A charade confession to inimitable times.
Chagrin at my changes, that maintain not a medley of melody with meaningful memories or musky memoir but distilled drops of hater on self within.

if only my contrite can convey you the tears that drowned my eyes with you in mind, would my soul weigh lesser than a mountain climbing the azure.

I'am unstable, flowing like the split ends of your thick hair.
I'am traitorous, at the last moments i shift my choices.
I'am malign, marking a revenge for every word you berate on me.
I'am lamentable, i drink the smallest of light like the night.
Befriend me not, i cheat.
Love me not, i use.
Trust me not, I break.
hold me not, i hurt.

I avow to the question that arose, i concede to all the illicit voices screaming in the dark, Am bad, i pray my lord Lucifer, instead your light.

But to the purest souls out there, I have a little confession.
Skip my chapters in your life not, because am the best if you're the soul seeking an amity with love and loyalty.

I confessed more for the bad and less for the good, cuz' the previous good deeds of mine said that there's no need to use many words where they speak.

Staring at the ceiling in the dark, with a  hope to see a view filled of stars. I've dived into dreams and drowned too deep that now its difficult even to differentiate between day and dark. I begin the story again today, even as the winter winds have been warning me on not to bring new bugs into my brain. Years of care was cursed by a single ring and now left me to find my own cure. 1

All the announced amendments altered already and that sunny warm day,was  when the rings were exchanged. My feet followed to a new home, found a new soul to share,  and a new person to live with.! Tears filled eyes but a hope for a better life. It was another moment when my parents smiled though i had tears dropping down.

Shining everyday in a new way, making every move a moment to memorize with love. We were singled out for laudation, as were pointed to be the best couple. I almost started to forget my home, my parents, my people, and my life, as the new life had not the better ones, but still could trivialize my past off my mind.


And one day everything changed, began phonation, and further filled odiousness, words crumpled and feelings grumbled, all our love and hatred jumbled, loath among us silently aligned to outburst, and with a sudden pounce all the pandemonium proliferated and conflicts growled.
"i never loved you actually, just was forced to" that words owned the same tears just as the ring did once. i know i couldn't reply, but i really wanted to.


pulled a bag to the shoulders, and lugging it out, i thought of all the smiles, and all the highness, that kept me blind throughout our relation, just a dangerous drug had dragged me inn, chopped me up into little pearl pieces and quaffed me up.  frustration frowned, pique at peeks, woes worsened, i couldn't resist and after great toil to control i throbbed my handbag against his head, running drops down my eyes still. He swept me off to the ground with a single slap, and recollected not to apologize but for another shot.


clutched my chin and spoke, warned that he would wing me to hell. clenched my neck and spoke, notified that i could be dead soon, seized my legs and spoke, leave me or leave your breath, and banged me down. Even before i hit the floor i knew, i can never imagine a life without him, a life without breathing would be preferable.


splash*
I was in my room, behind the metal bars, holding me from the rest of the prisoners. thinking of the day, i stabbed a knife against his heart, then i knew he would die, i felt the pain, my heart weighed high, but i also knew, that if i left him alive then at that moment, he would **** me, but i wanted to live, at least to let the world know that i can still stand, though i fell down, I've had enough zest to stand back.

his blood ran through my hands, eyes widened and drowned for the last time, breathing deep and deeper, mouth opened wide and wider trying to catch a breath, forgot to fight back so i fastened to faint down.

I did wake up at the hospital, with few police men around me guarding. They call me '308', I didn't knew back then, but what they meant was that I committed a ******. Recollection of memories started in my mind, yet i couldn't cry, as tear sacks emptied already, wasn't exactly fear but love,

Yes, love that hated myself, love that wanted him, love that loved him, love that wanted me dead, love that boosted pain, love that murmured death wishes, love that broke, love that stroke a mother on seeing her baby for the first time, love that hit a father on his daughters marriage event, love that waved a brother at the end of the game, love that brought mid night ice creams to a sister, love that now kept me in crying, weeping actually.

I screamed ******* the hospital bed, and was immediately tied to the metal bars attached to the bed, pain was all I could feel, love was still fading in from nowhere. I know I love him, I didn't have to prove it to the world, but I have to accept the bitter truth that I killed him with my ****** hands, and suddenly from the heavens, a wild laugh in the room broke my pain and silenced my tears, it took me long enough to realize, when the doctor said "Oneirophrenia", the laugh was mine, I was crying inside, but someone above me was laughing out to the world.

I didn't know what was happening, I was weeping still, but physically it was called laughter. Couple fortnights passed, and the judgement " seize until treated mental illness, by the Indian penal code 308 considering mental depression of the convict ".

Prison is nothing new, as my heart was seized long ago, when the knife pierced through his flesh, as well penetrated past my soul. Later few years, again a new brightness, a sunny day, a glittering sunlight filled my eyes, my parents took me home, and fed me all that I loved, they thought I've forgotten all my past, I'm a new man. But the truth there was no difference in me, I was weeping and still crying the same in me, but back then I was physically laughing and smiling as if everything were alright.

Years later again, a young boy visited me at the charity, where I now stay, after loosing my parents, and asked me if he can have my story narrated to him.
I warned him "its a sad one", he reassured that he can take it all, no matter how sad it goes by the end, and I began.

Staring at the ceiling in the dark, with a  hope to see a view filled of stars. I've dived into dreams and drowned too deep that now its difficult even to differentiate between day and dark. I begin the story again today, even as the winter winds have been warning me on not to bring new bugs into my brain. Years of care was cursed by a single ring and now left me to find my own cure. *2

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Kno­wn stranger❤
www.anoldstranger.wordpress.com