I might need professional help
Or is it normal when your belt
Suddenly break when u mis-calculate
Your weight while hanging yourself

Or attempting, which like my dad tells
"I can't do anything efficiently"
I fail at everything I do ambitiously
And my Consolation: ..consistency

So again my wrists'll bleed
But scar it  leaves is nothing more
All it is, is what was hid, in a kid wit
wrists like a cutting board does

But those attempts cause floods
And moms **** about the tub
And toilets staying clean, so out
Of respect I await the bus

That's late, so my date was
Post poned, so I guess preparation
To jump infront of a bus splattered
Then scattered like decoration

Failed makin me impatient,for expiration So to the subway station
I go , Hoping this time'll be,
the final scene Where my destination

Will send me violently on vacation
Where depression no longer says
I'm not a voice in your head,
I'm just a choice that was lead

By the appeal of being dead
&sto;; wishing someone would love
Who I am, instead of hatin who I was
No more feelin, im never good enough

But as I edge closer a dumb *****
Good Samaritan complex witnessed
The inception of my intentions
then Crept in my business

But sayin I want to jump which I didn't
They would lock me up in an instant
Without a shoe lace&like; I'm two faced I lied with persistence

That I wasn't gonna jump, and
Quickly left disappointed
Now having to re-schedule wit Death, and make a new appointment

So I brainstorm, and aim for
A place my blood will stain floors
After my blood from veins pour
About suicide I'm **** as gay ****

////////

I can't believe after all the time spent
thinking bout How to host
And envision The Idea that had risen
To help my transition into a ghost

But as my mom yelled from another
Room make sure the garage is closed
When u leave, it came to me
And all I needed was a hose

So I laughed and said don't worry
Mom when I leave I promise
The garage will closed, I swear on my life, God I'm funny, so once I wrote

A rather humorous suicide note
That read: "See mom just like I said
When I swore on my life, the garage would closed Before I left"

I think she'll get a laugh from that,
I thought as one end of the hose
Was inserted into the tail pipe of the
Car id turn on once I closed

The garage, and inserted the other end in the window, and yes
I don't recommend giving up like me but for me I guess

Saying Goodbye cruel world let's
Me escape depression and stress
So the broken heart in my chest
Finally gets much needed rest

But did I die with success
So I can say: yes: I finally did
succeed, at something, but if so
Dummy I wouldn't be writing u this

If I could only write one more  
poem Knowing I'd die
The second it was complete
What would I write

To represent my life,
And be relative to my peers
But also to anyone reading
After thousands of years

Would I try too hard to be poetic
While trying to say goodbye
Or would my poem be full of Regret
as I'm faced with wasted time

Would I be Erratic and confused
Or will it all be in perspective
Would the ink run from the tears
I release as they leak ejected

Would I leave a letter to my son
His mother or my parents
Would I do a good enough job
Making my heart look transparent

So u could see the capacity of Love
that it held
And how I leave behind no hatred
Even my enemies I wish well

But if I only had one poem to say
What I had to then I think
My hand would move instinctively
So fast it would be done once I blink

Cause my emotion under pressure Of knowing
these were my last words
I know my skill would help spill
the poetics that fill the depth of my blurb

As my stomach starts to stir
And I sweat as I'm sure
I will be gone after that poem so on
I go strong with rattled nerves

I'd let all those that I loved Know
that I never ever stopped
I'd let it be known that all the wrong done
To me is forgiven even if I'm not

I'd express my guilts, my desires
The shame of not doing better
We as humans are suppose to leave Earth
no worse than when severed

From the womb and I live forever
Through the words of my last poem
And they r priceless the only thing im allowed
to take wit me that I own

Lastly I'd encourage those left Behind
who still have time
Not to waste another second
cuz The strongest weapon designed

in existence is free will so
have The will to still stay free
Not held back by the unimportant Things
and go do what u will see

Was not as crazy as it sounded
Because No dream ever is
But what's crazy is not seizing
The day now given and miss

The opportunity so live life
like kids carefree and if you dare
than live life like kids who don't question if they
can dance... they just dance and if u stare

who cares it dont bug them at all
cuz Self consciousness is developed
Once we're poisoned by the same Outlets
than plan to give us insecurity to sell us  

Vanity and pills, cheap thrills,like it helps us
so I hope You will try to stay above it
Don't hate what makes u great or different
u should embrace it& ****** love it

And as the pit of my stomach
Starts to turn I now know
That I've said Everything I needed to before
I'm dead so now i go

so remember to love wildly and recklessly
and After a broken heart do it again!
Cuz itll be too late if u wait
til
    u
        can only write one
                                   last poem
                                                   ...the end...

If I die after this poem

If this was my last poem
Would I get nostalgic about home
Would I deny having to say goodbye
As shock leaves me unable to own

The knowledge of the truth, would
I acknowledge my wasted youth
Will I leave the world behind me any better than I came,did I even do

Anything g worth the space I used
Or am I just
At best left as an example to the rest
Of how not to rust

And become unable to be useful
Unable to have purpose
I never expected to be perfect but with the thought of being worthless

I'm left with disgust from lust
And every good thing I've ****** up
The times I was unreasonable, lazy
Petty, confrontational or the trust

I misused, betrayed, mistakes made
And the Opportunity that meant so
Lil that I didnt question its acquittal
So the riddle is why my potential

Was so obviously expendable
Why was I such a disinterested kid
When did I start to ignore wanting
More, when did I accept all I did

And if this was my last poem I think
Id be overwhelmingly disappointed
I think it's time for a reflection, hey
*******?! Do I need an appointment

Have your ppl call my ppl and have them set up a lunch
At a corner table and hopefully I'm able to find a cap that says "dunce"

Cause u done capped the dunce cap
Capacity and with it
You have totally proved that as far as being a fool goes the sky is the limit

Too late now to be timid
Let's open your past and relive it
Gave away a baby for adoption
And often fail sobrietys trail so if it

Isn't your addiction then it's the
Damage preventing healthy livin
even Stevie wonder needs no vision to see your overweight restrictin'

Your future position like a collision
Is what you aspire to
Maybe it's the way they wires you
Why did you have no desire to

Improve or move toward anything
But drugs or
Some-kind of indulging it's revolting
And insulting more

to life's gift, as it sits unused like
It was something that proved
Unworthy of your nurturing so you
Go murdering it with misuse

Negligence that induced abuse
Leaving the bruise clear to see
So you better remember this letter
And what entered to center these

Issues that epiphany issues you
And hits you to make sure u listen to
The prognostic foreshadowing topic
As if a second chance is given to

Be merciful to how un-personable  
And ignorant you are
As if your so useless and stupid it
Would be unfair to not give u par

For 50 strokes, handicap to the joke
And your probably on dope
Or too stupid and slow too see just how insulting that really is although

I hope you don't miss all the implications left here and switch
From the fat balloon shaped ape brain baboon like Bafoon to it's

Evolved form.. Whatever that is
Brain of **** to something with
More IQ to help by leaving you to
match a Popsicles Witt

And lastly I'll give a view to conclude saying if this is the last before u died
than the most poetic thing about this
Poem would be the irony it provides

My patience is exasperated
So negative connotations
Are analytical advice, on a diagram of ******
for life as AnNotation

Used as emphatic confirmation
That my formations deformed,
so be warned, you won't be warmed
by hearing I've conformed

To be socially reborn or Reformed
no Solubility just scorn
Death of Altruism not reborn
My attempt to succeed is Forlorn

****** without pleasure like ****
With an actress who's *****
Unable to reject the amorous nature
Of the advancement taking place

Only to try to post placate
But u can't humorously play hate
That's like calling *******
a play date, and tho karma may take

Action a day late
It'll subtract your pay rate
And I try to listen when they say wait
Otherwise I Trade faith

For fortune so pray fate
Has Infallibility and acts
With revenge and intends to ignore
Its Sanctification on your behalf

But without assured Omniscience
Or Predestination I'm left
Wit bitter taste from various Mongrels
so nefarious I wish for death

Developing an Aversion to breath
A Discrepancy now remains
Some say lifes a gift and it contradicts
when I say it's inhumane

A reality based on haste purgatory
Where narcissists splurge on glory
And act like a real life purging story
living to fill their urge for gory

Temptations and never hoarding
Desires to control with moderations
like earths resource no Conservation
But this is just my Observation

Or maybe there's no correlation
and I just **** a curation
Maybe my pessimisms Pervasion
Has damaged me for the duration

Of life never to vacation
From my imprisoned state
So internally conflicted I'm eternally
Restricted to unsolicited hate

This is not for substance
Depth, not pragmatic at all
emotional ******* when mentally I'm Lance Armstrong, wit blue ball

But wit *****,I mean thoughts, as I Tom Cruz through life, so an apology
Id owe myself if not against my policy
Cuz "I'm sorry" like Scientology

Don't make sense so astrology
Can try to map out my stars
I just hope Lady Luck shows up Before Chris brown, and she sees stars

What can I say, I can really charm
Like lucky charms I march mellow
I like girls who still say&count; their chubby bunnys...no marsh mellows

If I lost u there ....just mellow
like yellow,pop songs whorin out hello
So of course forced ******* lately seems endorsed ...pudding pop, jello

Can't be trusted bad enough kids aren't safe anywhere ...gone
I even over react at subway when my sons asked if he wants a foot long

I already know this is foolish
But the rule is ...the real fool is
Those schooled by the useless
at least I know I'm stupid

Taking it out of context, no contest
Your honor....Honest
That was the first time I promise
I hardly ever try to hit on prom kids

Wit tight grips to poke a Bonnet
Off the bun from poccohontis
When findin the island of *****
Oops "He Broke her *******"

That blood soaks on a sausage
....Just another day at the office
Where we process the obnoxious
til the world is my Hospice

A no knowledge college for knowledge to abolish the need
To be correct politically&bree;;
seeds Thatll bleed to succeed

Sp our goal, of bringing awareness
To the shortages pendin
As extinction of bent bananas grow
Straight, it's time to help bendin

bananas, but whats bananas is
ignoring real issues latched
To Muslim hate talks,instigated
Infiltrated so u won't go snap

When they send more of our kids to war, so if u hate, like they ask
When propaganda props the jenga, NVM...wait..look! Kim kardashian ***

That needs a cardigan...plaid
"Drugs drugs drugs! which are bad"
Ask your mom who made u at prom
Or ask your alcoholic abusive dad

Who thinks Itampons a small iPad
Where Dark and red bleeds
quoted Moses"a wifes rags a bonus, So like me  "part the Red Sea"

Will need are secure like cures
the government assures us do not
Really Exist like seniors ****, that
firmly sits, and not hip drop

implying the governments got
secrets but dont ask me ****
Cause wit metaphors, I'm never sure  
Maybe the govt has saggy ****

Some dictions descriptions givin has restriction or depiction's
equivocal, so ones vision of religion
Is another's flashback circumcision  

To an unforgiven rabbis hasty snip
No one Asked "may we strip"
The turtle neck ******* on your slim
priest teasing baby ****

But written permission maybe fit
When a baby's **** and crazy ****
Is so uncivil to fiddle and whittle the little middle, above my skittles it sits

And the initial riddle is, riddle this
What Is sprinkled with ****
And Often tinkles to spit ..
Full of wrinkles, it tickles... The hint?

