it ends, like a soft sigh
for pleasures shared
and could-have-beens
may have forgotten to tell him:
it was dazzling while it lasted
but cold light sometimes,
he brought me shivers and darkness
made me scratch my skin shouting
WHO AM I
did he know? just who he was falling for?
said he had something to tell me
I knew ****** well what it was
I coaxed it out of him, confession time! “I love you.”
yes! he took the bait,
hook, line, and sinker
thank you thank you thank you
no regard whatsoever, for consequences and my responsibility, just,
wanted something to feed my own ego,
I’ve got quite a palate for thrill and trauma
another one down, thanks for adding to my collection
of trampled feelings and extracted confessions
it ends, with a soft sigh
of a man quite broken,
and a girl’s sated ego

I picture you in the spaces of doorways
just to think how fitting you seem there
not in and yet not out, just,
somewhere there
think of how the light shall fall on your face, how,
swiftly, radiance is captured in a single split moment
isn’t life full of charm and wondrous things?
you are one of them, perched dainty on the topmost shelf
so precariously,
on display,
like fine china in my head
if fine china is meant to be chipped, and then broken, so be it.

i feel for you a tender feeling
i wish i could crush inside my palm
          to have and to hold,
not even a baby bird is so fragile
                  from this day forward,
cradled in shaking cupped hands
not yet, not yet
i repress the urge to smother,
                       for better, for worse,
fix my gaze as it starts to scream, contort
into the thing i wait, poised, to ****
            for richer, for poorer,
used to wait for the day i could proclaim
                   in sickness and in health,
with every conviction and fibre of my being
that it is real and it is good
          to love and to cherish
not anymore, i think
inhibition mechanism, top-notch
i file my nails and sharpen my teeth
hold my breath and count back from ten
once this ends
     till death do us part
i go in for the ****

little little carmen
so immodest without a care
dancing with that red dress on
and singing awful songs

little little carmen
flitting back and forth
so girlish in the midst of boys
so manly among girls

little little carmen
you're so quick to fill your head
with nasty jokes and ***** thoughts
I wish you'd show a little shame

little little carmen
don't say a single word
they'll tell you you have issues
and to "keep those ****** legs closed"

little little carmen
you are the best-est of them all
I loved you for how crude you were
how you brought me ungodly thrills

little little carmen
tell me what it is you want
you are the best, yes I adore
my blood red, snow white *****

little little carmen
all wrapped up in her head
got them wrapped around her finger
but she had never felt more dread

little little carmen
you're so full of life and worldly light
I never knew why you reeked of death
while you made love to the devil every night

lovely lovely carmen
never spoke of light at the end of the tunnel
you were always hovering there
I'll throw your ashes into the air

lovely lovely carmen
I learned this dance from you
your ashes look like blackened snow
as sullied as you were

lovely lovely carmen
I've memorized your song
I'll sing this tune as loud as you
they whisper *carmen never dies

I am the child whom Jesus loves,
So undeserving and yet so graced.
Jesus the Lamb cried God our Father
As blood was spilled for sinning souls.
Oh, to gaze upon Him as Saviour, lover!
Praise Him from whom all blessings flow.
His shame for my salvation, His life for mine,
By grace I have been saved.
Father, Son and Holy Ghost
Once I was crossed but blessed tenfold
One hundred and twenty percent, I'm told
—One hundred twenty percent and more
****** slain lamb, my trespass offering
By blood I have been blessed.
Jehovah Jireh, Provider, Yahweh!
Forever and ever,
Amen and amen.

I am smothered
in love that was never mine for the taking
I want to give
love
and to take it, also
to make it
if you get what I mean
what goes up
must come down
we revel
in something that resembles
an ocean
name it “love” and say
our love is deeper than
the ocean
drowning
in ocean depths
or suffocating in the
sheets?
when the sea dries up it leaves
sick, sticky,
saccharine
residue
love perceived and
love in the light

I really hate all the things you brought with you, they
push me into dark corners

my fighter, did anyone tell you
you have a penchant for taming things
be it weapon or woman
or animal
I am your pet
but strange how you never thought of me as that
I know you wanted to put a collar on me
but held back
you are gentle, sweet-tempered with pets
the only part of you I identify with
is the savage you in battle
observation of hands
can’t think about your hands for too long
or I start getting goosebumps
all the weapons you’ve embraced
all the women intimate with your skin
did you notice I changed my earrings
after you said studs would flatter me well
for a while I wanted to please you
then I faltered, feared and fled
my soldier, did anyone tell you
my mind was enthralled by you
but my heart forever wavered
always wondered of the danger you posed
and whether I had the capacity to commit
for being fond of me
you were a tragedy
to the world you were just a martyr
for me you were tragic romantic
you asked me why I could never look you in the eye
I’d been meaning to ask
what did you see in me
and why did you take me in
I could never be sure
if your affection was founded only on pity
I’ll admit I feared you
because I could never comprehend
how you thought about me
or what it was you wanted
you looked at my apprehension, said
“it’s okay I’ll wait”
instead I waited
to see if there would come a moment
of sudden “oh she’s not the one”
if I could see into your mind
perhaps I could have helped you untangle
the mess you felt for me
my warrior
fighting to the death for many things
I will never turn to you
like flower face to sun
I will never run to you
like tamed canine runs to man
when they ask me I will tell them
when you stroked me you were gentle
but so magnificent in your rage