I heard
that the darkness
finally blinded you

With the
temptation
of permanent
bliss

You kept running
through that garden
looking to get
your fix

So wickedly
seduced into
rebirth

Do you finally
see just like
a child?

Without eyes
you let
the truth
weigh in
intravenously

and burn
your garden
down

Strawberry Moon
So Sweet
So delicate

Glowing
in the reflection
of the summer solistice

While an oak tree
drips sap
in the shape
of the ****** Mary
or maybe a ******

the cosmic ****
the goddess nectar

Whispering
We’re all made of star stuff
Won’t you journey to the center?

Spiral in and out 
let fear
be the reason you enter

You'll only stand in your own way
if you don’t come back around
and pull yourself together

Abilify
you seemed to amplify
the monster inside me

Vivid dreams
of a devil in the driver seat,
Mirrored back
in my rearview, 
on the way to a crime scene
in my mind
where one of our sisters
was given plastic surgery
via shotgun

A crackling static
tears through my brain
and takes me
to the Ideation of 
self-inflicted martyrdom

Idealized death
put on a pedestal

hanging
in a basement
Of the subconscious

Until I wake up and suffer

I've
Had enough of
the akathisia

I can’t ******* sit still
I feel like 
my heart is going to beat out of me
When I’m already light-headed
I see me from outside me

Depersonalized!
this blood is poisoned 
with restless impulses

I can’t fight
or flight
just freeze 
and pulsate
an S.O.S.
to the telegraph 
at the other 
end of this the 
other half of
This sorry soul:

*If pain is a void 
I can feel you missing 
Where the doctor
Filled the hole
With prescriptions.

Will you hold me,
hold me,
until these looping
distress calls
cease?

I drew the shades 
And shut myself 
off from the world 

Let me lay in the darkness
Of this abyss
I'd rather suffer here
Than out there 
With the rest of the world's *******

Somewhere in the back 
Of my mind I'm fixated
On my most ****** up failures

Nothing ever lasts
So don't get attached
Everyone leaves
So don't ever love

2 days in this bed
It was 3 days last week

Maybe tomorrow 
I'll feel a little more god-like 
When the wolves are at the door

Would you be my
final girl
like Sidney Prescott?

I wanna
hear you scream
sweet
psychosis

Folie à deux
do you feel
the madness too,
now that
the mask
of sanity
is slipping?

Wearing
the sins
of man
like an overcoat
for the
over-dramatic
reveal
in the final act

Sometimes,
we need to go
a little mad
Or find ourselves
serving the
shadow
in a
tempter tantrum
of
bloodlust
for a
love loss in a
coup de grâce

Before you deliver
that final blow
and render me back
conscious

Staring back
from the apothic abyss,

faced with
a fiery
femme fatale

With a face
like ******
in the
moonlight

Mesmerized
by them
Lake Michigan eyes

With such fear
with such desire

You came and went
like
little deaths
of inspiration

Like the Earth was
a little more gracious
To perpetuate
your presence
beyond my ****** up
perfectionist
thinking

Paralysis by analysis
while I sleep
a demon stands on
my chest

Whispering sweet
cynical
"you're nothings"

It's always
Me vs. Mara,
In a manifestation
Of obstacles

The triangle
pointing down
inverting
the sunlight

Back to
black holes
In the mind

Just like the song
that makes you
think about the
end sometimes

‘cause nothing lasts

Baby
believe me
you’ll leave me

They’re always
******* leaving
like the Sun's
kiss of death
to the horizon
before the darkness
kicks in

When we’re stuck
suffering a solo
tango
under the Moon's
spotlight

Staring into
the same
apothic
abyss

i've seen your face, recently,
popped up like that nightmare i keep having where my body is left in
lukewarm sweat. your eyes are still as green as stems, and i want to
upchuck upchuck upchuckupchuckupchuck

it's funny how when i was 15 you were my king,
i would have crawled hands and knees, blisters popping like your
car speeding, impressing the ladies with your hair flicks and
tricks
and i know now i am still that 15 ****** dress up girl to you, only i've
filled out, filled in, know where to put the eyeliner, make it waterproof,
knowing how to speak, my tongue is whipping and sharpening

the last time we spoke we didn't speak. you didn't let me.
you shoved the drinks down my throat so fast the cards were blurry and you waited oh so patiently. 'you're such a bad girl', you said.
with your manhood prodding me, you spoke mean. you never spoke nice.
i wonder if i'll always love and hate you.

for so long you made me question myself.
maybe i shouldn't have worn that, or said that, or placed my foot a certain way or maybe i showed my teeth too much or maybe i was being too flirty, or maybe not enough.
these self doubts became my condolences, and even after we were 'friends', you never looked at me the same way. i had to be 'friends' with you because my friends loved you, even after i told them what you did to me.

i see your face like beers shoved in the back of the fridge,
and i am so mad at you, so mad, so mad, so mad, you've taken my guts
and thrown them into the ******* sun.
i was fifteen, you were almost eighteen you and took my limbs and broke them all.
i was prettiest to you on my knees, but baby i am the most beautiful when i'm stabbing you you you you
repeatedly.