If she swallowed and followed the
nutrients that hallows out ....
Ud still have wrinkles but it helps to single out,who's single⁢'s about

Time2see my psychologist who yells I need help...(yells) I need help!"
She said her head, lead her to bed
And said her brains dead &melts;

And to blame for her frame of mind
Is the frame of mine, it's the kind
That very rarely has thoughts that carry any logic&scare;; me but I'm

Just daring and not caring but im
sharing the mind of jerry
Where clowns fill towns with slide whistle sounds&priests; that marry

Donald trump And Carrie
Whos news was very scary
as Carrie had to carry a Kanye west hilter hybrid and Arbitrary

Is how arbitrary and arm pit hair be
Armed with hairy Italian yarn
That they wear as bare, but armed
Is bare **** arms that like bear arms

Bears a bears hair where arms
Are usually bare but bears harmed
Is how the thick hair I wear, where it's layered, but not the ****

Hair that impairs where my palms  
Look like they grow two beards
But it's not like i would blow deers
maybe Bambi...who knows were

Not gettin hypothetical to go near
How endearing a dear is it's queer as for my hairy palms I wrote them
Ahem, Dear palms: be calm I'm here

And I'm so sorry u resemble the
Essential pieces that are detrimental
For trump hair that trump wears but
His is authentic ******* Assembled

By the youngest child laborer, paid
less than the condoms for rapin her
So embezzle on levels of unethical
Devils black *** ...and kettle...sure

Let's move on to...Ernie, hey it's Bert
I don't discriminate
Support abortion, or the portion
supportin orphans who's cure

Is particular and par with a ****
Who's testicular inhibitors
Make him a prematurely Shirley
So surely he's early in visitors

So to recap the crap hid in were
Child labour jokes great!
Abortion, psychotic neurotic topics
******* that'll fill in ya, all the hate

Oh wait wait wait...Can't forget ****
Or what I call a bill Cosby date
Afternoon delight? You'll sleep past moon and right to the drowsy awake

State... Wait.. are u a ****? Great!
I never ***** one of those
That's enough Cosby dialogue
It's dyin off, so I'm signin off vogue

Strike a pose, like a ****** my
***** bled all up my skirt in
My ****** like I was al bundy,
****** as a ted bundy surgeon

So uncomfortable like twerkin
When you see 12 yr old butts
That makes me want to be free of
tv, but it makes r Kelly want to ***

So go hug or **** a tree
He'll, **** two, have a treesome
this abuse of my speechs freedom
Must stand alone cause these dumb

Words.. This world.. needs none
cheeses of diseases...egregious,
The weedless, read this,&say; Jesus
Is he nuts? It's Needless,

deep pits, of pre-mixed, ***-*****
Three ****... Please fix
demons *****, from a **** bleedin
Fresh out yeast infected sheep *****

Where we sit&read; this,
praise Jesus Allah and people
Cause were all just quirky, evil
Good, obnoxious naive deceitful

******* with **** smells that equal
Even if not the same
We all bleed, breed and feel pain
And love a good line of *******

No wait , ****, sometimes my brain
Can't contain the stupid
Do models use the same fingers to ******* that use to puke wit?

I know.... I'm ****** useless
An abused ego bruised nuisance
Like **** pics sent to fit chicks
When they want rich pics, so do this

Take pics of a receipt that u slip
From the machine you use, if
You really wanna know, if they'll
Blow whats in the pic u send, do it

Cause she'll blow all that u fit
In the pic u send her I'm sure
And if your still reading this,
Im meanin this,u need help..a cure

Mental stability, tranquility, and
The ability, to stop the instability
Convoluted, polluted, and stupid
Literature, it can cause infertility

And psychotic, psychosomatic,
Psychosis, voodoo and neurosis
poetry roaches Eye halitosis,
To erode the road wit your soul if

You ****-inue, reading soulless
Ambivalence, so belligerent
That insolence so Insignificant
Is magnificent,

A Malignant indignant, piglet, in a
predicament, that approaches
As I ******* my immaculate *****
So swallow this osmosis

insufficient like what I've written  or Tuberculosis, and oh ****!
The oppositions mission is fixing
The risen conditions, to position

***** induced, goblin puke
Gobblin through, all of the usual
Til I'm suitable for cubicles made of pharmaceuticals ...indubitable

Now I'm awful like waffles, made in a
bra full, of a mucus' nostril
putrid puke with stomach fluids,, a used ****** u chew in brothel

It's a cross between a re-run
Of *******'delinquence&bee; dung
Don't think Im gd ppls than be one

And my wise parting words
Are not the rise of farting nerds
Or pretentious self righteousness
Of those dry and artsy jerks

There's a picture of a family, on the wall in a frame....
Maybe it's your family...
Maybe it's mine..
but if you hang a family on the wall for long periods...
Over time ... Slowly
the picture tilts... Little by little.... Years go by and ...
The pictures crooked...
cause wear and tear will do that to a family.... Or the portrait....
Do we take the picture off the wall??.... And replace it....?
Or do we accept it...
Cause the memory is worth the history involved and reminiscent of a love
that once was not crooked....
There's a picture on the wall in a frame....
Maybe it's your family...
Maybe it's mine..
Maybe it's u and ur best friend...
Maybe the one u love.........
There's a picture on the wall in a frame....
Maybe it's your family...
Maybe it's mine..

Don’t try to fit in,
in fact, try to be more odd
If you don’t see bereavements
as achievements
it’s your view that’s flawed

which explains why I see motivation where you see peasants
Why you see failure not experience,
Or a curse where I see a present

It’s all in attitude, your approach
how you perceive progression
You see scars, I see trophies, you see mistakes I see lessons,

You say life’s hell, I see heaven
They say reality is perception
that’s why Wasted time and money
look identical to a good investment

So when I see hard work pay off
You’ll just see it as luck and scoff
which I see as inspiration for you
but all you see is a loss

all you see is where you are, so where you could be is robbed
But if you can’t see achievement in bereavements it’s your view thats flawed

if you can’t see trophies not scars
Or lessons and not mistakes
then you’ll never get why I see u ****** yourself, where u swear your bein  *****

I shower but stil I
Feel so *****
I've accomplished nothing
and I'm almost 30

Lost in panic and worry
Not worthy of much
And depression has left
Me so out of touch

With happiness and love
That I envy in others
And i hate family if
We're all sister and brother

Not even my mother
Can stand what I have
Become as I run from
Problems I never had

Making no sense of it
As it don't comply
With logics realm but still
Is real if my cries

Are a result tasting salt
Roll to my lip
Wanting to **** eve and
Give back Adam his rib

I wanna **** Romeo and
Juliette So they can forever
Be together and maybe
Ill be ****** up forever

Finding how clever
I can be with the new ways
I creatively find to
**** up everyday

Like innovation was
Making tragedy easier
Til the miracle constructed
Was What dinosaurs in a meteor

Saw when extinction
Broke the prison of birth
Like I hope soon will
Happen to humans on earth

And sickening it maybe
So hate me like those
Who know me have slowly
And heaven only will know

What heaven holds
Cause I never will so
Why bother keeping high
Hopes when I know

Life is what happens
When ur busy making Plans
And no shower can clean
dirt collected by man

In this world of quicksand
That hands me a promise
That I will be pulled under
Never to get what is wanted

So I give up and give in
On anything I dream
Cause hope is like dope
It brings the belief

That all is ok when it's
Not and never has been
So intoxication and
Desperation is all that's seen

And disgusting it is
But definitive it stands
So hideous I pity this
insidious to man

What idiots would plan
While causing destruction
Self calamity so damaging
It's ravaging til nothing

Is left but the memory's
We share of what was
Life granted on a planet
We Managed to **** up

Cause Where a beautiful tender
Smiling little girl
So pretty will grow into
A deceptive **** cause the world

Can make an innocent
boy so happy to become
A ****** who hate this
World where he's from

And that is just one
Or two ways how
This sick ****** up hell
Can bring the greyest clouds

Over the beauty to
Rain on a ******* parade
Of purity's perfections
So celebrations were made

a funeral where layed
Is all our hopes dreamed
All the visions of playing
Children who's laughter seems

To change into cries
And sad questions of why
That are rhetorical it's
Horrible but still we deny

The Steps to collect
And connect the depth
Cause the love we kept
In our hearts all that's left

To ***** and correct
What we need to accept
Or victims of our own
demons well be in regret......

News Feed

Knowledgehater Gonzalez
July 30, 2012 ·
Promises....
I hold u and wonder what
You'll be like when ur old
I can only promise u won't
Go hungry unloved or cold

But I can't promise ur life
Will not have pain or sorrow
But my blood, my liver, or bone
Marrow are all urs to borrow

Lol or keep but I can't promise
Ull feel accepted by peers
Can't promise u happiness
Or that u won't cry tears

I can promise to never
Steal a girl from u
But I can't promise what actions that
Other humans will do

I can promise to leave u money
My assets my ear and shoulder
But I can't promise to teach u much
But the basics when ur older

I can promise to clothe u
Or support u in ur arts
But I can't protect u from betrayal
Or a painful broken heart

I can give u all I have
And teach u all I know
But I don't have all the answers
To questions as u grow

I can't promise we won't fight
Or that u won't hear me cuss too
But I can promise that with all my heart
That I will always love u

I can promise to guide u the best
Way I know how to do
can u accept knowing i dont have to
understand u to love u

I can't promise that the boogeyman
In a way doesn't exist
But I can promise wutever demon
Haunts u, I will help u resist

I can't promise not to
Border being hypocritical to u
But it's only because I have seen what
A life of indulging can do

So I promise that I wont always tell
U wut u wanna hear
But I promise to only give my
Opinion then back off as u steer

Wutever u choose even if
It's not my favorite or i feel its not best
i will still support u if u want *******
to hold tight ur dress

cuz if that's wut u truly want
I will love u all the same
Cause ur my son no matter what u
Do or who it is u became

I promise to respect and remain
The friendship we grow to have
Just promise me you'll sympathize
when im strict ur all that i have

if u need someone to talk to
dont think u cant tell me ur sins
cause my love for u never ends like
a circle so dont keep me from things

in your life so i can help cuz
U were the one who saved my life
If ur life was an event on Facebook
I'd hit going! Comment and "like"

see how much I love u tyke?
so much I'd use a cheesy example to
Explain myself, cause looking dumb
Means nothing if it's for u

Cause I'll be the next John Q
I'd do whatever it takes
Cause that I can promise
But some things are not made

For me to be in control of and some
things are out of ur control too
But for what I can't promise I can
Promise I'll be there for u through

The pain it will bring,
And when my opera fat lady sings
I will die happy knowing I got to
Experience the most greatest thing

Which is being ur father
Cause it proved to all those that think
I wasn't capable of greatness
wrong Cause ur the greatest thing

I've ever done or I'll ever do
Next to being there for u
And I promise to do all I can do
If its possible to promise it to u

Promise to be honest with u
And to accept what I don't like
Cause in the end I'll love and support
Anything u chose to do in life

...I love u Juju

They thought the world was flat
And no one could say different
But what they " knew " turned out
Wrong so they actually didn't,

And I use this as a catalyst til
I question everything annoyed
Until I question my own sanity
Realizing I now look paranoid

But I know I'm not insane,
But taking into account
What I have already said than
I may belong locked up in a nut house

So now I find I question myself
Full of doubt until at last
I don't trust any decision i make
Based on Facts that may not b facts

Obsessed with knowing wut I lack
Which is everything I assume
Maybe I belong in a padded room
That I wont believe is a padded room

Leaving me frustrated and confused
And the only conclusion now left
Is everything is not what it is or
everything is wut it is to some effect

Unless its not, cuz then it's not
But then again maybe it is
So my parents get mad when I ask
if I'm adopted and go blood test my kid

Thinking all Facebook is
Is a social network but what if
It was designed to be addictive and
harmless just to keep us on the grid

What if the chicken ***** really is
Made out of cats and kittens
So u think eating a cat is nasty
when maybe they r ****** delicious

But I would think it was chicken
So ill never know what I know
How can u know what u don't know
If u don't know what u know

Maybe a turtles so fast it's slow
Maybe ****** was a saint
Could u argue its not possible after
Seeing This whole picture I paint

And no I'm not saying history books
Are wrong, at least not tonight
I'm just saying my minds playing games
so may not believe its all right

And now I see why I just might
Be happy ignorant for the bliss
So my new goal is too try my hardest
to be ignorant as ****

Which some may say I already
Am, as to them that's what I show
But remember before u say I am
U better ****** question wut u know!

