Your insults do not penetrate me
I’ve survived more than the lives of one, two and three
Numb and ruthless after countless stabs in my back
I am porcelain that falls and still does not crack
So, c’mon, try and tell me you don’t think I can
You’ll be forced to see just how can I am
Lady Elle Feb 2014
easy come, easy go
all of you

you think you know
just what you do
but you don't

i long to be
not felt
but touched
not just heard
but listened to
not just convenient
but important
not just another
but the one

someone will save me, someday
when i have stopped
hurting.
Lady Elle May 2013
I miss your hugs
I miss your eyes
I miss your coffee
I miss your **** for a car

I miss your smile
I miss your dinners
I miss your song
I miss the way you held me at night

I miss your company
I miss your fun
I miss your tattoos
I miss your love

I miss your silliness
I miss your art
I miss you reading to me
But mostly, I miss your heart

But I don't miss the drinking
I don't miss the late nights
I don't miss the insecurity
I don't miss your high

I don't miss your low
And I don't miss your silence
I don't miss your selfish ways
I don't miss much of that

But I do miss you
And the good outnumber the bad
Which is why I'm so grateful
And still hurting, still sad
2013 Copyright.
Lady Elle Aug 2015
There will come a time in your life
when you become the first person
who ever broke your heart.
And suddenly, you understand.
Lady Elle May 2013
I'm sorry I'm not as great an artist
And I'm sorry I don't drink all that much
I'm sorry I'm not all that cool
And I'm sorry I talk too much

But there's something that's really making me torn
What am I doing all this apologizing for?

Just want to be with you and hold your hand
But not only when you're falling over, too drunk to stand
I wanted you to be there for me when I needed you most
But now I'm just the babysitter hanging up your coat
This is a work in progress, but I felt compelled to write down what I have so far.
2013 Copyright.
Lady Elle May 2013
"No one will love you as much as I do"
The thought keeps ringing in my head
Alongside the church bells that I once heard while looking into your eyes

"Don't be a fool", I say to myself
Breathing heavily, anxious as all hell
"No one will ever love you as much, and you know it"
But why not?
Why can't someone else love me as much?
Should I just settle for him because I don't think it's possible for anyone else to feel this way about me?

I don't feel for him the way that I should
The way that I used to
The way that I want

Why must need overcast want?
Why must love be so black and white, rigid and confusing?
I've always begged for his answer
But now I'm wishing I had just let it be.
2013 Copyright.
Lady Elle May 2013
all love lost
in a single moment
on a misused bed
she asks why
he's too angry to reply
and now she wanders
Lost and Forgotten
why?
i don't know
it's just how it goes
when there are too many
Little Girls and very, very Angry Men
2013 Copyright.
Lady Elle Dec 2018
I have made you bleed
I have made you sweat
I have made you starve
I have made you ache

I have put you in the mud
I have put you in the ring
I have put you in the crossfire of heartbreak and misunderstanding

I have picked and prodded you like a foreign beast
I have roughed you up like a schoolyard bully
I have carelessly clutched & betrayed your touch

And, yet, toxically, you stay
You open eyes each morning
You rise
You move  
You work

You build things & restore tragedy
You absorb and give
You release
You force air inside your lungs
You put it there, even on the days I don't feel
You deserve to breathe

I am imperfect, as you very well know
But for what you have done
I look in the mirror
And desire to be


