Not exactly Christmas, just right this moment.

Blue and white lights hang above my loft windows; making spiraling Saturn-like shapes along the ceiling and blankets. The soft breathing of my new son asleep on my chest, quick breaths in and out with a slight whistle on the inhale, my slumbering love on my left drawing in deeply; surely falling into another dream.

The sound of dawn comes through the open window by my bedside, cars cut through December's chill as they chase each other down the freeway.  

I haven't slept, and my stomach feels hollow. I've been writing down all the gifts I want to give my mate this year. It's our first Christmas together. See, he returned to me, sometime around this time last year. He followed my frail, tenderly beating heart to my hometown; asked me to travel further inside of our Cosmic Love. To explore each other; take each other apart, piece by piece. Luckily, we put each other back together again, making the other feel 'new'.

I can't believe I'm here still. I can't believe he is too. I can't believe we made a baby. I can't believe my life is what I truly desired. I can't believe the blessings; but I do believe in battles. And I do believe in pain and I believe that by knowing pain; you can set yourself free. But you have to walk through the fire. Not under, around, nor over. Through. I think that's because love is walking through flames always; and you gotta know how to do it alone so you can help your mate through too.


It's all so beautiful.
And, scary
And, alarming
And, tearful
And, consuming
And,
Whatever you want.


Merry Christmas