Lately I am quite bothered by an
Innocent comment from a friend
Who explained, how he only obtains
Pain, when he reads what my pen

Gets sent, from an end
my mom Says was damaged at birth
And all though it's a joke. I'm told
Every joke contains truth, so first

Let me warn you of the absurd
Outbursts that may occur as u read
Hyperboles, that fabricate trolls that
patrol, with holes in their soul, lead

With similes that prove chivalry
Has now shriveled like these
Two nuts, hidden by my gut so if I
erupt, and ****** proceeds

Excuse the poetic **** bleed;
That are like a *******'s **** beads
But it's how I express what's painfully painful to me, don't be **** please

With that said, so I can now tread.
And wrap my head around the topic
explaining, why all my poetry
is sad, and often

It's cuz life is a beach, like the tropics
And when it's not, to be honest
I get lost in the moment, but also
When I try to write "happy" it's novice

And is more narcissistic garbage
Self righteous, lacking meaning
Like.. Look Here... I'm happy & gay today, oh ur hungry? Cuz..I'm eating

And you should too! Oh your broke?
Your down? I get those days too
So here's a rainbows & a flying unicorn that ***** glitter when he poos

And Don't you worry my friend,
It's always darkest before ****
Everything happens for a reason,
Your grampas cancer will soon be gone

soon as he's dead, So it'll work out
By the way I used that example, cuz
My grandfather died of cancer a few years back, and I was told that it was

For a reason. But when your readin
You want honesty, poetry that's blunt
So I refuse to **** my reader, like a
Preacher, who touches a boys butts

But in a godly way of course, cuz he's a
Man of god... Are you annoyed?
Cuz that's what rainbows & butterflies sound like to a reading alter boy

Looking for solace, looking for depth
Someone who knows how inept
How lonely, this ****** phony world
That only the snakes seem to get

What they want, and flaunt,
so it can haunt them more,
But most don't get what they want cuz
theyre too busy just trying to afford

What they need, and when the Greed
Exceeds what optimism is left
All they have is knowing how sad.
Another felt, cuz relating has swept

Away the feeling, so hard to accept
When their overwhelming life crept
With emotion. Bringing the notion
He can't relate to people or connect

So both monetary & Mental pay
Starts to mount, as a debt
Shows amounts to physically mount him. Til he even feels short on breath

Starting to consider that only death
Can relieve whats received so yes
Forgive me if my writing lacks,
Calming oceans, possessing even less

Patronizing, condescension, set
On a scenic mountain top, where I
Tell u how beautiful, ur office cubical
That's suitable for monkeys is, why?

It's a lie, but ok...the sun will come our
Tomorrow like Annie would say
So when it comes Tell ur creditors who Harass you 200 times, a day

That today's a new day. And that debts
yesterdays, and should be left
In the past. Where they say, to leave
Worries, which is insulting, but yet

I AM the dark one, with poems lacking
Goldielocks featuring her poorage
Or Snow White who lives with 7 men? deflowered more than florist is

Deflowering, & who am I to question a phony psychedelic, enchanted Forrest
It's not my business who's Orifice
A draf is, usin like it's a drawer of his

Cuz dwarfism like Orphism's an art, Snow White users for organisms
No wait, that's not right. Anyway...  
Where was I? ..rightt? ***** division

So, fill up the tub with ice. Make sure
Your "patient"s subdued.. No wait
Ooops ... Guardian angels, playing harps, on a cloud feeding you grapes

As Sunshine, hits your face, with
Beautiful UV rays, but...My concern
Is how misleading, it is when reading
Cuz even a beautiful sun can burn

Telling sometimes ****** things in turn
Happen without any reason
Sometimes good people die & do You know why?cuz if not wed be heevens    

Even more so. Than we are so even
My Sad poems can bring you joy
As much as happy ones, do when a gay teen grows up, & no longer a boy

And faces the pressures of coming out, he can choose this, what is charmin' ya
Or continue to feel safer In ur fantasy
Poem of a closet ..... But Narnia

Doesn't exist. So I leave him this,
Along With the lost, emotional kids
To let em know every scar life gives
Is a trophy, earned, and the life we live

Is Not always rainbows, hugs, kiss
But that's why it's beautiful when it is
& every word stands in this
For every cut on angry teens wrist

To symbolize, he's not not alone.
Or That shes all she needs to be
And I'm sorry to the rest, but this ....
Is rainbows and butterflies to me ...

Guilt is a one way street
It’s as heavy as the cross he keeps
Chained to his neck
So it won’t leave him, not even
When death comes to collect

Ever since I could remember I been trying to dismember
This member I endeavor that seems to bond me to my mistakes forever
I will feel the butterflies where my stomachs gutters lies
the nerves causing bleeding ulcers to symbolize my gut implies

That my guilt can't be killed
its got a bagpipe and a kilt
A Plutonium powered monster guilt that turns profit til a church was built

And I know guilt in small doses only exposes what closes in the truth
And its noted but I know this

Would be loaded until I was bloated
And eventually it exploded,
Misogynistic? homophobic?
Maybe the bibles misquoted

And that's only a part, before we start on the hypocritically dark
Holy priests who's frozen heart
Let's him say homosexuality is stark

Sin, and then take part
Helping to alter a boys life
after his faltered toy of an alter boy substitutes for the wife

The church deprives him of despite The history, so Im left feeling low like a low life Grinning while I'm sinning, like Charlie winning til karma bites

My *** With spite, but when I speak to the light wanting to do right
My confessions of guilt woe were not only guilt full but blatantly willful

So when I confess my common told, sins, like common Colds
appetizers and often flow, almost comical, kept falling like dominoes

Or added as if it was an abocist
Counting&Accountin; each which are
causing an apology to sound bizarre that now folds like a house of cards

So I find myself in doubt surrounded
by myths in fables told
To give solace without knowledge,
facts or evolution,just how to scold

Bur I do not blame them.
I too have sought refuge in the eyes of a stranger.

But this place does not feel holy guilt
echoes and hangs from the walls, the choir voices, rejoices, but
Guilt whispers to the mass and calls

For them to empty their wallets in collection baskets for sin
&fre;; the incarceration built by guilt
to fester like tumors under the skin

Like a disease of brainwash passed down for generations
since the dawn of mankind.

I do not know what forgiveness is
But I know it is not to be found in the book from which he is reading.

There is nothing sacred here
Every belief that climbs the rafters is tainted.....
Even the windows are stained.

And I swear one day
I will crawl under these floor boards
And dig a hole as deep as my guilt
And bury myself alive.

It's not enough to complain
It's not enough to feel shame
It's not enough to give up after
U fail. It's not enough to go blame

The neighborhood u grew in
Or the ppl u were around
No excuse is enough to justify
So u can just deny knowing how

To succeed and exceed what u
perceive in your dreams
It's not enough to just proceed if u
bleed for what u believe by all means

It's not enough to try, give up and Cry
while u surrender and accept this
Cuz hardheaded and stubborn
when positive, is called relentless

So address this where your address is
and if u find no way
There's a huge world out there,
so learn while u search and maybe one day

Ill see u on the other side
Where no one ******* or complains
Where no one is slowed by
Failure or fear cuz they're driven by pain

Where u don't even need a brain
Just passion and will
Cause if your still ****** breathing
Than be believing u have a chance still

And I write this not only to ****
The doubt that poisons ur mind
But while stressin im confessin
Ill admit this is to **** mine

Cuz we all get weak at times
Where we actually consider
birthing a child of regret while bitter
And becoming its full time babysitter

Conceived with life thatll ***** you
Without any protection
And even those who oppose abortion
Would see this as the exception

Just make sure u never let them
C- section your heart
Keep fighting back, cuz keeping Faith
when life falls apart is nothing short of an art

It can be beautiful but dark
It can be abstract and expensive
And remember stubborn and hard headed
when positive is called relentless

It's not enough to complain
It's not enough to feel shame
It's not enough to give up after
U fail. It's not enough to go blame

The neighborhood u grew in
Or the ppl u were around
No excuse is enough to justify
So u can just deny knowing how

so if you need to work
3 jobs, while u scratch and claw
your way to whatever dream thay lay
awaiting you to sink teeth and lock ur jaw

break your enemy and the law
create a strength with ur flaw
like having deadly aids and using it
to **** ur enemy by sleeping with his wife or dog

whatever it takes do the job
be stubborn and never listen
to the dreamkilling dream-***** blockers
who want u to fail so u can be kissin

the same *** they kiss, dont miss ur chance
dont over think
take what u want like bill cosby does after
making a woman a drink

cuz To succeed and exceed what u perceive
in your dreams, and become
a man than if u have to bleed for what u believe
then by all means cuz success ends

when your sacrifices do, so dont give up and
Cry while u surrender if not, pains expected
be hardheaded and stubborn cause its a positive,
thing in this case but differently name as relentless

So address this where your address is
and if u find no way theres a huge world
out there, so keep learning and maybe one day

Ill see u on the other side
Where no one ******* or complains
Where no one is slowed by
Failure or fear cuz they're all driven by pain

Where u don't even need a brain
Just passion and will
Cause if your still ****** breathing
Than be believing u have a chance still

And I write this not only to ****
The doubt that poisons ur mind
But while stressin im confessin
Ill admit this is also to **** mine

Cuz we all get weak at times
Where we actually consider
birthing a child of regret while bitter
And become its new mom, no babysitter

Conceived with life who will *** u
Without any protection
And even those who oppose abortion
Would see this as the exception

Just make sure u never let them
C- section out your heart
Keep fighting back, cuz kept Faith when life falls apart
is nothing short of an art

It can be beautiful but dark
It can abstract and expensive
And remember stubborn and hard headed when positive
is called relentless

Hope I never let u down
Being a dad is tough
Well, not ..tough but hectic
Never feeling u have enough

But I guess if there's love
As cheesy as it sounds
Food and shelter theres no
Reason to frown

But I can't help questioning
Every decision I make
Now considering my son
B4 every step I take

And living on selfish impulse
And all life's temptations
Has made this new change
So hard to just take in

But I still strive to make em
And better myself cause we
Must better our situation
And the better I am the better hell be

But I can't help but think my peak
Still may not be suffice
If I want to give my son the
Best opportunities in life

So Plz know juju if u ever
Read this one day
That I did my best and even
That isn't enuf u could say

For me but for u
I hope u can say it is
And there is no greater
Love in ur life than that of ur kid

So as I go on, I do my best
And second guess my acts
But unconditional love I do not
Cause I got a lot of that....