Kind.
Lady Elle Jan 2015
I fell so in love with the story
That I suppose I forgot where I was going
Too infatuated with the fairytale
Wanting the bargain more than the sale
More in love with the Hallmark promise than him
More eager to be someone I’m not just to fit in
It’s all too easy to forget what we cannot see
To relish on everything we cannot be
Easier to love the dark when the light wants in
Easier to lose, when you have no hope to win
More than anything, I wish for a life
Not defined by materials or hype
I just want someone to be proud to utter my name
But not only for fortune, envy or fame
To live a life that’s simple and sincere
To cast away all insecurity and fear
To keep away from the fake and wrong
To show someone who is weak they can be strong
We live in a world of manufactured hopes and artificial dreams
My mind turned deaf from my own pitiful screams
It seems we’re so focused on what we cannot have
Let’s start appreciating the good and negating the bad
I want to give more back than I have received
To help even the most hopeless to believe
I have been selfish enough to learn better
Useless anger and a childish temper
It all has led me to embrace what I should
The happy, the deserved, the love, the good
Reality can ****, so we choose to pretend
But there can be no beginning without an end
So to all that have done me so UNsolid
And in the demise of my dreams you have plotted
I swallow my pride, my bitterness and hate
Your maker is not me, and he will decide your fate
I will admit I feel sorry for where you may go
Because I have a feeling your high will send you low
I would fear showing my hands if I were you
But that is why I hold them high in truth
I have forgiven you mom, dad, brother and brutes
Lovers who stole my innocence and youth
I break free of my constricting ties and roots
I break free of the foundations laid by you
Ones I have allowed to hold me back
Walking blindly, stepping on every crack
But today is the day I grab the axe
And with a swing of bravery, this cycle I hack
I will not allow my own thoughts to break me
And I will finally allow my heart to be free
Let it all go and lay it all out
I am tired of drowning in this narcissistic draught
I am saying it out loud, so it’s got to be true
I look in the mirror and say, “I forgive you”
And with all of this, I unshackle these chains
And if all that’s left are Earthly remains
I am certain I will be okay
Because the new concrete I have laid
Leaving, completely unafraid
Released of the burdens that once kept me retrained
I can only pray I leave this world better than it was when I came
And I hope that when I am gone, something I did made a change
Copyright - Lady Elle Poetry
Lady Elle May 2013
i've felt the presence of both the holy, and the extremely
unholy.
i've experienced sorrow of the greatest kind; the kind that hinders the heart and relentlessly leaves you in a river of your own tears.
i've experienced pain, grief, remorse and brutality.
i've experienced love of the grandest quality; the kind of love that leaves you with a belief in
magic.
i've experienced the ecstasy that coincides with feeling another person's touch on your skin.
i've experienced the holy grail of your being and the complete blasphemy of mine.
i've experienced what only i have been able to interpret as greater than this universe.
i've experienced so much in a short while, but that does not discount from it's power.
i've experienced you and me, all in our most naked form.
i've experienced a life that was intended and created for a very specific reason;  a reason that i am connecting to more and more each day.
i've experienced hatred and scorn, but i've also experienced love and praise.
i've experienced more than sometimes i feel i should, but one day the answers will unveil themselves to me.
i've experienced all that i have and all that i know, and while i know that there's a long way to go, i have experienced what i believe was meant for me.
and i'm certainly more than fine with
that.
Lady Elle Jun 2013
Mrs. Rose
Never knows
All the woes
That this world holds
Winters cold
But she stands bold
Even though
Wilting shows
Hard wind blows
Summer heat flows
Her petals it scolds
But she never folds
Truth foretold
In her garden, that Mrs. Rose.
Copyright 2013.
Lady Elle May 2013
You and only you know who I am.
When you touch me with your muddy hands.

I am a piece of flesh, with a blossoming heart.
We lie in the forest beneath the starry dark.

Challenge my mind but do not get lost in arrogance.
Do not engage without caution, but love with patience.

Be mine so long as I can feel the spark in your touch.
Love me hard and deep, but not too much.

I lose myself and escape to your eyes.
I wander amongst the streets of your fears and lies.

But I do not run or flee or scramble away.
For those moments I am lost, yet unable to stray.

Allow your heart to be my home, and I will do the same too.
I will bury my body in your muddy hands, and I will leave them clean for you.
2013 Copyright.
Lady Elle Sep 2015
Do not mistake my skin for a hide
Or my lips a ledge for your lies
My eyes try and be nothing but kind
But your love has left me blind
I wander, but will not be lost
I know your heart has its cost
But for now your fleeting being
Is leaving me without any meaning
I shall endeavor, but not stay
Not for next time, anyway
Lady Elle May 2013
We are such opposites, you and I
Yet somehow we've woven ourselves into this web
You are a tsunami
Yet I am simply the ebb

Differences so evident, it's almost insulting
Your ink-stained arms push up against my bare, ivory chest
You are so clearly you
While I am only somewhat me, at best

So many places you've been
While I've been sitting here all the while
Circumstances should have told us both "No!"
But that word disappears completely as you smile

So much knowledge I've gained
While you don't bother with reading
You are always content with the simplest things
But I yearn immensely for things I'm not really needing

Your smoke-filled room meets my untouched lungs
Your devilish ways engulf my ****** essence
We can only meet briefly, and so rarely it feels
Your absence is like Christmas without presents

I snicker when you sigh, laugh when you cry
I'm through with rest, yet you sit as I stand
I lay myself down just as you rise
My ghostly form next to your harsh skin, perfectly tanned

Your breast was hollow once
Long before me and you, we, became us
But mine was overflowing with love
That the Heavens knew was meant for you, I undoubtedly trust

