If I die after this poem

If this was my last poem
Would I get nostalgic about home
Would I deny having to say goodbye
As shock leaves me unable to own

The knowledge of the truth, would
I acknowledge my wasted youth
Will I leave the world behind me any better than I came,did I even do

Anything g worth the space I used
Or am I just
At best left as an example to the rest
Of how not to rust

And become unable to be useful
Unable to have purpose
I never expected to be perfect but with the thought of being worthless

I'm left with disgust from lust
And every good thing I've ****** up
The times I was unreasonable, lazy
Petty, confrontational or the trust

I misused, betrayed, mistakes made
And the Opportunity that meant so
Lil that I didnt question its acquittal
So the riddle is why my potential

Was so obviously expendable
Why was I such a disinterested kid
When did I start to ignore wanting
More, when did I accept all I did

And if this was my last poem I think
Id be overwhelmingly disappointed
I think it's time for a reflection, hey
*******?! Do I need an appointment

Have your ppl call my ppl and have them set up a lunch
At a corner table and hopefully I'm able to find a cap that says "dunce"

Cause u done capped the dunce cap
Capacity and with it
You have totally proved that as far as being a fool goes the sky is the limit

Too late now to be timid
Let's open your past and relive it
Gave away a baby for adoption
And often fail sobrietys trail so if it

Isn't your addiction then it's the
Damage preventing healthy livin
even Stevie wonder needs no vision to see your overweight restrictin'

Your future position like a collision
Is what you aspire to
Maybe it's the way they wires you
Why did you have no desire to

Improve or move toward anything
But drugs or
Some-kind of indulging it's revolting
And insulting more

to life's gift, as it sits unused like
It was something that proved
Unworthy of your nurturing so you
Go murdering it with misuse

Negligence that induced abuse
Leaving the bruise clear to see
So you better remember this letter
And what entered to center these

Issues that epiphany issues you
And hits you to make sure u listen to
The prognostic foreshadowing topic
As if a second chance is given to

Be merciful to how un-personable  
And ignorant you are
As if your so useless and stupid it
Would be unfair to not give u par

For 50 strokes, handicap to the joke
And your probably on dope
Or too stupid and slow too see just how insulting that really is although

I hope you don't miss all the implications left here and switch
From the fat balloon shaped ape brain baboon like Bafoon to it's

Evolved form.. Whatever that is
Brain of **** to something with
More IQ to help by leaving you to
match a Popsicles Witt

And lastly I'll give a view to conclude saying if this is the last before u died
than the most poetic thing about this
Poem would be the irony it provides