Love u juju... So much...

Not in the mood to be serious,
I'm serious about that..tho..geez
I guess we have to be what we
Don't wanna be like wannabes

I may have a disease
That isn't a disease yet
So they'll name having brain
damage With no brain damage  I bet

After me, cause my condition
Is this affliction, in addition
Ive lost my sense of Volition,
i need a placebo prescription

Which is how they treat symptoms
Of depression and god only knows
What else where's dr House to help me out?
I'm also sick with growth

Without the growing up,I'm
Going nuts or am I there?
And I guess if unfair is fair
In life then I'm exactly where

I'm suppose to b but exactly where
That is... I don't know
I feel like I dropped my uppers
And downers and have no

Clue which pill is which, cuz I
Can't tell up from down
I didn't need clown college at
All I am a self taught clown

Wearing a Burger King crown
In a hospital gown
I need a human lost and found
Cause I'm lost but I found

Myself being lost
so am I found Or not
I'm starting to feel exhausted
From all this intellectual thought

That's habitual so I'm not
Thinking straight at all
No wonder I'm driving crooked
And when ppl call

U can ignore it but important
Is knowing if u dare
Try that with nature ull understand
Why I just changed my underwear

I need to repair my impaired
Brain functions I'm scared
I feel confused and weird like I
Shared my **** pipe with the mayor

Or ex mayor but expect there
To still replace him with a new
Incompetent with a  conglomerate
System so if rob ford in truth

Was high what's the others
excuse But I don't really care
Cuz u can't pick a ***** if its
All **** so ill just skip aware

That I can't complain or dare
Want change and that is fine
We're kept so in the dark that we
All vote def dumb and blind

Cuz who knows which **** hides
A secret agenda, well in truth
They all have plans but some are
Not as destructive so you

Never know but I know abuse
Is a temptation coming with power
And no man in power is ever
Clean I mean I wouldn't be so sour

I'm not but look at the twin towers
That's what power can do
It's too complicated I rather be
Jaded and throw dead pigs just too

Fuvk with the ppl who say
"Not til pigs fly, will I" and you
Probably would call that Crazy
But I call it swine flu

Where are u? I can't find you?
But I keep calling your name
Which ended up being my own
Name which isn't as insane

If u thought like me, but a monopoly
On crazy town property is mine
So for now you'll have to setts
With normalcy and define

Things as crazy or not crazy
But to me it's not that way
Cause the truly coo coo are the
Ones too quick to label insane

As if to make them feel sane
But thoughts are the same
In the sense that we all view something
and instinct detains

Our response to a situation
With consideration of morals
Ethics, etiquette and if they
Have a false sense of bein immortal

Making our decisions a portal
To the world as we see it
Which proves that we can be on
Different planets and still be seated

Next to each other Jesus
Id say That was brilliant if you
Asked me but if u don't ask me
I'd be, like....pshh..? Who asked you?

So in conclusion I conclude
With ....nothing at all
I am no more enlightened than I
Was before I wrote this so we all

Can agree I just wasted your
Time and some of mine
But a hen in the hand is worth two
In the bush or something that finds

Better suited to this foolish
Diluted convoluted and stupid poem
plz excuse it as it comes straight from my  
haunted house of a dome

where fuses are likely blown
Which is why I don't know
Why my parents say the lights
Are on but nobody's home

I guess it's a figure of speech
I want to make figures with speech
But I can't even fix my figure I'm weak,
so I may wither while Greek

Is how the world speaks to my
*** dont get that? Let it pass
And it's time I end this poem of
Literary genius sprinkled with class

Live well and prosper. Or live in
Self created garbage like Oscar
Quote 4 IQ:a doctor,then 4strength
a boxer,&end; with ...Jodie foster

P.s.
A witty quote from a philosopher
Or Maybe even an author
So u end the poem soundin smart &
Strong then run off like a robber

Self destruction imploded,
explosive is the emotion, when corrupt and tainted,
and salvation is stagnant, dismembered and disassembled,
as it resembles a black heart that relinquishes it's broken wings,
and surrenders to complication in frustration...
A device used that's suffice to sacrifice what temptation,
made sacrilegious, a viscous disease plagued by the relic feelings that are negative prognosticators bringing induced nostalgia
that only comforts til the attachments make it arbitrary.
It's a condition that foreshadows eminent manifestations
that makes justification unequivocal, so indestructible is my problematic depression,
my depression that im stressing is what causes my stressing,
only stretching once pressing so im guessing
that self destruction is a blessing as im confessing that my lifes abusive like im a possession
and thats when i question my suicidal state
and why i wait, causing my seld destructive ways to mutates into a plutonium powered, steroid fuelled monster
that contributes to the inadequate feeling projected in my low self-esteem filled consciousness ...
until the residual given the variables is nothing short of pathetic,...
An astronomical spectrum of failure,
tears and insecurities that resonate to perpetuate the amplified undeniable confinement that nihilism builds....
Irreparable, so I reprehend reputation and release stigma,
but alas reach to accept what I cannot change,
changing the things I can and staying perplexed in differentiating.
The only respite I have is the lethargic hope that I will be terminated immediately,
til then redundant is the regretful feeling resulting in me halting
living vicariously through dead individuals visual
but your imagination cant comprehend it,
as it is declared gratuitous with the exemption of acting as a wrecking-ball to shatter my scattered and battered dreams
as demolition makes extinct the instinct to continue my pursuit for happiness that my gps can't seem to locate for a destination point,
so implicated is the uncomplicated conclusion that most concur as apt.
I contemplate collision to refute, but refuge I seek leaves me like the head of a seek, wrapped in a turban of the tangled web of lies I weave in a post freedom epiphany
that dictates to fall in line and pay taxes,
which contradicts freedoms theory and questions it as if to challege a democracy our hypocrisy sold out,
so before I implode as an introvert would,
I say as an extrovert to divert and dodge the bomb
made of self pollution society helped bond to my suicidal notion to instigate what is now destiny,
... Stand back...take cover...TNT + me = my carefully calculated subconscious desire...
Calamity that brings Armageddon ...boom!!!
As I yell goodbye before the dramatic, and traumatic ******...
brains blood and guts erupt, to help conduct
and orchestrate the witnesses who are now throwing up

constructed mentally, Over time
by our subconscious an imitation
as a defense mechanism built a prison on our visions, with Limitations  

in hopes failure can bring solace avoided is feeling voided
but so is opportunity,
So what good is impunity
if u have no ...immunity

To ******* preventing annuity
Internally u need unity
Cause self doubt can help hold u back when nothing else did so stupidly

U let the biased opinions
poison ur community
a hard lesson To learn when that lessons ur only gratuity

But how can u think Intuitively
When presented with all the theories
The factored potential risk, variables
And that's why I always fear me

Before my enemies or my obstacle
Cause if I'm not mentally stable
I won't be mentally able
And then eventually ill be hateful

Cuz essentially the playful
And light hearted always go
A little further, cuz his approach
And most self confidence shows

That even if he fails, he knows
Hell bounce back brilliantly
its not how many times u Fall,
but if u keep gettin up: Resiliency!

While at the same time learning humility and building these characteristics are prognosticators and measure predictions and see

When u wish on a star, that's me,
Go twinkle twinkle, &don;'t let them
****** ****** all over ur dreams and that includes you, who like them

Self sabotage  when ur self doubt
Comes out psyching ourselves out
Only after discovering someone else
Who made u second guess what u felt

So go in front of a mirror and peer
What appears when u get naked
Your ***** Now that u know u still have em
Take a mental picture and save it


Use the ****, to take life and **** it
break it, then erase it
Cause nothing can be written
About a destiny you didn't make yet

You act to manifest it
Don't eat their ******* reject it
If u already did dont digest it
Throw it up like a bulimic or anorexic

Supermodel.....how rude! Point is
Like H u need preparation fast
So u can get rich enough to payoff
Closeted Skeletons from the past

In a dark corner I sit in a ball
arms holding my knees to my chest
Trying to digest the stress I feel pressed against my neck
Like it wants me not to breathe
Not even sure of what to believe
What are my beliefs
And is it all just a placebo relief from whatever grief until we can find our next piece of happiness
Or is this as good as it gets
Left with the memories that are
Suppose to comfort me
Instead they remind me of what I lost
All i see is the loss and the cost of taking it for granted
So now I pay in regret for wut I don't have left while I try to collect all the
Pieces to correct a shattered life
That lost respect
Both mine and those around me but surround me as if to drown me by
Pounding my made mistakes in my
Face like the stake to a vampires heart
My only residule is this art that
I was never smart enough to use
Properly
but it is my only property
And All my life has to offer me
And so I offer these to you
In hopes that once it's spoke
I can say it wasn't all for nothing
That my heart was broke
That my spirit was gone
That my soul was *****
That those that depended on me
Remain hungry and thirsty
And onthe end I warn u if u wish for life not to scourn you
Don't be like me and let ur insecurities pour through
Don't feel sorry for urself oh poor u
Cause u can't afford to
So I implore u and inform u
That poisonous is self doubt
Or bath in ur own tears smelling like
Failure and no one can help
Take it from me a man who
Couldn't learn to believe In himself......

I give my life to this poem
I give my soul to the words within
My emotion lives like an ocean
As its body of water that lives

And breathes like a sea full
Of tears of joy
Mixed with the tears of the
Lonely or lost now annoyed

I give my time and my all
No matter big in size or small
Sometimes a message doesn't
Need even 1 paragraph at all

I pledge to rise and then fall
Within these lines and not
Within the lines that confines
My mind until the line is crossed

I sacrifice myself as the cost
If it means others proceed
Cuz no matter how amazing u are
U gotta hope to inspire a breed

That will be better and supersede
Like our seeds were super
I wanna move u, and move more
Than a 9-5 career mover

It's a passion without ration
As it tends to limit length
Distance freedom of speech
And all that's meant to have strength

So I'm satisfied if I end
No richer but still liberation
Comes from the power held
When u expel true inspiration

Literary diarrhea no constipation
Feelings r condensation cuz
If its hot or cold enough it
Creates its own reaction with buzz

So I give all I am and ever was
To these sentences that express
The faith and hope I possess
Praying it has some effect

I give my blood my sweat
My experiences, my fears
So that it eases the next person
U thought they were alone here

I give myself to this poem
and leave it for those who need to
find courage, strength or hope and to
provide warmth as lifes cold winds blew

I give myself to this poem
so it can give me to you
And if I'm lucky u will carry a
Piece of it along wit u too

So I give myself to this poem
so it can give me to you .....
and i will live on as pieces of each
person i touched and got through to...