They, all of them out there, may not understand
Your roughness and ruggedness holding my soft and clean hands
But I do not care about their worries or remarks
Because we are separate people, but one in our hearts
2013 Copyright.
Lady Elle Feb 2014
old habits die hard
nervous habits die harder

i hadn't touched myself
since i got over you

but today,
i peeled back my skin
to reveal what i had forgotten

which is that
i still haven't
forgotten
you.
Lady Elle Jan 2020
i look at you
and all of the wrong choices
suddenly
seem
right

rather simple, it seems
when it
never
was
before.
Lady Elle Apr 2020
after eight years of friendship
seven years of 'will they, won't they?'
six years of kind-of
five years away
four years of maybe
three years as neighbors
two years as strangers
and one phone call that ended with
"Stay in touch"...

what a countdown it has been

letting you go.
**** it.
Lady Elle Jun 2013
who i am is so far from who i was
even further from who i want to be

feeling useless
as though the point that once stood tall
in the name of my existence
is now on the ground, withering away

the ideally painted, colorful portrait
that my life once was
now possesses spews of ink
and bleeds only black and white

resorting to discomfort
in the most unfamiliar places
when really all i want
is to feel life once again

to dance with the flowers
and sing with the trees
to lust after adventure
to see, trust, believe

but everything is now so askew
the print of letters is fading
hazy eyes and darkened thoughts
without consent, everything is rearranging

i need to be freed from this hollow
the empty being i feel i am
what was it like before? i almost can't recall
but i would like her back, please

who i am is so far from who i was
even further from who i want to be
Lady Elle Jun 2013
tell me, please
when it gets easier
when I will be able
to breathe
again.

strike me, but only once
do not linger
to keep
beating me
down.

grace my pounding heart
with the essence of your flesh
but please stop
throwing it
around.

rain falls and tickles
my bleeding words
still writing
and still
waiting.

outside, flowers bloom
birds sing and the world moves
yet I am
stuck in
neutral.

far from the home
I've built in your heart
and from the escape
I've built
in your
mind.

veiling my heart
from now
until eternity
beckons it
back.
Copyright 2013.
Lady Elle Jun 2015
Some fairytales are meant to stay in our storybooks, this world unable to nurture their power.
You could have and would have been my destiny; but instead you will be the one thing that will burn at me like an open wound in the Dead Sea for eternity.
A wise man once told me, “It is always the most complex and meaningful relationships that will never work out”.
You are both my complex and my meaning, so, I guess,
that’s just that.
Lady Elle May 2020
blood-soaked shorelines
the ebb relieves
what it does not remove
but our waters are muddied
since supernovas of hate
are leaking once precious particles
back into our atmosphere
as the carnage begins seeping in
thru our corrupted air
our lungs resist; terrified to breathe
our eyes close; too welled to see

no Ghostbusters
no Superheroes
no cleanup crew awaits
but we will fight

for a tidal wave of change
#strength
Lady Elle Jun 2013
I should have appreciated you more
because
I could have loved you forever
and
I would have, too.
Lady Elle May 2013
wishing to wash away
but I've been pulling wishbones all day
always getting the shorter end
get your love out of my head
lay your relentless desires in my bed
please, remove all of these things
insecurities and hopeless dreams
they say the heartbroken write best
teacher please, don't make me take the test
inevitably failing but still not at fault
drunken eyes, why are you the one i want?
he's at war with the devil in his soul
what's he expect when he told the angels to go?
be smarter, fellow, don't drag yourself down
lost in a sea of whiskey you're sure to drown
drunken and alone
no one there to call home
come, be with me one more night
stop pressuring wrong into right
just be, and let it stay at that
foolish minds lay for the axe of love to hack
come to me in your most naked form
and i will make the light in your heart reborn
there's something more unfinished left
my screaming heart has made my mind deaf
just to need you, want you, feel your touch
come with me, and we will be love
2013 Copyright.
Lady Elle Apr 2020
i hate that calling you used to fill me with confetti
and now it feels like the morning after the party
tbd
Lady Elle Nov 2020
stop
two minutes
just stop
it's two minutes
stop overthinking the overthinking of overthinking
have you forgotten that
sunsets are free?
just like hikes
and kisses
and spirits (both kinds).

let yourself breathe, even if it's just a little
listen to the silence
make some noise
your burdens aren't as great as you may think, otherwise you wouldn't be here
so, stop.
be.
wood is burning
and you are still equal parts shrapnel and stardust

— The End —