the morrow in which we rise. cyanide in the muzzle of the saint bernard sea A one man cult though of course a soft harmonious tune of luminescent ink must remain present in time.


a room
with a
locked door
and pastel walls
i sit in the corner
the door bangs
the knocks of
family
friends
people i should want
in my life
yet
i don't
the comfort
found in my isolation


A bathe in bleach; mat on the ground. I've began stories most fun. arsonist of the claw i must ask our lovely raven why must i take part in this so. they've ridiculed me tearing my wings to which I turn to the burrows of skin inhabited by maggots and tar. a melted candle pierced with rusted nails. the keyhole will tell



my head
in my hands
the tears
pouring from
my eyes
my heart
softly braking
i could
turn to alcohol
but then
i would be
my father
i cant smoke
cant stand
the smell
and so
here i sit
turning
to the only thing
that ever
helped me
get through
the isolation

his crown leans off the side of his head with sunken eyes he's consumed every bit of light he sees. of night is to day the sparrow wouldn't hesitate to call the end of me.

its raining
its pouring
its four in the morning
and you just crossed my mind
and i really need you here
its raining
its pouring
my head is imploding
and i dont want to leave this house
but i really miss you right now
its raining
its pouring
my eyes are over flowing
and im overthinking again
i hope you think of me now
its raining
its pouring
my world keeps on spinning
and im stuck in place
i hope you dont mind helping me escape
because im a mess

i usually dont cry
i would say I've done pretty good
at shutting you out but
last night was the very first time
I had you run through my mind
at I thought I was going to die with you in my heart

I usually go out with friends
not even thinking of you once
but then I hear our song again
and for some reason, it takes me back

I usually don't break
when I hear your name
traveling out someone's mouth
really thought I was done with the hardest part
learned how to pull myself out of your arms

im still flawed
im always here
behind the fear
that locks me up
ive been broken
ive been hurt
and on days like this
everything just makes it worse
and im sorry
im dont mean to be hard
im so sorry im the bother
you dont want around

i walk into the morgue
to identify my best friends body
i reach to hold her hand
but they push me away from you
away from your memory
as tears threaten to make a flood
as a flash flood warning comes across my face

i walk out of the morgue
almost in a daze broken
feeling more hopeless as ever
reaching for my door handle

i walk into my house
but it doesnt feel right
its to empty
to quite
so i stop trying to hold back my sobs

i walk into my bathroom
i find a razor
digging it into my skin
pulling it across my arm
trying to copy your scars

i walk to the hospital
i dont want to die
but i cant bare to lose you
im trying to breath
trying to keep my head up
but it feels like im drowning
like waves of sorrow keep crashing
pushing back under

i walk to the emergency room
and the smell reminds me of the morgue

i walk out leaving you behind me
but i will always see you there
every single time that

i walk

I want to kiss you
I want to feel the electricity between us
I want to light the flames in your heart
I want to burn the world with our passion
I want everyone to dream about us
I want our love to be the storybook children get to read
I want to be open
I want to be close
I want to float into the sky without worry
I want to kiss you
I hope you want that too

I wasn't born to
let you take control
wasn't born
to watch from the side
I was born to make the world shake
to watch everything around me crumble at my fingertips
and stay as strong as I was born
perhaps even stronger

I wasn't born
To be
Soft and quite
I was born
to make the world
Shatter and shake
At my fingertips

I wasn't born
To watch
From the sidelines
I was born
To see dreams
Become as vivid and real
As my poems

i was three
and i thought you loved
and you let me
knowing i was young
knowing i didnt understand

i was three
and i thought it was okay
and you let me
knowing i was young
knowing i didnt understand

i was three
and i thought you cared for me
and you let me
knowing i was young
knowing i didnt understand

i was three
and i thought you where happy to see me
and you let me
knowing i was  young
knowing i didnt understand