You make it so hard to talk
about serious issues
I never meant to be a
Reason tears hit tissues
It's a tough situation we
Now find ourselves in
And I got no instruction Manual
that tells me if
My next move is right
Chances are its wrong
I want to believe our love
Was way to strong
To be beat by what's at our feet
But maybe it's not
I can only be what I am
And im sorry for all I'm not
My stomachs all in knots
I wanna make the choices
That stop or prevent
our angered, raised voices
But resentment poises
And stands opposed
But when I communicate
U act like case is closed
If I were to give u a rose
It would be the wrong color
I do one thing and it seems
I should have done another
Constantly criticizing me
Telling me what's gotta change
When I've changed enough
Things and yet it's the same
Nothing's ever good enough
You always find a way
To make me feel like I'm the
Problem somethng new everyday
And I just can't alter Everything
that makes me, me
I've never asked u to change who
Your were or ur beliefs
So why should I, and when
Did u start to hate
EVERYTHNG I am like I'm
Gods biggest mistake
I've only ever wanted the best
For you and me but
I have compromised things
And tried to clean myself up
And be better like u asked but
Funny and hurtful thing is
I never asked or demanded u
To ever change ****
Now I feel less loved and
More judged as if I
Am competing when I am
Already the best guy
To ever be in ur life or hey
Maybe I'm wrong, my mistake
So now I win the "biggest loser"
Without a decline in my weight
I won't top that line ...
So that must mean its the end
I'm sorry I did my best ill
Always love u bye , best friend
Soulmate lover, ull always
Be on my over active mind
Are we going seperate ways or
Is someone getting left behind.....?
it's like we're falling apart
And maybe it's goodbye this time
Are we going seperate ways
Or is someone getting left behind?....

Not in the mood to be serious,
I'm serious about that..tho..geez
I guess we have to be what we
Don't wanna be like wannabes

I may have a disease
That isn't a disease yet
So they'll name having brain
damage With no brain damage  I bet

After me, cause my condition
Is this affliction, in addition
Ive lost my sense of Volition,
i need a placebo prescription

Which is how they treat symptoms
Of depression and god only knows
What else where's dr House to help me out?
I'm also sick with growth

Without the growing up,I'm
Going nuts or am I there?
And I guess if unfair is fair
In life then I'm exactly where

I'm suppose to b but exactly where
That is... I don't know
I feel like I dropped my uppers
And downers and have no

Clue which pill is which, cuz I
Can't tell up from down
I didn't need clown college at
All I am a self taught clown

Wearing a Burger King crown
In a hospital gown
I need a human lost and found
Cause I'm lost but I found

Myself being lost
so am I found Or not
I'm starting to feel exhausted
From all this intellectual thought

That's habitual so I'm not
Thinking straight at all
No wonder I'm driving crooked
And when ppl call

U can ignore it but important
Is knowing if u dare
Try that with nature ull understand
Why I just changed my underwear

I need to repair my impaired
Brain functions I'm scared
I feel confused and weird like I
Shared my **** pipe with the mayor

Or ex mayor but expect there
To still replace him with a new
Incompetent with a  conglomerate
System so if rob ford in truth

Was high what's the others
excuse But I don't really care
Cuz u can't pick a ***** if its
All **** so ill just skip aware

That I can't complain or dare
Want change and that is fine
We're kept so in the dark that we
All vote def dumb and blind

Cuz who knows which **** hides
A secret agenda, well in truth
They all have plans but some are
Not as destructive so you

Never know but I know abuse
Is a temptation coming with power
And no man in power is ever
Clean I mean I wouldn't be so sour

I'm not but look at the twin towers
That's what power can do
It's too complicated I rather be
Jaded and throw dead pigs just too

Fuvk with the ppl who say
"Not til pigs fly, will I" and you
Probably would call that Crazy
But I call it swine flu

Where are u? I can't find you?
But I keep calling your name
Which ended up being my own
Name which isn't as insane

If u thought like me, but a monopoly
On crazy town property is mine
So for now you'll have to setts
With normalcy and define

Things as crazy or not crazy
But to me it's not that way
Cause the truly coo coo are the
Ones too quick to label insane

As if to make them feel sane
But thoughts are the same
In the sense that we all view something
and instinct detains

Our response to a situation
With consideration of morals
Ethics, etiquette and if they
Have a false sense of bein immortal

Making our decisions a portal
To the world as we see it
Which proves that we can be on
Different planets and still be seated

Next to each other Jesus
Id say That was brilliant if you
Asked me but if u don't ask me
I'd be, like....pshh..? Who asked you?

So in conclusion I conclude
With ....nothing at all
I am no more enlightened than I
Was before I wrote this so we all

Can agree I just wasted your
Time and some of mine
But a hen in the hand is worth two
In the bush or something that finds

Better suited to this foolish
Diluted convoluted and stupid poem
plz excuse it as it comes straight from my  
haunted house of a dome

where fuses are likely blown
Which is why I don't know
Why my parents say the lights
Are on but nobody's home

I guess it's a figure of speech
I want to make figures with speech
But I can't even fix my figure I'm weak,
so I may wither while Greek

Is how the world speaks to my
*** dont get that? Let it pass
And it's time I end this poem of
Literary genius sprinkled with class

Live well and prosper. Or live in
Self created garbage like Oscar
Quote 4 IQ:a doctor,then 4strength
a boxer,&end; with ...Jodie foster

P.s.
A witty quote from a philosopher
Or Maybe even an author
So u end the poem soundin smart &
Strong then run off like a robber

She deserves recognition
For her work as a technician
Who's expertise is ball bustin
Who majors in *******

Excelling in the field of advance
Hot air production
A profession heckler who
Composes an orchestra conductin

A firework show eruptin
With colorful rants red, and purples
She's acclaimed for rhetorical
Questions that repeats in circles

An elite linguistics scholar
Who's sarcasm is an accomplishment
Very talented...no gifted at making
An insult sound like a compliment

And Her stamina to do so
Is like an Olympian who's pleased
Only when her track and field
Meet of slander makes ur ears bleed

A masters degree in belittling
A graduated philosopher for the bitter
Must be a psychologist the way
She attacks my sanity to litter

Insecurities, and doubts and I
Heard she has a phd in hypnosis
Until u start to believe her *******
And this psychosomatic is ur psychosis

A world class magician who's
Tricks leave u perplexed in thought
A novelist who narrates to taunt
Controlling all characters and plot

She wrote the book on torturing
A man and emasculating him so
He may never move forward and
She was in the military I'm told

Historically known for her
intellectual Warfare
Manipulating soilders and utilizing
The grounds to ambush u there

A social tyrant who's brilliant
Political ties help her achieve
Her plan like constituents are
Biased so they're all after me

A paralegal who's unfair and lethal
And to her it's titalation
Unfair is her terms but like a
Perm ull get burned in litagation

A degree in early childhood
Education so she acts like a rebel
Perfecting being childish and
Unaffected by ur feelings on levels

Only a schoolyard bully could
Match, she's my jailhouse warden
Who's power is focused on me
Relentlessly constructing like a foreman

With Her future blueprints to
See what the hell she builds for me
Will look like, and she's also a director
In the ******* industry

So she tells in great detail
Just how I'll be ******
She must have been taught by
Peter pan how to never grow up

Trained as medic who specializes
In one area over them all
Nudering human males
So surgically she removes my *****

After she breaks them and
So I am the constant fool
This exceptional jack of trades
Makes me wish that I stayed in school

Like children fear the monster under the bed
As adults Sometimes we fear the ones in our head

The subconscious self conscious
Insecurities that park
And most times it's ignored
other times bein scared of the dark

And what lurks, can really hurt
What name brand is your shirt
Career, and social status, do ur legs look fat in a skirt

Society brainwash making us measure success on a scale
That's insignificant, cuz being different, isn't celebrated so failed

Is the notion, when saying to our youth when we teach our children
to be different but indifference comes to those civilians

Who are "special" and don't fit the mould, so the truth grows mold
Leading them to lies it's cold,
&the; world gets more so when old

So it's no wonder they fold
Feeling undeveloped and lost
See what we teach and how we live is a direct breach so let's stop

The bullshiting that only Rots
And change or be upfront
And say "in life you will only be as much as u own" just be blunt

And be honest cuz if we promise what we know is false &fictitious;
Than not properly prepared but impaired are the young who's wishes

Of a life unattainable is what they
Reach for while ambitious
Only2see whats told as malicious, now resentment builds viscous

So let's teach them that only riches
Will get everything desired
Tell them some die working cuz retired is for the rich, & the tired

Are those who's dreams had holes
And those who obtain and hold
All the wealth and prosperity had gold,&enlightenment; takes a road

That has far too many tolls
Sacrifices and hardships
Cause life will give u happiness and love but only so u can part with

What is only obtained to darken
Any hopes you had left
Tell ur kids the only things certainty brings is taxes pain and death

Tell them that optimism is debt
Tell them they would be chastised
For their mistakes or past lies
Watch for the snake that tries

Dreaming is dangerous u can't fly
Follow the crowd and when in doubt
Don't look weak and ask for help
Just do and act as everyone else

And I know u r thinkin to yourself
That I'd never say that to my son
But we both know that's how it is so
Why say we live under a sun

Without rain when we know that most days it's harder than easy
We know vanity and calamity, is why
Some reach insanity as ******

People seem to advance as good people are left to face
The monsters left in our minds closet that we deposit, and faith

Like karma is comforting but fake
So insecure demonic thoughts
Leave no vacancy, so replacing these, to be productive is lost

Without a night light to stop
Using the night life of ***
And other drugs are used to
fight spite, so the right sight is lost

In exchange to rearrange the strange
Plots and be estranged from loss
Until the blame game gives us a way to frame any excuse that we got

To help us except what we forgot
Was only compromised because
We don't believe the things we leave
As lessons when we are loved

And told we are beautiful
By people who later left
But we must learn not to look up to people who breath and bled

And lived the lives we have lead
So look to our past for guidance
To our mistakes for wisdom
And history that repeats to find us

Only needing us, to find us
And look up to who we can be
And then looking up to who you are
For seeing the person u can see

Is becoming of u for just simply
Staying true to what's inside
Being aware of the instincts that goes extinct when we ignore it and why?

To follow those empty inside..
The ones we think are different
But inside is the only way to find
The true individuality livin

Where we find purpose given
And don't need no ones permission
Learn that u don't need wings to fly
Or even need eyes for vision ....

How do I start...?
This is hard for me...
I probably will only generalize from fear of being ostracized,....
Actually that's a ****** lie too...
not even sure wut I want to say,
Sometimes wut I really wanna say gets polluted by being convoluted cuz it's secondary and secluded
by trying to sound poetic, or smart
then the rest just gets... Included....
I'm not even sure of myself...
My ability....
My limits...
I might even say i find security in insecurity,
Jailed without bail by my emotions and I can't find assurity
Assuring me
a stay on the green mile where I sit, green with envy...
Envious of even ppl I love...
Almost hoping they fail so I'm not alone.....
how truly sick is that?
How could u ever call urself a decent person after thinking that????
And after i drown and drench this depression in drinks
Then dry it off with drugs...
It only gets moist again by the inevitable stream of tears
And u can only let urself down so many ****** times before u can't lie to urself anymore to feel like
..u haven't let everyone else down
And my friends and family can only say ..."I love u"so many times b4 they realize that I don't believe it....
Cuz how can they love me when I don't???
And I'm way past a cry for help
So it's not sympathy,
I don't need it
I have been blessed until now with the most beautiful things life has...
And maybe losing those things has fukked me up....
how do I start....
Ha...
how do I finish....
When I haven't even said anything worth reading....
I use to think I was a writer...
Now I question if I can even do that anymore...
I feel hopelessly dead inside,
and I love my son,
but I can't help feeling trapped, in a sea of failure,
I can't help hating my weak will,
My bad habits,
My lack of motivation
My physical appearance,
My physical appearance
My laziness
And who I've become, when who I was.....
Was so much better.....
My night terrors haunt me...
I miss ppl I shouldn't
I'm jealous of ppl I shouldn't be...
I idolize my godmother for her strength to commit suicide:...
I am everything I use to hate in
others....
I could go on forever
but I'm sick of hearing myself think in silence
Even the voices in my head annoys the **** out of me, and make me sick til I tell myself to shut up....
How do I end this...
....  From judgement of a talented literary point of view...
I can't end it....
Cause...
I never really started....

