Is it possible to be engulfed within yourself?

My insides are an ocean.


If I could, I would float away from all this nonsense
dancing to my heart's content on the cloud that flew me out of here
reclaiming my boldness, fueled by the bits of light scattered about,
rays of golden-ness spelling "forget, forget, forget it all"
dancing on my eyelids, sculpted sunrise, salty tears
"please, just feel this moment and be a part of it."

Please, just feed me back my feeling
Please... cry, wholeheartedly.
... What even is this beautiful world without the emotion that keeps it spinning?

Love is golden light on pine trees. Love is a clear river.
Love is your fiercely beating heart. Love is full immersion.
Love is rawness.

Please, tell me how to find that in this vending machine.

Tell me if you see rainbows when you're on the treadmill,
please teach me how to be human when so much of this world is telling me to be a machine.

Tell me how to forgive myself for choosing my brain over my heart?
For sitting still when my bones want to run and jump and dance and swim.
For forgetting how to play!

Forgive me for the woes of the world, for the things that I can't change but still feel the weight of. Forgive me for consuming. Forgive me for hurting. Forgive me for not giving homeless people money. Forgive me for my selfishness, for my biases, for the mistakes I make over and over again.

Forgive me for my humanness...
And most of all, help me reclaim my humanness.
For love is the most human thing I know, and I'm struggling to feel it.

When I was a child
I got told my heart was the size and shape of a fist
so I grew up using it like one.
The masochism I have developed
caused an opening for something destructive
and you slipped right through it.
And unable to deny your sweet prowess
I granted your re-entry without hesitation.
I threw words at you
praying to god they'd hit you in the torso
because your empty chest cavity
needs to be filled with something.
My words bounced around in your ribcage
until it cracked one of them
and flowers sprouted out of it
allowing a place for the words to rest.
Wrapping my arms around your body
feels a lot like a snake killing its prey
because you don't see it coming
and when it happens,
I squeeze you until you give in.
If my heart had knuckles
they'd be ****** and bruised
not because of the beating its taking
but because it's trying to break free from my chest.
Every time you're near
it won't stop fighting my ribs
and now I get why it's called a cage.
My heart is an untamable creature,
relentlessly fighting for what it wants.
But i'm learning to forgive your ribcage
for being closer to your heart
than I ever could be.

Love doesnt end, because it doesn't begin
It is simply realized
Always there in the blood stream
Star dust
Love is a dream you don't quite remember
It was just there before you woke up
Trying to tell you something
Moon light
Love is your eyes wandering to things
Your heart wants you to notice
Dew on peddles of roses reflecting
Love

And so the girl child sat
knitting melodies beside
the great river of words.
Soon her songs were heard,
beyond the Lake of Lyrics
and the vast Sea of Verse.

The evening tide carried them
across oceans to foreign shores.
Field workers sang her songs
to children in their hovels.
They escaped the lips of scholars
in the great halls of learning.

The child became a woman,
and still she weaved the magic,
from the words of the river,
for the hearts of all who read them.
As she weaved she told the secret
to a child who knitted beside her.

Emerging from the womb of time
I heard her whisper to my heart.
I felt the great river in my being,
and I began to knit a melody.
I heard my soul sing with joy,
I am the child of an ancient poet.

© 30/12/2009

One square
poised on the board
unimportant, overlooked
by Bishop's blessing
and Knight's March.
As Queen's cut circles
round lost rice fields,
the rain runs clear
off curved, stone tiles.
The luckiest children
play here in exile
barefoot in pure mud
or asleep on woven reeds
their moments unfettered,
ruleless; unlimited
on an island of green
in a monochrome sea.
Here, they rest.
The peace of pawns
who never learned to play.

The wings of an angel drift through the air. Coal smudged down their rigid white feathers. Poison smothered in their roots. And love... Broken through the core. One wing starts to plummet, carving scars into clear blue sky for all to see; any trace of pure ness crashes onto concrete as the first feather lands. Jet black, hard and cold. The spine torn into fragments of nothing. Yet the world echoes around it, everyone and everything bowing before darkness.
For it longer belongs to an angel but a demon.

I fear this
Everyday
Being happy is too scary
Just to live has been so hard

Lie awake at night
Crying because I've been feeling
Feeling way to much