I will fight for you
I will always
Even if my heart turns black and blue
And i will stay with you
Through the dark
Through the light
Through the times it hurts to decide
When you cant see the clear path
I will fight
And i will stay
For you

i wish i hadnt rushed my childhood
i wish i had savoured the minuetes
the hours
even the seconds
just a little more
i wish i had been safe to do so
i wish i had been enough for them
i wish i could have smiled more
because now im here
the chains of adulthood weighing me down
unable to move
unable to play
unable to make simple mistakes
like choking on his words
like letting pain into my life
like allowing it to fester
now that im grown
i wish i could undo it

sometimes i wish people could
S E E
all of the pain that im
E X P E R I E N C I N G
i wish they could
F E E L
the hurt i have gone
T H R O U G H
because maybe if they
U N D E R S T O O D
the world i have lived in
they could see the live i hated
L I V I N G    I N

you call me beautiful,
i am in love
and you make sure i know
i am enough
even when we dance to fast
and i trip on my clumsy feet
you remind me who i am
and you know how much i love you
i think i always tell you
but you make me happy somehow
i wish that you could read my mind
even when you let me stay over
and we spend the whole night together
it reminds me that you love me through the nights
and i swear i won't let you go

jack and jill went up a hill
but jack went out on ***** and pills
and jill she had to pick up his pieces
his broken bottles
his empty containers
his lost sobriety
and very soon
after the brokenness became to much
jill came tumbling after
going out just like jack

sometimes when the nights are dark
and the stars are hiding
i think about you
wishing i could understand
why you left me
standing frozen in the icy air
waiting in the january snow

jealous of the rain
that hits the grass
cause its closer then i can get
and im jealous of the leaves
dancing in the wind
wondering to anywhere and nowhere
cause its farther then i can go
jealous of the wind
rippling on the waves
running miles on miles
because it sees more then i can
and im jealous of the past when we could stand together
when we could walking together
because im trapped inside

is it sad
that i was almost
J E A L O U S
or maybe it was
when her father
said with no prompting
I    L O V E   Y O U
or the time he
hugged her for no reason
maybe even the genuine
S M I L E S
on there faces
was what got me
because i knew i could
never have with
M Y   D A D

why do i feel like
i always have to
J U S T I F Y
my pain to you, like
you get to hold some kind of
M O N O P O L Y
over my emotion
i guess its because i thought
if i was able to give away my
E M O T I O N S
then maybe it would
be easier for me to
B E A R
but now im stuck always
J U S T I F Y I N G
myself to you

if i asked you would you even care
because ive wondered for years
but i guess you will never give me an answer
you would rather drag me along
drag my name in the dirt
because you think your a good parent
i was just wondering
if you would give either of us
A N S W E R S

I only pray
You keep your promise
To never leave
My broken soul
I know its hard
I know i'm not easy to love
But say with me
Until our pictures are old
And there fraying at the edges
After all that was your promise
You swore you would stay with me
Even when its hard
Because the sadness from you
Abandoning me is a sadness
I could never recover from

fire on fire
we stare at the flames
hand in hand
eyes jumping with excitement
unsure of the out come
but not ready to give up
you hold my face
staring deep into my eyes
our lips meet
and my heart melts
but then your hands leave
and you fall to the ground
your  body frozen
tears in my eyes
a ****** knife
i clench
within my white knuckles
the sirens call
and i run
leaving you there
my tears are dry
my smile returns
but you lay still
eyes full of emptiness
i wave one last time
and descend into the darkness

love is a
L A N G U A G E
one i have only just learned to
S P E A K
your words taught me
Q U I C K L Y
even though i fear your language will be my
D E M I S E

you kiss me in the dark
but i can feel your smile
even as the evening grips the sky
in a way only god could paint it
lavender clouds filling our skies
you kiss me in the light
but i still feel your passion
even as the morning paints the sky
in a way only god could paint it
with pink clouds filling the skies