Cuz when it is your monkey,
And it is your circus...
It's depressskng feeling worthless
When even a clowns have a purpose

.....which is more than me

I try to soul search
And see everybody's view
I respect all opinions even
When mine is not cause u

Must always believe we are
Free to believe what we wish
Gay marriage, abortion,
Religion cause tolerance is a gift

We should give one another
As respect must be mutual
One mans garbage is another's
Treasure, what's ugly is beautiful

If that's what is suitable
From various perceptions made
There's more to life than gettin laid
More to life than gettin paid

More than wut we barter and trade
It's nostalgia in memories
It's healing from pain that's not
Physical or has no remedies

It's appreciating amenities
And finding peace from stress
In the sacrifices we make, when it's
Hard but we know it's best

The time of ur unknown death
The bond with a friend
In losing a love heartbroken
Only to see love manifest again

Cause what truly matters
Can go invisible sometimes
It's not the money or possessions
But how u got them but blind

Are we to that fact
Even though it's fundamentals
So many luxurys aquired no
Wonder u struggle for dental

Health care and wuts essential
Spending outside our means
So I keep my wisdom from adulthood
Heart from childhood and from teens

I'd take my confidence and dreams
And my passion but not
The Insecurity the anger or
The confusion it brought

And I hope soon we will stop
Selling things that have no price
Our ethics, our bodys, our
***** souls and our life

And all of this I write
Not just for u but for me
Cause jealousy anger and lust
Blinds me from all knowledge these

Words have within them
As I'm only a human, a man
Who knows life is wut happens
When ur busy makin plans

But wuts out of my hands
I gotta learn to let go
Sometimes I sulk and feel
Sorry for myself preventing growth

So *** social status and gross
Net pay and wut is my residual
As long as I follow my heart and
Dreams and be an individual

A happiness that's equivocal
And all life's pain is worth it
As its y I appreciate my blessings
And understand that nothing's perfect

So whether u see life as a circus
Or a place for spiritual growth
Learn from criticism, mistakes
And the advice from both

Ur family, ur friends, ur
School faith and ur love
We all fit in this world somewhere
Even when like oj's glove

It doesn't seem to fit but
Sooner or later well find our place
But life can be heaven or it can
Be hell so keep dreams to chase

Keep value on wuts fake
Rather than pricing what isn't
And not just drugs but almost
EVERYTHNG has a level of addiction

Know moderation and restriction
Welcome contradiction cause
Things u hate so great, anticipate
U may end to love

So forget wut was and
Focus on wut can still be
So remember to Seize the day,
believe in fate and wuts meant to be

Tears in a shot glass
fix Nobody can see that
I'm self destructing,
and the erupting is interrupting

My functioning junction
between Ration and action
And ur participation
is more than a fraction

as ur playin games
but We said  we hate the way
games are played cuz being played sux
but one of us still plays

and I ain't sayin names
but they are impervious to chjnge
So tears rain on your train of thought
while I'm takin planes

So our loves suicidal
and the razors breakin veins
Putting us both through heartaches
of pain that stains the brain

We gotta break the chain
so maybe its best for goodbye to estrange
cuz the mental damage is hurting to the point
it makes a **** look tame

is it time to erase the strain?
And replace ur name
And chase a new face in place
inducing hate or go insane

Cuz we use to save our tears
inside a shot glasses
but as time has passed
These days it needs
to be replaced For an extra large wine glass

I need more than just a fine ***
I need a girl who isn't creatively disruptive,
That's why I cut u off And need to talk ......
now ur girl interrupted

U know wut???!!! just *** it!!
I can't take it no more
So I don't care if u leave or stay
And I don't care
if u use the door

Or the window on the second floor
I will no longer second the war
I will no longer accept the horror
i will not fight for a second more ...

The end,
is a new beginning,

The End.

>>>start your new beginning

The End,

The longer you dwell on the end,
the longer it takes for it to transform
into a new beginning.

The End.

>>>>>New beginning.

The End.

So dont cry,
dont ask why,
dont wish you would die.

Just train yourself to see
the finish line,
as the starting line
and always begin at..

The End....

Begin.....

Uncontrollable Emotions
Overwhelm me tonight
It's like I can't do nothing right
But maybe that's life

Self discover and development
Without quittings essential
Can't be discouraged by the
judgemental or u may go mental

Trying to reach full potential
And preparing for the worst
Avoiding sinning and remember
Winning comes last because first

U must learn to take loss
So u appreciate bein victorious
Learning to cope with loss and not
taking for granted what's glorious

Just breathing. Just living
Exercising your free will
Embracing imperfections and
realizing the little things can still

Make u smile if only for a while
Walk a mile in the shoes
Of the ones u criticize too quickly and trip
swiftly as that ***** is slippery cause you

Will too, be criticized so don't
epitomize a close mind
Be loyal, be conscious be humble
patient And be kind

Don't try to rewind, pay mind
To the current time
Just take the past mistakes as
lessons and try not to be blind

When deception needs correction
Don't be afraid to asks questions
And remember "what you know"
may need further inspection

Don't think with an *******
That direction is wrong
Cause being a king con don't make
u King Kong just try to be strong

And deny your temptations
follow your dreams and heart
Sometimes the right thing is not
the move that is the most smart

But we all play our part
and depart nothing else Is assured
Nothing's given nothing's promised
and Nothing's fully insured

Preventions better than bein the cured
So Procure the best
Way to live without nefarious
intentions for less tension to help manifest

The dreams that u possess but never
Harbor regret
Self resentment lacks contentment
Leading to stress

It's confusing so I'm concluding
with improving myself
Before intruding with passing
judgement on anyone else

It's hard to say help
But it's even harder to know
That it is all that separated you
From reaching your goals

And when u know you make the
wrong decision it leads2a hollow you
And it's sad when your shadow won't even
follow through

With having to follow u
Life will swallow you whole,
or **** u to self destruction
as u dig while in a hole

Like time precious is your soul
The preservation of knowing
That a righteous path lead u
to the place u are going

And sometimes only throwing
Urself at the mercy of wuts destined
Can bring u to the answers
of your ultimate questions

There's no manual or map to
show you how to travel
Only instinct and experience
can guide u in your battles

But to find comfort in solitude
When your alone with your thoughts
You must be able to justify your actions
if your later forced 2 watch

And relive what u have done when
Its Too late to change the cards
At the moment u better be able
to be to face who you are

And knowing that good intentions
can't outweigh the fact
That you didn't follow through with
Them if not proven on your path

So as I resist the natural desire to
Be consumed by greed
When temptation whispers how
easy it is2 see ur want as a need

But if I feed into it I can only blame myself
for what I become
And then all that can be found
is being dumbfounded by just how dumb

I can be. So all I can be is who I am
Unless I choose
To refuse who I am and
be what I'm not which is self hatred confused

Leaving more than a bruise
On my ego And pride
And my true character
unlike my tears will no longer b easy to hide

So I encourage the courage to accept the
things I wish were reversed
And come to terms
with my wrong turns needing no purpose for birth

Just the realization that limitations
May be a blessing disguised
And be content with
the things I cannot hold as a prize

Cause some things weren't meant
for my eyes or for my possession
Sometimes the lesson for
progression is the only conception

That was meant for me and intentionally
eventually ill find
That the most important thing is
Ensuring my own mind

Is a sanctuary built with the
knowledge that my position
In life was not what
I wanted but all I needed or else it's a prison

And when your own mind
is your prison u won't get parole
It's forever there
like the stain that now tainted the soul

Never finding a piece of piece,
so I am careful in construction
While building the building in my mind
So it doesn't end in destruction...

There's a picture on the wall in a frame....
Maybe it's your family...
Maybe it's mine..
and inthe picture in the frame on the wall
Hangs a family on the wall
.... and Over the years
... Slowly
the picture tilts...
Little by little....
Years go by and ...
The picture on the wall is now crooked...
cause wear and tear will do that to a family
.... Or......
a portrait.... but....
Do we take the picture off the wall....
And replace it....
Or do we fix it...
Cause the memory is worth the history involved
and relevant to a love that once was not at all crooked....
not at all faded, or crooked...
but life has a way of shaking us all up...

...There's a picture on the wall in a frame....
Maybe it's your family...
Maybe it's mine..
Maybe it's u and ur best friend...
Maybe the one u love.........
There's a picture on the wall in a frame....
Maybe it's your family...
Maybe it's mine....

Have you ever felt so distant
You just couldn't connect
Lethargic and emotionally inept
In Financial and moral debt

So to me to welcome death
Would be like I over slept
Theyre called nightmares when asleep but awake it's called regrets

So it's hard not to be depressed
stressed wonderin if my birth today
Made a difference or am I just a spec of dust under trumps toupee

left with nothing deep to say
No courage found to encourage me
to the world im just a villager a 3rd
Worlder, cuz life Honduras'd me

humbled me, it's humbling,
but still I fail to be artistic
Being a human full of temptation
Still erroneously narcissistic

Convoluting what's simplistic
And wanting, to want, so filled
Of ****, As the void shifts to over flow the emptiness til unfulfilled

Am I, a contradiction, like I con with diction, as my description
Paints poetic, how pathetic, like **** smelling cologne my depiction

Will still smell like a pool of stool
Can't justify bein my flaws, victim,
When really the fault of addiction
Is self inflicted a decision

Welcoming, compulsory prison
But I rather insult your intelligence
By making *** ups sound elegant
But the truth is there less Eloquent

So every room I enter the elephant
Is an element like it's on salary
That I feed with **** talk like I lead
As the Head of the peanut gallery

Who feeds religiously, hourly
Like bush wit twin towers I grieve it
In pain by its tragedy, but in secret
I Caused but sadly they believe it

When I lie to myself and others and do it Much, I forget what's true
And hoping you'll be less like me
... Is why I confess this to you ....

