the taste of nicotine, infecting the young
the deep breath in, corroding my lungs
the squelch of a flame beneath my boot
the extinguished warmth between me and you.

inhale quick, forget as i try
leaving room for sickness to grow

blaming the numbness on the high
i still feel nothing when i'm low.

Dad,
What do I do?
You can't be proud of me
for sleeping with a man
who acts like a boy and
doesn't treat me like I am
perfect even though I'm not.
I mean, down here on earth, we are definitely
not angels even though I know you
would treat me like one.
We are human.
We cannot love perfectly,
but aren't we supposed to try?
I know you would tell me that he is the one
who is missing out.
And it’s quiet, but I can hear you say, everything will be better than okay someday,
but it's just not the same.
But I am human. I am selfish.
He calls my name
and I run back to him.
You can't be happy with me
for feeling like I need someone
who doesn't cherish my soul.
I wish you were here.
I wish my questions turned into answers, but it's not that easy.
It's not that easy without you here,
Dad.

now that you've left
i need to know
how many times
did you look me in the eyes
and wished they were her's
and not mine