Dear someone
Why do I open my doors
Let you take over my world
Occupy my mind
Let you take over my world
Even though I know
You’ll leave me in the end

im a dirt road
and a blue sky
dancing in the clouds
wondering through life
im kind
im crazy
im everything he dreamed i would be
i guess thats why he chose me
just a small town girl
and he knows he drives me crazy
even when were dancing
spinning me around
until he gives me a kiss
and it would be impossible to
L E T   H I M   G O

my english teacher says with a smile
like its a fun topic
like half the class doesn't struggles with seasonal
D E P R E S S I O N

lets learn about ****** assault
my english teacher says with a smile
like its a fun topic
like half the class won't laugh and act like its some
J O K E

lets learn about ****** assault
my english teacher says with a smile
like its a fun topic
like half the class isn't almost in tears with the flooding
M E M O R I E S

lets learn about ****** assault
my english teacher says with a smile
like its a fun topic
like half the class wont watch taking notes on what words trigger
W H O

so lets learn about ****** assault
even though half of this class
will never understand what its like
to watch every piece of them ripped apart
what its like to feel the tears but not to let the leave this
B O D Y

from holding hands
and making plans
to leaning in close
and kissing your lips
from laughing loud
and standing in the sun
to me constantly
missing your touch
and then i see you after school
and crash in your arms
and i am so much happier
i promise i wont ever
L E T   Y O U   G O

i let you scream at me at me
because i know its not at me
no its at the stage
its at the lights
its at the speakers
i just happen to be at the receiving end

i let you scream at me
being careful not to tell you about my week
careful not to tell you how i swallowed my tears
careful not to let you see the panic attacks
but they hurt
but there there
even though i let you yell at me

is there anybody out there
looking out for me
just say you want me
just say you need me
is every last solder
******* me over
cause i feel alone in this battle
broken and damaged
killed by a savage
brain fights
reaching for a lifeline

somebody send me a
L I F E L I N E
im sick and tired of just standing by and
W A I T I N G

somebody send me a
L I F E L I N E
cause im so over this cliche
L I F E

somebody send me a
L I F E L I N E
im so over all this wasted
TIME

somebody send me a
L I F E L I N E
cause i dont want to change the
W O R L D
but i dont want the world to change me
E I T H E R

when i was younger i let you steal my
L I G H T
but know that i have grown older i will take back my
L I G H T
and than you will be left in the
D A R K N E S S
like you had left me in

in the lightness
i felt your
D A R K
it wrapped me up
and held me quite
C L O S E
and for awhile
you even convinced me that your
D A R K N E S S
wasn't bad
and that it could save me from my own
L I G H T

everything looks dark
when you leave the lights off
sometimes those lights
don't come from bulbs
sometimes our lights are the people
who we allow around us

like a
D R E A M
i let you in
but like a
D R E A M
you left me looking for
A N S W E R S

Like a song i hold you close
I listen to your words
Like there repeated
V E R S U S
Like if i listen long enough
Your words will become some kind
O F
Beat will emerge from them
Like even though you never said it
From your metaphors and versus
That will tell me that we still have
L O V E

when i was younger
i watched the birds and the bugs
and i loved the way they looked so
L I V E L Y
but now i wonder if
i admired them for the
H A P P I N E S S
i craved

in a room full of people
yet i feel like im the only one
H E R E
the people talk
and laugh during their
C O N V E R S A T I O N S
yet i cant seem
to start a conversation with
A N Y O N E
here it feels like
i will be forever
L O N E L Y

everytime i look in those eyes
my heart pounds outta my chest
and when i feel your lips
its like a soft summertime kiss
under the moon shining so bright
over an od field of knee high
and each time you give me your heart
on the palm of your hand
its like i've never been here before
never been close
never been so happy
except for when i look in your eyes

i think i lost myself
by chasing you
a person who never cared
about losing me

like a pen
dropped from your
P O C K E T
like a notebook
that's fallen out of a
B A C K P A C K

you left me on the
S T R E E T
and i wished i could of
seen this when i first
M E T
you, but i guess you can never
truly tell how a person
is actually on the
I N S I D E

im in my room
with our song on
i still feel like your arms are wrapping me up tight
im in your heart
but i cant see you
and theres no one to blame
for the pain that i worry i will cause
and your not here
not today but i need you most
when i get lost inside of my head