I learned my ABC's
Before snakes and ladders
Only to find out the words ladders
Had less snakes, and what mattered

More than letters were numbers
Life's monopoly where's go
No get out of jail free card
And most of the X's and O's

Were in a game of tic tac toe
So life's complicated, unlike Atari
Where opponents, use fake words
When they ***** u like life was sorry

And like trouble, our plans fall over
Like a dominoe set
Money? Security? Like go fish
With a boss that's Alex trebek

Asks questions as you sweat
Constantly in jeopardy, an orphan
A game of hangman, and hang men
Who can't buy vowels, wit no fortune

so life's game is wheel of misfortune
Where there's no truth. Just dare
And the price is never right
I mean who doesnt wannabe a millionaire

But when your the weakest link
You're treated as a pawn for your labor
Left a contestant on survivor,
Not as smart as a fifth grader

That's why families feud
Until like scrabble words don't make
A sound, left with a frown to make
Everyone as crazy as eights

Left only to bluff like poker
Acting wild as a joker
With no bridge to bridge the hole
When ur the *******, going over

21, to bust like blackjack
Losing even in uno
Left only to play solitaire and lose
Like a skitzo beating himself in judo

Cause in the end, society reads the
Same code, as computers so Heros
Are those who don't quit the game of *******. When they aren't a 1 just zero

Cuz like binary code there's only 2 roads
1 or zero, and those that stuck through
And didn't forfeit their checkered chess match til the end, are those I look up to

This is the last ******* time
I rent you space in my head
I've written about you so much
When I'm done I'm like.... Again

This dudes annoying me, get over
It, she's a *****, what can you do
I never asked for child support all
I wanted was our son to know u

But maybe it's better he doesn't
But it breaks my heart that aches
When his preschool made crafts
On ur dead beat Mother's Day

And he had to make one for nana
And asked me where u were
And now I finally get why some parents say, the dead beat ****

That isn't around had died
Cause I rather that than the other,
Which is tell our beautiful son that
The truth,narcissists can't be mothers

So *******, and this will be the
Very last ****** time
I waste a thought , or a tear drop
On your heartless ***, but I

Still hold pity for you!... Why?
Because I know what you don't
That regret can evolve when u let
Important things left, so I hope

I can hold in the joy, when the day
Comes and your blind *** sees
That our child, your flesh and blood
Has a value, your drugs can reach

A life you made, that you trade
So you can run away but one day
All the pain you left me with will
Find you ***** and it'll eat away

At whatever's left of your soul
Whatever's left of your neurotic
Selfish, ****** up, drugged up heart so black, I reverse oscars, and boycott it

So when psychosomatic Psychotic
Psychosis sets in
And you feel sorry for yourself and
All the time you wasted with him

I will tell him. To make sure he takes
What time is left with u and not
Say what I want to which is, let her
Live knowing, the cost of what's lost

Is being a deadbeat. But sought
Will be knowing if I did
That would encourage the son I love
To lose out so I sacrifice for my kid

Something u know nothing about
And probably never will
But 4 years have gone by so fast
Soon the futures the past and filled

Will be your blinded eyes
Full of consequence disguised
As poor u, self pity, ****** cries
Just like the cries our son cried

As I learn to handle a four month
Old baby boy, but hey .. I did
And you'll never know why sacrifice
And a selfless life fills the void which

We use to try and fill with ****,
Parties drugs raves all the ****
That lead us deeper into the darkness
We thought we escaped and hid

10 years of living for only us
Temptation, inebriation lust
Feeling numb cause sobriety
Brings anxiety in society full of

People who grew the **** up
Responsibility. Purpose stability
The knowledge that pretentious
Isn't being clean, so tranquility

Is real when it's felt rather than
The induced, bile filled puke
That's only half as vile as you
And if you ever see me smile *** u

Is what's meant, as I see now
Why we had to part ways it's sad
You were scared to grow up and that
Will catch up with you but a dad

Was just a scary . Trust me I was
Terrified.. Emasculated embarrassed
The years we spent that i cherished
We're all spent high so apparent

is how sobering up left transparent
Facts that say I didn't know
Who I really was, expect for the one
I was when sedated and I know

Now that there's a difference
In the way your emotions process
And now I maybe who we said we'd never be, cubical Steve at the office

9-5 and ya I get it, got it,
I'm exactly what u hate I know
But one day everything u aren't is
What you will be, but *** this poem

**** the nostalgia the reminiscing
See..... I always end up lost
Cause admittingly I can't get over it
When your eyes stare at me off

The face of our son, the ****** expressions the stubborn head its
All you that I see sitting across of me
And thank u for him, so like u left

Us, I will attempt to leave u
Abandoned in this coffin poem
And hope it doesn't follow me back
Like a horror movie villain to a home

I built without u, stop thinking bout u
It's easier to say
Than it is to do, so with a *** u
I mask the pain the scars gave

To remind me what's behind me
So on the day regrets blinding
This pain will be yours cause karmas
Tour can move slowly but finding

Who it's meant to, means it'll get u
So goodbye dead beat goodbye
I hope u drown in the tears u cry
When u see what u trade to be high

They taught us growing up
When violence was the topic
That it is not the answer
Only to see we support war for profit

Told to be yourself,
Don't follow the crowd, but fact
When u do so, and it's too esoteric
They say: "no! not like that"

Teach us not to bully, as if adults
Are above it like they lament
It's existence, only to see it occur
In workplaces and social events

Teach us tolerance only to find out
Tolerance only applies
If ur not religious, cultured, ugly,
a minority, trans gender gay or bi

Told they thought the earth was flat,
only to find out it's not
Now some say again it's flat,
and from the past ud think we got

The lesson this taught
Which is to stay open and stop
To question what we think we know
But still most never thought

To challenge the media, government,
what we're fed
And choose to be fools, give up our
Privacy, lemmings off the edge

Supporting a fight against terrorism,
that's a lie , cuz what
Is really going on is ulterior motive
Swept under the rug

As real issues like pharmaceutical
Drugs given by our own is most
Alarming as it's harming,
so many who now overdosed

So teach whats not taught
Cuz what's taught, has not
Taught us what independent thinking,
can bring and stop

The lies, before our demise
Implies what you'll find soon
As it's too late, at this rate
Which is we will be doomed

He stands in the washroom of
Restaurants smelling people's ****
When he hears a wet bowel movement
he concentrates and inhales to sniffs

He doesn't explain why he embraces
these different smells and succumbs
To a brain that keeps many smells on file
like a world trade show of dumps

Cause everybody poops
So he wants to find a way
To manipulate smells so one day
everyone's **** will smell great

And hell go down in history 4 making
**** smell like lotion 4 baby's
THEN Hell be called brilliant!! for hangin
around restrooms and not crazy

like some thought So maybe.....
who u think or call crazy should stop
cuz they could be a genius who's times
to precious to explain his planned plot

And the main message in this
poem is the judging just needs to stop
So....Stop calling me CrAZy CuZ
I'm BrIlLIAnT ........BuT CrAzY I aM not

...cause I'm brilliant!
Like a **** smeller..... You...
know what I mean... lol

How long do I allow myself
To punish me with
The self hatred I inflict
For the bad choices I picked

Nightmares usually end
When the person who slept
Wakes up, but when life is full of
Spite from regret

Happiness stays inept
Unsure of How long its kept
The shame we frame with blame
Stays longer continuing to affect

Any positivity to help you heal
As u feel invaded
By insecurity, and degraded by the
perpetual manifested self hatred

The negativity, the doubt, the
feeling of trying to scream out
But the tyrant insisted on silence
Cuz I'm undeserving of help

When will I let myself melt
All the pain and sorrow
All I want is to be a better person
Than I am today ,...tomorrow

I can feel, like what I deal
And dealt with what erupted
To manifest an interrupted
Mind state more productive

Is it a choice to free myself
Is it me holding me back
If so, maybe my soul That's
Full of holes can adapt

So I will promise to be honest
To myself and be true
Sometimes the biggest obstacle
You face in life is you ...

I gave you up for adoption at 16 yrs old never gettin to know who she is
Sad that I learned what it takes to be a man after learning to use my *****

And at the time I was so inflicted being drug addicted my sight
To see the future sober me will have
To carry this all his life

After I gave her away I woke up some days not remembering why
I gave u away only to stay intoxicated to run away or fly

Becoming scared of not being high
So when I finally decided to quit
the drugs, I regretted all I was and
the love I turned away&now; miss

The daughter who I won't kiss
hug or love so I often feel sad
Picturing my daughter hugging a better man .. Who she now calls Dad

The one she says she loves, who
Was man enough to be
A Selfless, sober and responsible role model.All the things I couldnt be

&No; matter how sorry I am or how much remorse was in my tears
Eventually even the drugs couldn't help me run or numb the fear

That still grows every year
Scared shell think I didn't care
Or even worse not even care, cause I'm just a stranger she could stare

at and not recognize me like I wore a mask as we pass in street
not knowing who I am, and I'm so **** Scared she wont want to meet

Scared shell find that in time I became a dad and succumb
To the knowledge that I now lovingly raised another baby... My son

Leading her to be angry and confused on Why she couldn't stay
But I still kept my son who now has the one father who gave her away

And it eats at me everyday, cuz I never meant to leave my blood
In the hands of a better man but trust me Ive cried so much it floods

My face whenever I face this pain that I still face now
I often wish the tears that appear as I cry over u would cause me to drown

From the puddle left on the ground
But objectively this is much worse
Cuz I am cursed with facing your birth every day only to feel the thirst

To find closure, for all of the hurt
But deep down I know that first
Karma must fairly punish me mercilessly as thats what i deserve

So like revenge it's dished& served
As cold as anything can be
And I can only hope I can forgive myself but like Casey Anthony

I took for granted the gift planted So I reep what I sew as rancid
Is self hatred,that strips my soul naked now vacant after bein handed

Something sacred, that I refused
To protect so it was safe at night
Bearing the pain of missing your first words&steps; or teachingU2ride a bike

Never hear I love you. Never know you. Never be part of your life
... I wish you knew how sorry I was but in life. There are things that no apology could ever make right ....

/////////////////////////

Reflexion can bring depression
When reality is perception
predicated on a view of deception
Leading a manifestations progression

That shatters the complexion
Showing false feelings that lessin'
With the realization, or implication
Your aspirations are now lessons

That leave you less than copacetic
As dissipating is how impressive
You thought you were but pathetic
Is all you are, and so poetic

Is justice, and just this embedded
Is enough to make one emasculated
An epiphany, that's description be
A prescription seen to mask u hated

By the you subliminally traded
When morals and ethics do not
Seem to grow lessons as possessions
Show no imperfections, but got

Ramifications, that stand complaisant
When complacence seems apt
But that impatience, is now a patient
That's not embracin your thought

Until aspirations and inspiration
That was on vacation comes back
With inflation for the duration and is
Stationed threatening to smack

A reality check, as fallacy sets, at
The front door, on the door mat
As Persistent without resistance
As a fiend imprisoned by a crack

Addiction, that conditions the track
Of your life, filling its path
With inept regret u once had swept
Under the carpet for a debt that

Haunts the future, so u adapt
Or stay learning nothing and lack
A vision that helps position what
The collision causing impact

Has now been givin, so just collapse
Or accept the challenge& fight back
So you can disappoint and appoint
A future controlled by u or fact

Is that every hater who laughed
Every person who said u lacked
Can eat the **** given when their vision predicted there isn't a hack

Or given to counter act
The retardation of ur handicap
So my mission, is to take what I'm given, and make a livin that has

Something that pride can intact
Remain, as a brain shows the dead
Can resurrect like a man whose ***
Lets him be ***** after ****** past

Symbolizing that in fact
That a comeback before an end
Is possible and is plausible,
More so than Christ rising again

No I'm not anti religion but when
It's time to be brave, what'll aid you
Is not a multiple layer of prayer cuz
Despair, can only repair and save you

Not Jesus Christ or Buddha in life
Cause respite and redemption
Can only be implicated once infiltrated
Is the integrated affection

That failure uses to comfort you
And lead you to ultimate denial
So you believe the deceived, that convinces u what u achieved is vital

When it's minuscule and limits you
To a pity fool it's pitiful
So it's time to leave a mark, not a ****
Cuz a stink left as a residual

Leaves only a bad smell no visual
Be a man who's original
Don't follow footsteps, and hook left
Like u cook **** for a digital

Scale that weighs the individual
Not just the drugs and it states
That you are exactly what u will be
An expendable person who makes

No difference, cause indifference
Leaves you equal to pigeons
A scrub who only gets love from those who can't get above their addiction

Either that or your in a prison
Built by your bad choices now left
To be a constant reminder of how
You are blinder than a finer kept

Lemming, who gave away an ending
Full of purpose and worth
For possessions with no progression
Givin no lesson, a birth

Made in vain, and when the pain
Strains and stains your life
You'll remain in with the pain
You slowly obtain and might

Be susceptible to sleepless nights
Unprepared for the endless fights
But when insights not a set sight
You relinquish the potential unlike

The one fate expected in spite
Of the ignorance, saying "psyche"
As it takes. The bliss it Gives,
Cuz likes a ***** when despite

The chance given for flight
Glory, greatness but it's height
Is stumped when even Forrest Gump
Succeeded when less than bright

Was he, but resiliency, invites
And provokes a hope that lies
In Every man that believes he can
Execute a plan, that dies

When you accept all the lies
That insist incessantly, ur trail
Will never lead or proceed to a day you'll exceed or hail

So when the greed impales
With desire, and greed, it's salt
Will cost you the dreams you tail
Prognosticating the reason u fail

I almost hate her
But the frustrating truth
Is she turns me on to an extent
I conclude
By forcing myself to put up
With all I hate
And it's shallow I know but
When we have *** it makes me feel
surreal unreal The appeal Is so...
Overwhelming, it's an ideal meal as I peel her clothes
To expose the concealed that
Reveals the reason
My mind ignores the loyalty to my heart til treason
Is the forbidden fruit pleasin
What otherwise is teasin'
And when it's over I can't hold her
But just like the seasons
That leave like the leafs off of
Trees that fall
In the fall my want for her only comes back like withdrawal

When I crave her so I kneel and
Ask god for the strength
To move on cause I'm conned
When she takes advantage in lengths

That makes me repent all the guilt
That temptation
Has lead me to, like regret and soon
All the ramifications

Come back to bite me, and embracin'
consequence is hard, im weak
it's so wrong that I wish I could *** her but we never have to speak

But she appeals so deep to my
Inner freaks Hormones til i I
Relinquish control to her as she sits
On my face and leaves nothing dry
As I lie in her sweat and discharge
And think
I will never not want her or not want to see the interior decor of pink

So I sink in my seat and shake my
Head alone
I can't stand her most times but when she calls I answer the phone

How could I want her so bad
we hardly relate but needless
That is when in private we get
Intimate cuz we're totally cohesive

But I am only a man
So Temptations attraction
always seems to be trappin, what
happen? i blacked out in passion

I'm addicted to the moans,
the ***** Acts and all that she is
But giving into things u shouldn't end badly .... Now she's prego with my kid

** special thanks to #%+=%}
For not snapping when he read
That I used his story,
but we all **** up and I felt the message was significant

The truth is the truth *****
I rather a lie,
Living forever sounds better
Than everybody dies

Cause the truth is the
Truth *****, so just lie
Say you'll see me soon
Even if it's a final good bye

Similar to parents lies
About a kids Xmas gift
Cause more enchanting
Is the idea that Santa exists

Good old st nick
Catholics have it best
Cause heaven sounds good
As no one wants death

Like mutual break ups
Everyone knows ain't mutual
Tell the ugly duckling that
One day she will be beautiful
Tell tall tales of Atlantis
Or a fountain of youth
Tell Pinocchio he's a real boy
....Anything but the truth

Toothfairys for a tooth
Easters famous  bunny
Tell Christopher Robbin no delusion
Made Winnie the pooh eating honey

Cause in truth it's funny
The truth ain't that funny
Say the best things in life are
Free and we need no money

Cause everyday is sunny
Who u love will love u back
Family and best friends will
Never never ever stab u in the back

tell me my career wont match
my social status and ill en-devour
the same respect as a rich man
tell me love is forever

And if not it ends without pain
and will tell everyone its mutual...
Tell the ugly duckling that soon.....
soon.....it will be beautiful.....

but the truth is
The truth ***** so I'll pretend
This is just the poems beginning cuz
good things don't come to an end....

...But The truth is....
...the truth *****....

exasperated, emasculated,
So the negative connotations
From life's ******, molestation,
**** from this Annotation

emphatic, tragic confirmation
That my formations deformed,
so be warned, u won't be warmed                                                           ­                                                                by hearing I've conformed

To be socially Reformed
Reborn, no Solubility of scorn
No Altruism, so Imprisoned                                                       ­                                
is peace's vision, Forlorn

******, but pleasure like ****,
Isn't a focus, so like ****
I'm Unable to reject the amorous nature                                           
Of what will take place

But I fail as I try to placate
Or humorously play hate
But that's like calling *******
just an innocent play date

when we're ****** for pay day
Catching Freedom in an Infallible trap
Leaving memories, both enemies, and remedies,                                                        ­                                                     when flashing back

But without Omniscience, it seems
Only Predestination Is left
Wit bitter taste of self hate,accepting fate,                           
 now only death

can stop the new Aversion to breath
Causing a Discrepancy to remain
Some say lifes a gift to contradict
all i insist is inhumane

A reality based on haste, hate,
A purgatory Where narcissists
Prove that ignorance is bliss,
cuz happy Usually r ignorant as ****

Or maybe there's no correlation
and I just **** at curation
Maybe pessimisms Pervasion
Has damaged me for the duration

Of life never to vacation
From rigid Dichotomies like
Believing in prophets or profits
Or what's legal and wuts right

The professor brings the kids to
The Class, where they will start their semester by being sequestered to the field for training.
See on earth school teaches theory but this is all humans can handle so its ..understandable.
But this particular class lead by the professor, only teaches gods.
You see, when gods And goddess' get married and they birth a child the child is then educated by living on the fields training grounds, and learn hands on.
SoThey will be placed in simulation by mind manipulation,
almost virtual reality,
with an emphasis on the reality.
So they await what humans call a "birth" and send the students in,
with no memory of being a god,
just the instinct inside telling what he or she must listen to in order to pass, and live amongst the gods
But sadly when u fail
u are sent back through a new birth, which humans would call reincarnation,
which leads to one of the biggest jokes among the professors&god;;, cuz the born gods now birthed as humans spend a lifetime trying to "find god"
When all they had to do was look in themselves....
Any question ever asked, and
every prayer ever sent
Never got delivered cuz infact it never had to leave from where it was sent,
cuz that's where it's going,
So as we're growing we start getting better,
but there are the easily tempted who are exempted and keep returning living an ongoing cycle of birth life death birth, while their parents watch in horror never able to interfere and help bring their child home.... See.... To be a god ... You must learn to think like one,
and believe in yourself....
And as you get educated on earths training field,
the skills and hobbies u pick up determine how you move forth,
like wut humans call prerequisites..., so In actuality the only difference between A human&a; god is memory, and a choice....
to follow or ignore their instincts...
.....i can't wait til schools over....

Remember me.
Remember me?
Remember me!

I write this for those
Who are complicated like me
Too busy to find a relationship
But not busy enough to be

Lonely as ****,
And when I say that to some,
They are puzzled and befuddled
A single parent raising his son?

How can you be lonely?
That's when I feel the guilt,
Like I'm ungrateful, cuz it's painful
Explaining a brain full of silk

Emotions, that aren't fulfilled
By a child who's a dependent
I can't express the stress on my chest
And secretly lie like a defendant

And whisper everything will work out
When I'm not even sure it will
And it's emasculating to mask the failing
Without someone to distill

Like I do my son, and fill
My head with optimism
That I reciprocate and return, concerned
When they feel like earths a prison

And I'm not asking, ans this isn't
For the pity I despise when given
I just miss, the bliss of a hug and kiss
To remind me I'm still livin

And yes my son gives me this in
The daily grind, but my mind
When I get a minute that's mine
Always wander to nostalgic times

When I didn't question if I'm
In the place that fate with signs
Led me to. Or like many do
Am I lost where you can't find

A lost in found, lost in frowns
Can't find what I lost, no solid ground
Where you say fake smiles are around
And hate it. Only to realize that now

You do the same, another clown
Who seems anything but profound
I use to be royalty. Had loyalty,
but somewhere it all crashed down

So in my Burger King crown
And my throne, built with a stapler
Made of cardboard, matching my scepter Made of
that hallow cardboard tube you get from wrapping paper

You wrap Xmas gifts with,,
and if you Wonder what the paper was used for
It was used by the me in my past, high off his ***.
Who wrapped up my future

And inside was a dead end job,
Sobriety, and some ****
So when life ***** me, I can be lucky
And slap it on my rusty, ... Well you....

Get the picture. And if it sounds familiar
Or not. But still feel a spot
Inside that you tried filling with ***
An unfillable void, u avoid, but can't stop

Feeling it, when you stop. And got
A moment to yourself
I hope this consolation, for the constellations,
not aligning, is a help

Cause I write this, to get it out,
But I post it publicly, for those at home
Who feel the emptiness. When the phone isn't ringing ....
Your not alone

In being alone, which sounds
Like another of life's contradiction
But contradiction is a literary term,
Almost as if to give u a vision

Of poeticness. Where mine is given,
But the give of irony can be fun
Leaving only humor, left for the tumor
That teaches us, that when the sun

Is out. Not not to take it for granted
So I circle back to my son
And I'm sure, that if still unsecure or
Unsure, whenever this poem Is done

Maybe it's time to train your brain,
To regain a perception, that we
Inadvertently trained it to ignore, in horror
Witnessing what wasn't meant to be

And find solace in all or it ...
I know, I sound like a clicheè
Like a cheesy, hallmark card,
that makes you wish, the author had aids

Ok.. Not aids ... But ******, or something
Now I sound like a *****,
But sometimes I see public display of affection
from couples, and I think

You ******* PPL MAKE ME SICK
HES PROBABLY FUVKING UR SISTER
AND WHEN YOUR AT WORK SHES PROBABLY ....
Wait... I can't be bitter

And you shouldn't be either ..
I know it's easier that it sounds
When robin Williams committed suicide
I swear i couldn't help drown

In thoughts. Of how, somebody, so famed  And Loved,
would want to die
which means there's no chance for me..
But logically, it proves that inside

We all have that void. Annoyed,
Wanting it to just fuvk off
But the hard part in life is concentrating on.
What we have. And not, .... the have nots

And remember what you forgot..,
The annoying, overbearing, ones who
Actually do care, about you, are priceless
And trust me, if you have one too,

A mother. Who tries to smother,
so u run For cover and don't visit
Are the ones you give away, on the days
You rather be Alone to pivot

In worthless worries, only to revisit
The same pain, u feed as you fear it
And as I write this I'm rolling my ****** Eyes too,
cuz nobody wants to hear it

But the truth is *****, just like ur mom
But in end it's the only honesty
Left in a life full of broken dreams and fake smiles
toco-sign the promising

Promises no one kept,
when they said "I love you" or I'll never leave
So I'll try to take my own cheesy advice 
 Left in this poem if u do the same for me

So I gift this to you. And my future self
As well, and I can only hope he
Takes the message inside and abide, or try ...
And Remember,lastly, when coping

That just because your lonely,
It doesn't mean your alone ...
Just because your lonely doesn't mean your alone ...
For u.. I wrote this poem ...